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Choosing to Feel

gromit

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Can we, humans, choose to feel a certain way, say for example to feel empathy/sympathy toward someone? Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?
 

Moiety

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I hope whatever knowledge you are trying to seek here is not to be applied in a relationship. Don't change the way you feel and don't let ANYONE tell you you are wrong for feeling a certain way even if you are wrong. That's not how relationships should work.

Ahem, as for the topic question...I don't think there is such a thing as choosing to feel. But if during a long period of time you have to circumstances that make certain feelings fade and others arise......I suppose after a long time, you can delude or change yourself. A lie told enough times becomes true.
 

gromit

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Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation. :)

I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?
 

Moiety

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Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation. :)

I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?

If you trust your instincts about her and get enough evidence supporting you as well... of course.

Like my ENFJ. I know where she comes from, but I think it's based on stuff I completely and utterly disagree with. We disagree on most every thing. She's the only person I'm ready to delude myself for...deny my instincts and ignore the facts...because I want her to be happy. It's past the phase of understanding. She doesn't understand me or want to understand. I wanted to change her...make her understand...but I've given up on that battle a while ago.

I can't change the way I feel but I can change the way I act I guess. And I do that even though I have to feel fake and deny my internal thoughts. It just makes me disconnect though.
 

INTP

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Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?

this.
 

nolla

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I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

You can do when you get to know why someone acts the way they do. They usually start looking like less of a threat and more like broken things that you pity. It's not really an upgrade in their status, since pity is almost as bad, but it is a change in your thoughts and behaviors.
 

Coriolis

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Can we, humans, choose to feel a certain way, say for example to feel empathy/sympathy toward someone? Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?
I believe we can. The mind is a powerful tool, and can be used to persuade ourselves of almost anything. Choosing to feel a certain way would result from persuading oneself that feeling that way is somehow desirable. Such a change, or a choice, can result from a change in perspective, as when my anger at being kept waiting turns into tolerance as I contemplate possible reasons for the delay.

I am curious about the other side of this question: what happens when we choose not to feel something. I will pursue this in another thread.
 

Arclight

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There is a definite link between behavior and emotion.

You might not be able to control how you feel directly, but you can always control your reaction and behavior.
In time, if you maintain control over your reactions and behavior , your emotions change as well.

Simple example.. Getting Caught in the rain.. This used to drive me apeshit. I would curse God, stomp my feet and mutter under my breath the whole rest of the way to wherever I was going. Plus I would be in a shitty mood for hours afterward.
Then one day I just accepted it.. I was still angry, but I didn't curse God and throw a temper tantrum. I kept it up, and eventually being in the rain simply didn't bother me or change my mood anymore.

Simple example. but I think it can be spread across the whole emotional spectrum..
 

Thalassa

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Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation. :)

I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?

That sounds like emotional maturity to me - looking past your initial feeling to try to understand where someone else is coming from and why she does what she does. That doesn't mean her behavior doesn't annoy you, but it could potentially keep annoyance from becoming irrational anger or producing further misunderstandings.

I don't think it's deluding yourself if you acknowledge your feelings, but don't take your feelings for gospel. I personally think it's immature Fi to be blindly guided by feelings with no reflection on what those feelings actually mean, or if they have any bearing in reality, or if at least there's a healthier way to express them.

Deluding yourself would be saying that you didn't feel anything at all.

Yes, I think people can choose to feel, just as some people choose to not feel, or bury their feelings.
 
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