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  1. #21
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    i think your problem is your dad, hes forcing you to head to the real world too much in his way and his way is totally unnatural for an enfp. you should really try to get your dad understand what he is doing you and that his way of doing stuff is not for you and its only making you miserable.

    I have noticed that if enfp is forced to do anything they will go into defensive mode where they start resisting everything that the person is forcing them to do even something they only suggest, even if they would enjoy it if they would have made the same decision by themselves. it seems that your dad forcing you to live your life in certain way is making you to go in this kind mode. But since he is making you(not just trying to make you) go his way(atleast in some degree) you do as he says, but you cant enjoy it(your life).

    you should really start doing things your way, but you shouldnt go from one extreme to another, finding the balance is the key to everything. you should think about it like this, your dad is trying to push you in one way too much and you are losing the balance causing you to fall, now if you start doing exactly like you would feel at the moment you would go too far on the other way and you would just fall in the other direction. like your dad is trying to get you live your life in certain way that you cant enjoy, his way isnt the wrong way when you look at it objectively(because you get things done and your life in order(the Te way)), but its not your way because your way is going how you feel is the right way. but if you go purely on how you feel about things and rebel against everything your dad says, you might feel its fun for a while, but you will fall in the end because you have to maintain some sort of order in your life and having realistic goals etc. What you need to do is to maintain this Te, but manage it thru your Fi. try to find things that you enjoy doing that are good for getting your life together. dont do things with your life just because your dad tells you to do them, but dont refuse them instantly, try to see if it fits to you and do they take your life where you want it to go.

    your dad should support you to find your own way instead of making you to go his way. you should tell him that, and that you wont compromise on that. you should refuse his way, but you should also tell him that if you go doing things purely on your way there is greater chance that you will fail without him supporting you. since he is an istj he thinks that your way will automatically make you fail in life, he just cant see that there can be another way where you can accomplish things.

    you arent kid anymore even tho your dad keeps telling you that. you just seem like a kid to him because you cant do things properly exactly his way.

    its not going to help if you just start yelling at your dad that he cant do things right because he would just see you as immature brat who just wont get what you should do, instead you should try to reason with him or he wont get you. you should also try to speak to your mom about this and tell her and your dad how serious this thing is and that this is a huge deal to you.

    someone told my mom once that the most important thing parents to do is make themselves useless. i think this is very true and your dad is not doing this because he is not really teaching you to get our life together

    if you can see that this is the problem i can try to help you find ways how you could reason these things with him or try to guide you in some other things related.

    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  2. #22
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Well, I see the things that I loved myself for are slowly disappearing. I'm turning normal, that causes stress that makes me gain weigth so I'm also getting less handsome. The things that I hated about myself, but that I've learned to accept, are still there, but with the good traits disappearing and other bad traits taking their place, accepting them any longer gets pretty hard and that also causes me getting more and more new bad traits because of the stress being something I hate brings. The self esteem wasn't fake, it's just that the good me is melting away.

    Maybe I'll have to like myself for the things other people seem to like about me. Too bad that I'm personally not that fond of those things.
    Maybe this is totally obvious, but loving yourself has nothing to do with how you look or weight. Loving yourself means unconditionally.

  3. #23
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Kat, when you say "I come up with less weird things to say and do", that IS deliberate, and hence can be inauthentic. You're not a traveling performer putting on a show portraying whatever persona you'd prefer to be. The trick here is becoming who YOU ARE and LIKING IT.

    This might just be a case of maturing and growing up. Just changing. You're supposed to say whatever you feel like saying or what you really think, it sounds like you depend on the reactions and opinions of others to act as a guide to what you SHOULD be or what traits, characteristics work out best. It sounds like you might actually be changing into who you are but it feels 'off' because it's not so deliberate.

    You keep using the words 'weird' and 'normal' and it almost sounds like you're using them to mean 'interesting' and 'uninteresting'. You keep bringing up these examples like you're trying so hard to make a case for yourself, like you want us all to understand you were interesting, and different, and valid. It doesn't seem like you understand that most people consider other people intrinsically and innately valid and valuable just by being human. Maybe I've got that all wrong, but that's what I'm getting from your posts.

    It sounds more and more like you're terrified of becoming 'nothing special' or something. Like the heart of your fear is being every day, commonplace, or (as you put it) 'normal'. Just the other day I saw you post on one of the random threads asking people to criticize you or whatever and I thought it was a joke so I responded as such but now I'm wondering if there's more there. If you become someone who isn't getting a ton of attention for some reason (being weird, being happy, being funny, being pretty), does that mean you don't like yourself or you're invalid?

    I'm not trying to come down on you here, I'm really trying very hard to understand your logic.
    All of my life, I only used to be friends with people who were different than all the others. I disliked people who were just like everyone else, because they bored me very quickly, that's why I only had strange friends. There were countless normal children, but those who were different were all one of a kind. Some of them were popular, some were rejected by almost everyone, but I always had a soft spot for oddballs and I had a harder time finding more common people sympathetic and feeling empathetic towards them. Maybe because I've always been weird myself too (I should try uploading a video of myself when I was a kid, there you can see). Now that I do see that I'm turning more into the everyday people who always used to bore me, it's indeed harder to like myself and I see myself turning invalid. It doesn't have to do anything with attention, because I only got that for the things that didn't mean anything to me (like getting high grades, speaking Hungarian and being the best educated of all grandchildren in the family). I'll still get the same attention, it's only different because they'll like me better now.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

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  4. #24
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    If there's one thing I know, if you're still talking about an ex, you're still in love with them.

