User Tag List

Results 1 to 9 of 9

  1. #1
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,651

    Default Choosing to Feel

    Can we, humans, choose to feel a certain way, say for example to feel empathy/sympathy toward someone? Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    I hope whatever knowledge you are trying to seek here is not to be applied in a relationship. Don't change the way you feel and don't let ANYONE tell you you are wrong for feeling a certain way even if you are wrong. That's not how relationships should work.

    Ahem, as for the topic question...I don't think there is such a thing as choosing to feel. But if during a long period of time you have to circumstances that make certain feelings fade and others arise......I suppose after a long time, you can delude or change yourself. A lie told enough times becomes true.

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,651

    Default

    Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation.

    I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

    Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation.

    I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

    Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?
    If you trust your instincts about her and get enough evidence supporting you as well... of course.

    Like my ENFJ. I know where she comes from, but I think it's based on stuff I completely and utterly disagree with. We disagree on most every thing. She's the only person I'm ready to delude myself for...deny my instincts and ignore the facts...because I want her to be happy. It's past the phase of understanding. She doesn't understand me or want to understand. I wanted to change her...make her understand...but I've given up on that battle a while ago.

    I can't change the way I feel but I can change the way I act I guess. And I do that even though I have to feel fake and deny my internal thoughts. It just makes me disconnect though.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?
    this.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  6. #6
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?
    You can do when you get to know why someone acts the way they do. They usually start looking like less of a threat and more like broken things that you pity. It's not really an upgrade in their status, since pity is almost as bad, but it is a change in your thoughts and behaviors.

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,517

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Can we, humans, choose to feel a certain way, say for example to feel empathy/sympathy toward someone? Or is it more like we try to set ourselves up in the optimal circumstances so that the 'desired' feelings have the greatest chance of developing?
    I believe we can. The mind is a powerful tool, and can be used to persuade ourselves of almost anything. Choosing to feel a certain way would result from persuading oneself that feeling that way is somehow desirable. Such a change, or a choice, can result from a change in perspective, as when my anger at being kept waiting turns into tolerance as I contemplate possible reasons for the delay.

    I am curious about the other side of this question: what happens when we choose not to feel something. I will pursue this in another thread.

  8. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    There is a definite link between behavior and emotion.

    You might not be able to control how you feel directly, but you can always control your reaction and behavior.
    In time, if you maintain control over your reactions and behavior , your emotions change as well.

    Simple example.. Getting Caught in the rain.. This used to drive me apeshit. I would curse God, stomp my feet and mutter under my breath the whole rest of the way to wherever I was going. Plus I would be in a shitty mood for hours afterward.
    Then one day I just accepted it.. I was still angry, but I didn't curse God and throw a temper tantrum. I kept it up, and eventually being in the rain simply didn't bother me or change my mood anymore.

    Simple example. but I think it can be spread across the whole emotional spectrum..

  9. #9
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Heheh... thanks for the disclaimer. I can assure you that is not my situation.

    I mean in general, like say your little sister just always annoys you, but you want to understand where she's coming from more or something like that...?

    Do you have to interpret it like deluding yourself?
    That sounds like emotional maturity to me - looking past your initial feeling to try to understand where someone else is coming from and why she does what she does. That doesn't mean her behavior doesn't annoy you, but it could potentially keep annoyance from becoming irrational anger or producing further misunderstandings.

    I don't think it's deluding yourself if you acknowledge your feelings, but don't take your feelings for gospel. I personally think it's immature Fi to be blindly guided by feelings with no reflection on what those feelings actually mean, or if they have any bearing in reality, or if at least there's a healthier way to express them.

    Deluding yourself would be saying that you didn't feel anything at all.

    Yes, I think people can choose to feel, just as some people choose to not feel, or bury their feelings.

Similar Threads

  1. Would you choose to have a T or F child?
    By LucrativeSid in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 120
    Last Post: 12-15-2010, 09:39 AM
  2. Choosing NOT to feel
    By Coriolis in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 09-15-2010, 08:57 AM
  3. [MBTItm] If you get to be a RATIONAL(NT) which type would you choose to be?
    By Riva in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 99
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 11:46 AM
  4. Choosing to to live in "modes"
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-06-2008, 11:57 AM
  5. Would you choose to be born?
    By proteanmix in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 10-09-2007, 05:34 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO