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  1. #1
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Default How do you act around racists?

    Well, in my country - Croatia- there are so many rasistic people. Whenever I hear someone hates somebody based on nationality, or anything like that, I just dismiss person and dont want to have contact with her, any. But problem is when those people are my family... about 90% of my family from my dad's side hate all Serbian people (which is my mother), to the point of not wanting for Serbian to enter their house EVER, my cusine was in relationship with Serbian guy and for 4 years they didnt let her bring him home and didnt want her to marry him.
    That mentality is everywhere around me. My mother still cant tell, she hides it, to 80++% people that she has contact with in job/friends/family that she's Serbian. Not to mention what would happen to gays etc.
    So, my mom is not so bothered by this because she secretely despises 80+% people around her, but she is still keeping contacts because if she quits contact with everyone who hates Serbian she'd get fired and lose 90% of friends and family.
    But I cant do that, i cant put aside what i know about my aunts and still have contact with them, but on the other hand I cant end contact with EVERYBODY bc I care, in a way.
    I also cant keep my mouths shut, I am avoiding many people from my family, because whenever someone says something racistic I dont want to be quiet....but that would lead to fights and in the end only change would be i'd be isolated completely, and they are only family i have.

    i know it sounds like i should end contacts but its not so simple...


  2. #2
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Im mixed, but look completely asian. Some people slip and talk about black people around me, because they dont know Im part black. I usually say something to make them feel stupid, "You just hurt a quarter of my feelings" or something like that...then they feel like ass's for saying such ignorant things . Or I will challenge what they said if its about another race. Its different here in America...your situation is way more tough .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  3. #3
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    This is a classic "gray zone" problem with no clear choices or easy outcomes.

    If you are a charismatic, calm, confident, engaging, and patient individual, you may be able to convince your friends and family to become less racist over time. Maybe through one on one talks, maybe through 'dinner table' discussions.

    This is the perhaps the most "noble" path, although an extremely taxing one (you will be met with resistance) and it will leave you open to attack and alienation.




    The way I've dealt with this in many cases is to make new friends. At some point your sensibilities of what you believe in will kick in and you're going to want to be with like minded individuals.


    FWIW:
    I'm frequently too timid to call someone a bigot outright unless they say something really over the top. Sometimes I just turn a blind eye to a racist comment, and make note to avoid those persons in the future.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    In light of what Sparrow said, yes, the American concept of race relations is unique and different from yours in Eastern Europe.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Sounds like a tough spot. Where I live racism is seen as a bad thing, someone sprouting racist ideology will be in the minority so it's relatively easy for me to write them of as someone I want nothing to do with and avoid them. As it's your family you're in a whole other ball game.

    Rationalise it. Do you think you can change their opinions? Often times the answer to that would be a resounding no, therefore the best case scenario if they won't change their views is for them to know you're uncomfortable with their views and can they please not share them around you.

    If they can't respect that you make a choice to either embrace the conflict that will come from telling people their morals are wrong and your morals are right, or you distance yourself emotionally from them when they say things you find abhorrent.

    If they won't tone down what they're saying you seem to be left with the option you're currently taking, limit the time you spend with them, go less often, don't stay as long.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Racism is what you get when you've got nothing on top of your neck.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  7. #7
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I laugh at them, or rather chuckle in exasperated disbelief that anyone can think such things about certain peoples enough to group them all into a whole. Above all I think rascism is unique societally as it NEVER goes both ways. For example (I live in the United States): A white man can call a black man rascist, but the person who points the finger in this situation is severely out numbered by all minorities put together. Yay, for the past!

  8. #8
    Senor Membrane
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    Well, I have been beaten up by some nationalists once, and before that we got a stone through the window, and before that I was quite close to being beaten up couple of times. And this was never about race. Two times I was a tourist, once I had a make-up, and the stone was because they were thrown out of a party (in which they were not invited in the first place). So, I do have some resentment...

    If it is about these neo-nazi fuckers, I usually try to not hang out in the proximity, and if some of my friends invited me somewhere where they had invited one of these guys I'd probably leave and/or make it known to my friend that I don't want anything to do with those guys so better not include me on the guest list if there are nationalists around.

    If it is about someone talking racist stuff, I will most likely see where they are getting those ideas from and argue their point.

  9. #9
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    I try and not bring up the issue of race with them.

    If they bring it up or related segue generally I will try and change the subject or eject myself from listening distance.

    Most racist remarks come from a emotional/inferiority driven place.

    Once in a blue moon you run across one with clever rhetoric on the subject or a unique spin on their particular brand of hate which can be interesting to observe.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #10
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Once in a blue moon you run across one with clever rhetoric on the subject
    Yep. Usually they turn out not to be racists after all, just against current immigration policy. I don't mind them. The real racist in my opinion is the guy who just wants an excuse (and a gang) to beat people up.

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