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  1. #11
    What is, is. Arthur Schopenhauer's Avatar
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    Okay, does this make sense, when I am in a mood I avoid people because they will hurt me more because I am Fi and a hurt Fe would avoid people because they are afraid to hurt others?

    I really don't understand Fi and Fe all that much. I've been meaning to get around to it.
    INTJ | 5w4 - Sp/Sx/So | 5-4-(9/1) | RLoEI | Melancholic-Choleric | Johari & Nohari

    This will not end well...
    But it will at least be poetic, I suppose...

    Hmm... But what if it does end well?
    Then I suppose it will be a different sort of poetry, a preferable sort...
    A sort I could become accustomed to...



  2. #12
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MagnificentMind View Post
    Okay, does this make sense, when I am in a mood I avoid people because they will hurt me more because I am Fi and a hurt Fe would avoid people because they are afraid to hurt others?
    Potentially, makes sense to me that things could happen that way.

  3. #13
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Do EXTPs cry from their tertiary Fe?

  4. #14
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    If you hurt me, I disappear, basically, is what it looks like. I don't say anything, I get up and leave, go someplace where you can't find me and stay there, whatever that means (lock the door, turn the phone off, be invisible on the computer, etc.) The more I want to keep the relationship, the less willing I am to talk about it. I have found most people will be happy to just resume where we left off just before the bad thing happened, and if I am left alone long enough, I can usually muster that, and eventually get back in synch. Actually, I guess I don't like to talk about it if I don't want to continue, either. I just stop interacting.

    Ok, and there's this: It's not even so much about me. Some things I take really hard because of the fact that people do such things to each other. And incidentally, it happened to me. But it's not about me, it's about us as human beings. Like, if I see a sadistic movie, it's not so much the event that's happening on the screen, it's the fact that someone could think like that, that we have that in us, that hurts me. The idea of the thing.

  5. #15
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    If you hurt me, I disappear, basically, is what it looks like. I don't say anything, I get up and leave, go someplace where you can't find me and stay there, whatever that means (lock the door, turn the phone off, be invisible on the computer, etc.) The more I want to keep the relationship, the less willing I am to talk about it. I have found most people will be happy to just resume where we left off just before the bad thing happened, and if I am left alone long enough, I can usually muster that, and eventually get back in synch. Actually, I guess I don't like to talk about it if I don't want to continue, either. I just stop interacting.
    Please tell me if it is the same when I opt to leave a conversation that is becoming hurtful/emotionally charged because I want to leave before I say something I will regret later? Yes, I feel pain in such circumstances, but it does not shut me down, if anything it is a primer for me to engage my self protection mechanisms. When I have done this in the past, at times I have been accused of "not wanting to communicate", to which I have replied "It's in both of our best interest that I stop communicating right now, and get some air. please excuse me."

    Same or different?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Ok, and there's this: It's not even so much about me. Some things I take really hard because of the fact that people do such things to each other. And incidentally, it happened to me. But it's not about me, it's about us as human beings. Like, if I see a sadistic movie, it's not so much the event that's happening on the screen, it's the fact that someone could think like that, that we have that in us, that hurts me. The idea of the thing.
    I understand where you are coming from on this one. When I saw the movie "Hostel" I was pretty disturbed. When I was a kid, those type of gore films did not bother me so much, and now I think I know why, it is because I wasn't contemplating the underlying humanity (or complete lack thereof) of it all.

    Similarly, I get somewhat upset when I hear of cases like Natalie Holloway's. Such events happen all too frequently, and it horrid and evil, and I wish the bastards that do such things were immediately rounded up and shot in the skull several times. But maybe that is a difference in how we as humans react to such pain/hurt: (a) some of us are more prone to internalizing it, and (b) others are prone to internalizing it to a limited degree, and then channel it into anger, disgust, resentment, etc. I'm not saying one approach is better than the other at all, just that there appear to be a few distinct means of processing that kind of energy.
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    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  6. #16
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Hmm, I am confused by reading this thread.

    My two closest friends are Fe Dom and Fe Aux and I am Fi Dom and we are definitely different when we express hurt. Also to take into consideration are the other functions. I have Te somewhere so when I am 'generally/overall hurt' and it is not directed at someone in particular but by life/society as a whole, I get very Te. I don't usually express hurt at all. I get judgmental and rigid outwardly but inwardly, I am moody and depressed, over-thinking and over-feeling. When I express hurt to my friends, I can't really talk until I, myself, have calmed down.

    For example: My ESFJ friend said something really hurtful and rude (plus condensing and other things :steam to me a few weeks ago. I was maybe stressed that day/emotional overall so I burst into tears, not the sobbing kind, just tears. It took me a while to collect myself and express to her why she hurt me, how she hurt, why I was generally hurt and etc. This is very rare btw. I seldom cry in front of others, over anything unless I am completely overwhelmed. It seemed like at first, I held it in but it was too much so my dam broke and I had to express myself in an erratic way.

