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Fatherless Child

You

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Jun 8, 2010
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I am one.

My brothers, sisters and neices are too. And I wonder how it affects most people psychologically. People often want to say girls end up with daddy issues. Guys have problem with aggression. Those are the sterotypes, but what do you think is the truth?
 

Ratsimoan

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I am one, too. I guess you can say my lack of trust in men come from not growing up with a father. I'm not quite sure if I have daddy issues.
 

Chloe

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I think it's individual... i mean, one healthy parent is sometimes enough if your personalities are matching and circumstances are good.

I am also fatherless.... I wasnt aware until recently how much it affected me. The reason why I wasnt aware is because I completely blocked feelings and needs towards him since early childhood. I didnt think I have right to father. I think it all started when I was 4 and he was going to war so, I remembered after doing some introspection, that I got so scared that he'll die then that I completely lost him that day, and when he came back I was older and didnt remember it but I was totally damaged.
I wasnt aware of that, I was basically happy-go-lucky kid but always felt i m deeply wounded and I was.

I dont think person needs to have issues life long, there are good ways to fix that, grieve loses. I will certainly not go through life with bleeding wounds that will fuck up my relationships and self image and all.
 

INTP

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another bastard reporting. i dont have issues with aggression and i dont think not having a father has effected me much because my mom has been so awesome even tho raising me alone must not have been an easy job. not that i have been a hard child to raise, but still..
 

WildCard

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Jul 21, 2010
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I think it may have something to do with some aspects of someone's personality. Some of them may not be as obvious as some of the sterotypical signs, but I do know that growing up without a mother or father leads to some problems.

For me, my parents got divorced and my mother refused to let me have any contact with him until recently. I have a lot of anger issues towards males, and have a hard time establishing good relationships with men in general. I think if I had grown up with a male figure, I could have learned things that I needed to know from a good source rather than relying on what I could only see.

It's kinda like not having a Yin for your Yang. Things will be unbalanced in some way or another.
 

INTP

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I think if I had grown up with a male figure, I could have learned things that I needed to know from a good source rather than relying on what I could only see.

you didnt have any uncles, grandpa, older cousins or other males in your life that you could have used as male figure? i dont believe that male figure absolutely has to be your father
 

WildCard

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Doesn't have to be, true. You could have learned those things from an uncle or grandfather as well. I just think there's a bit of a difference between the bond between father/child vs a grandparent or uncle relationship.

You could get all this from another relationship and be able to work as well. I haven't for myself, so all I have to go from my experience.
 

INTP

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i wonder if some types need less of a male figure(as in it doesent matter if that male figure isnt around much) to get the idea on how males should act.
 

WildCard

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It's quite possible. I've met a few people who didn't have a male figure in their lives and they seemed just fine. I'm quite curious as to which types that would be though.
 

INTP

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It's quite possible. I've met a few people who didn't have a male figure in their lives and they seemed just fine. I'm quite curious as to which types that would be though.

i think my Ti helped on that one since i was able to figure out how things worked pretty well without having to rely too much on information from outer world
 

You

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Don't think thats the same for an ENFP. I almost don't care how things work - I just do.

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXv2exiuGjM&feature=related"]All For You[/youtube]

This is my song...
 

Totenkindly

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We're on a typology site. So it's clear there are different types of people in the world, and I think someone's personality impacts how they respond to a particular missing parent (whether father or mother), as well as the personality and approach of the available parent, who else is available as a role model, the attitudes of peers, whether there is some sort of over-arching philosophical/religious belief that provides sustenance (or removes it), etc.

I also think it's possible to feel like you're doing just fine in your current situation, then reach a new situation in life (such as getting married, or becoming a parent), and then really noticing the void or realizing you might have developed some coping mechanisms to overcome the missing parent's absence, that make things harder for you. Being a child under a parent has a different set of responsibilities than being a young adult on your own, or a spouse yourself, or a parent. So you need to remain aware of your past and possible blind spots, and have someone to go to for advice or encouragement.

i think my Ti helped on that one since i was able to figure out how things worked pretty well without having to rely too much on information from outer world

From what I've seen, INTPs do pretty well as teenagers in terms of being self-sufficient, etc., even if missing a parent figure.

- Able to perceive what's going on and figure out solutions
- Subjects emotions to rationality rather than acting out of emotion
- Typically independent and not one to base self on authority figures
- Not typically "macho" either and doesn't look as much for "guy" things

Still, I think the issues for INTP males would come later in life, if they end up becoming a husband and/or father. At that point, a positive role model is helpful, especially in regard to how to deal relationally with a spouse or child.
 

Saslou

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My parents divorced when i was 5 and i was very much a daddy's girl. We lived with mum and at the time i had no clue that she felt stifled in her marriage so when free of it, she allowed me ad my brother so much freedom and independence that it was great. I still spent time with my father at the weekends for a few hours and the occasional holiday .. but again not realising at the time, he actually kidnapped me and my brother and we stayed with family in Nottingham .. I remember my mum calling in tears, but didn't understand. I loved my dad.

My children do not see their father .. And god i gave him chance after chance. My ex was around for 6 years (longer than the bio father) so he was around but it wasn't the same (He didn't take the kids to play ball on the field or be very interactive although he came to the Xmas plays :yes:). My eldest (15) doesn't care about his 'Father' .. My youngest (13), the kid has issues ..

I've made bad decisions, i am aware of that. I hope they'll come to a point in the future where they can hopefully understand why i behaved the way i did.

Now we have a male member of the family to come and talk to my youngest when things are going crazy so i am grateful that he gets some support.
 
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