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  1. #31
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    i am still with my first assesment; your ego defenses are down or simply not enough any more.

    Its like when extremely charming and handsome man becomes older -> crisis. Because his self-love wasnt real.
    I thought I was ugly just a year ago. Then I loved myself because I was different. Later on I started realizing I wasn't that ugly after all, so the "I'm pretty" thing is relatively new compared to the "I'm fun" thing.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

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  2. #32
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Op: This is (was) not self-esteem, but a huge barrier of delusions to protect your ego from reality, the reality you've created for yourself. It's a trick of your consciousness. After you began progressing forward, it was more rewarding to discard your shield to see clearer (you would've blinded yourself if you had done it before). Your construction was unstable, so you have to start over from the very beginning. Give yourself time to contemplate but don't overanalyze, push yourself in situations where it is imperative for you to decide and to better know yourself - your 'core' - through your actions. That's just my two cents though.

  3. #33
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    So, what you're all saying is... that I'm not that strange and I've never been it? Well, that's stupid. Then I'll have to change myself. And lose those five pounds. Boohoo.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
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    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  4. #34
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I would guess that you're not turning into a different person, but the person you always were, and your challenge/task is to learn to see that person and understand that person, rather than summon all these quirks to hide her to make yourself unique and separate. Best of luck.

  5. #35
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    This came after I graduated. My dad is leaving me more alone now.
    but what you have wrote about your dad and what he is like, it doesent seem like one phase thing, but something that he has been doing to you for a long long time slowly turning you more and more unhappy and to something you really are not. what you have said about him is that he is controlling and kind of like Te managing you to be something you are not.

    for example you talk about how much you love writing, have you considered something like getting an education on writing? it seems to me that you wont pursue this kind of things because your father tries to make you go to some other direction on your life that you cant really enjoy.

    or have you just exaggerated the things he does?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  6. #36
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    No, I haven't exaggerated it. It just seems like he feels like he's done now I graduated in high school. He's leaving me more alone right now, but I still can't move out until I'm in my twenties, for example. He did always want to push me in a certain way, but of some things he started to realize they will never become reality, like me becoming a lab worker. So now he's also trying to focus more on the outside things, like not letting me move out until I reached an "acceptable" age, pushing me to get a tan, trying to make me dress like everyone else and saying things that will make me go on a diet or train to get a supermodel body. But I can only pity him lately.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  7. #37
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    I think you're just angry at your parents and everybody because you feel unloved for years, which is logical..

  8. #38
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    I'm more angry with the rest of my family. My cousins always used to lock me up everywhere on birthdays and my aunts and uncles didn't give a crap about me because I was bad at sports and I wasn't light blonde like the rest.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    so what do you want to change?

  10. #40
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Myself. Me being ordinary. In that case I could possibly create more distance with my family, who wanted me to change. Or I could also hook up with a black guy, because I have a few very racist cousins. Or I could steal their boyfriends.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

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