    So... you're still in love with yourself.

  5. #25
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    i think your problem is your dad, hes forcing you to head to the real world too much in his way and his way is totally unnatural for an enfp. you should really try to get your dad understand what he is doing you and that his way of doing stuff is not for you and its only making you miserable.

    I have noticed that if enfp is forced to do anything they will go into defensive mode where they start resisting everything that the person is forcing them to do even something they only suggest, even if they would enjoy it if they would have made the same decision by themselves. it seems that your dad forcing you to live your life in certain way is making you to go in this kind mode. But since he is making you(not just trying to make you) go his way(atleast in some degree) you do as he says, but you cant enjoy it(your life).

    you should really start doing things your way, but you shouldnt go from one extreme to another, finding the balance is the key to everything. you should think about it like this, your dad is trying to push you in one way too much and you are losing the balance causing you to fall, now if you start doing exactly like you would feel at the moment you would go too far on the other way and you would just fall in the other direction. like your dad is trying to get you live your life in certain way that you cant enjoy, his way isnt the wrong way when you look at it objectively(because you get things done and your life in order(the Te way)), but its not your way because your way is going how you feel is the right way. but if you go purely on how you feel about things and rebel against everything your dad says, you might feel its fun for a while, but you will fall in the end because you have to maintain some sort of order in your life and having realistic goals etc. What you need to do is to maintain this Te, but manage it thru your Fi. try to find things that you enjoy doing that are good for getting your life together. dont do things with your life just because your dad tells you to do them, but dont refuse them instantly, try to see if it fits to you and do they take your life where you want it to go.

    your dad should support you to find your own way instead of making you to go his way. you should tell him that, and that you wont compromise on that. you should refuse his way, but you should also tell him that if you go doing things purely on your way there is greater chance that you will fail without him supporting you. since he is an istj he thinks that your way will automatically make you fail in life, he just cant see that there can be another way where you can accomplish things.

    you arent kid anymore even tho your dad keeps telling you that. you just seem like a kid to him because you cant do things properly exactly his way.

    its not going to help if you just start yelling at your dad that he cant do things right because he would just see you as immature brat who just wont get what you should do, instead you should try to reason with him or he wont get you. you should also try to speak to your mom about this and tell her and your dad how serious this thing is and that this is a huge deal to you.

    someone told my mom once that the most important thing parents to do is make themselves useless. i think this is very true and your dad is not doing this because he is not really teaching you to get our life together

    if you can see that this is the problem i can try to help you find ways how you could reason these things with him or try to guide you in some other things related.

    This came after I graduated. My dad is leaving me more alone now.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  6. #26
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    Maybe this is totally obvious, but loving yourself has nothing to do with how you look or weight. Loving yourself means unconditionally.
    Unconditional love doesn't exist. Even mothers don't love their children unconditionally. I have a friend whose mother openly hates her.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Unconditional love doesn't exist. Even mothers don't love their children unconditionally. I have a friend whose mother openly hates her.
    it doesnt exist from other person, but from yourself it should. other way things like looks, aging, failures would destroy you completely.

    i just think that looks doesnt have much to do with loving yourself, because people who hate themselves for looks hated themselves even before that, they only found a reason.

    and also, you are gorgeous so ...


    also i agree much with INTP's post.

    dont know what type's your dad (ESTJ?) but my mom is ISTJ and she was very unsupportive of me, only recently she really started to accept me and support me in finding my own way, but now it's a bit late because i already chose wrong career, but still feels better to be more understood.

  8. #28
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    it doesnt exist from other person, but from yourself it should. other way things like looks, aging, failures would destroy you completely.

    i just think that looks doesnt have much to do with loving yourself, because people who hate themselves for looks hated themselves even before that, they only found a reason.

    and also, you are gorgeous so ...


    also i agree much with INTP's post.

    dont know what type's your dad (ESTJ?) but my mom is ISTJ and she was very unsupportive of me, only recently she really started to accept me and support me in finding my own way, but now it's a bit late because i already chose wrong career, but still feels better to be more understood.

    I's not just my looks. I'm turning into the kind of person I never liked, so I stop liking myself for the inside and that causes stress, and because I'm an emotional eater it makes me gain weight an then I don't even have my outside anymore to love and hold on to.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  9. #29
    Sniffles
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    Self-love and egotism are not the same thing.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    I's not just my looks. I'm turning into the kind of person I never liked, so I stop liking myself for the inside and that causes stress, and because I'm an emotional eater it makes me gain weight an then I don't even have my outside anymore to love and hold on to.
    i am still with my first assesment; your ego defenses are down or simply not enough any more.

    Its like when extremely charming and handsome man becomes older -> crisis. Because his self-love wasnt real.

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