    My Fe friends don't usually hold in until they explode. Their Fe allows them to naturally express their emotions as they come, that day, not usually days or several internal reasonings later. I try to deal with my own feelings first and if I can't, I find a friend but if I can, I don't like to share. Fe doesn't seem to have that strict barrier. Not to say that they can't deal themselves but they don't feel that it's uncomfortable I am thinking.

    I would seldom say something like, "You really hurt me..." because first of all, to me, I am in control of my feelings so whatever I feel, I am the first one responsible. If I am sad, it is partially my fault so I have misgivings about blaming others or telling them I am sad/upset. I somehow should have known better than to expect you to ... or trust you to ... It hurts my pride the most, every time but I am working on this as I realize if they don't know how you feel, they can't act in accordance to how your feel. But Fe doesn't have a problem being very direct about how they feel and holding others responsible. I mostly only express my feelings if it will accomplish something in my external environment or with my relationships. If it wouldn't, I don't express them just to share. It's like I have a rigid agenda for all my feelings if I am going to expose them to the open. Not that I am not often indecisive and uncertain about how I feel.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Hmm, I am confused by reading this thread.

    My two closest friends are Fe Dom and Fe Aux and I am Fi Dom and we are definitely different when we express hurt. Also to take into consideration are the other functions. I have Te somewhere so when I am 'generally/overall hurt' and it is not directed at someone in particular but by life/society as a whole, I get very Te. I don't usually express hurt at all. I get judgmental and rigid outwardly but inwardly, I am moody and depressed, over-thinking and over-feeling. When I express hurt to my friends, I can't really talk until I, myself, have calmed down.

    For example: My ESFJ friend said something really hurtful and rude (plus condensing and other things :steam to me a few weeks ago. I was maybe stressed that day/emotional overall so I burst into tears, not the sobbing kind, just tears. It took me a while to collect myself and express to her why she hurt me, how she hurt, why I was generally hurt and etc. This is very rare btw. I seldom cry in front of others, over anything unless I am completely overwhelmed. It seemed like at first, I held it in but it was too much so my dam broke and I had to express myself in an erratic way.

    My Fe friends don't usually hold in until they explode. Their Fe allows them to naturally express their emotions as they come, that day, not usually days or several internal reasonings later. I try to deal with my own feelings first and if I can't, I find a friend but if I can, I don't like to share. Fe doesn't seem to have that strict barrier. Not to say that they can't deal themselves but they don't feel that it's uncomfortable I am thinking.

    I would seldom say something like, "You really hurt me..." because first of all, to me, I am in control of my feelings so whatever I feel, I am the first one responsible. If I am sad, it is partially my fault so I have misgivings about blaming others or telling them I am sad/upset. I somehow should have known better than to expect you to ... or trust you to ... It hurts my pride the most, every time but I am working on this as I realize if they don't know how you feel, they can't act in accordance to how your feel. But Fe doesn't have a problem being very direct about how they feel and holding others responsible. I mostly only express my feelings if it will accomplish something in my external environment or with my relationships. If it wouldn't, I don't express them just to share. It's like I have a rigid agenda for all my feelings if I am going to expose them to the open. Not that I am not often indecisive and uncertain about how I feel.
    Awesome. Now I think I have Fe. Thanks. I think. I have no problem telling people how I feel, holding them responsible, and I cry easily.

    Does anyone think this is an extrovert/introvert difference? Would there be a difference if you're INFP and I'm ENFP?

  8. #18
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Rebe here that if I am hurt (something not related to my values), my first instinct would be to look inward to see if I had done something wrong. Perhaps there is a bit of sp involved there.

    Even if there is a large thunderstorm roiling within, I rarely lash out but people can usually sense the moodiness and prickliness emanating through the barriers.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Hurt Fe revolves around other people. A way I might have a hurt Fe attack is if I hurt someone else I instantly feel what I am doing to them, and Ni backing it up, I see all the angles in which I am hurting them which in turn makes me feel like I am utterly swimming in guilt and self doubt. It feels like self hatred and self loathing for being a useless waste who is unworthy of love.

    I've also seen it show up as self sacrifice, maybe if I hurt myself bad enough someone will care kind of thing.

    Fe is totally reliant on external forces.
    That is Type 6 behavior . It is literally described as "If I get into enough trouble, someone will come and rescue me"

    Interesting.

  10. #20
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Key here is that Fi uses empathy and Fe uses sympathy.

    Fi being emphatic means that if he can understand why someone hurt his Fi, he will retreat and blame himself for what ever happened. But when he cant understand, he will attack using Te(looking failure in logic from external world), and he will most likely find a failure(or something that will support his point of view) from it and attack using logic(logic in this case doesent have to be logical, but the thinking process works with logic, even tho the logic might suck in it) and act cold. Dom Fi can empathize better causing him to retreat(and take blame) easier and since Fi dom has lower Te, he wont attack back so easily, than EXFP would. XXTJ would be pretty bad at using empathy and would attack using Te more readily

    When someone hurts you, you will lose your sympathy easier than empathy, this is why Fe user would rage at you easier than Fi user.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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