I dont think they failed me in anyway, I do wish that I'd grown up in a dry household or one in which my parents if they took a drink recognised a very clear, clear trade off, ie if I take a drink I will not converse with anyone, there where far, far too many arguments between siblings or between parents which where badly mediated, escalated or caused which where forgotten just the next day which could have and should have been avoided altogether.
I think that I've been fine but then I'm aware that I relied on uncles too for a good bit, became an avid reader, with a particular interest from as early as eleven, in analytical perspectives, mainly politics and sociology, while it was pretty blinkered and authoritarian to begin with it effectively meant that I developed some insights, appreciation and gratitude for what I had warts and all, and I mean that in a much more than materialist sense.
My siblings have perhaps different experiences, I know that one of them closely mirrored the behaviour, expectations and travils which his friends or popular culture represented to him.
The third child, my sister, is pretty much lost, she's a self-absorbed adult who I think had a crisis and started drinking really early, like not left school and possibly around about sixteen or there abouts.
The very youngest is very responsible, very organised, very out going and pretty resilient in the sense that he does not get stressed by challenges, unfamiliar situations or new tasks. He's undertaken long trips in my mum's car without anyone else who is a driver (I dont believe that you can be a useful co-pilot or give directions unless you are)which I would have been concerned about (although perhaps not shown).
i wish dad hadn't had such a difficult childhood. he has some really sad and annoying behaviorisms because of it (for example, eating pretty much as fast as he can because if he didn't, he wouldn't get any food). he's very critical too. i wish he'd have lightened up a bit on me as a teenager.
i wish my mom would stop making me feel bad for her. she's an amazing person and very capable, but she uses guilt tripping as a tool sometimes. it doesn't make me feel guilty about anything i've done, just sad for her. and it never works with me, i just get annoyed.
i also reallyyyy wish i could have talked to my grandpa more, when i was older like this. he died when i was 17. i think we were on the same page in life in general, and he just was an awesome person.
otherwise, they sacrificed so much for me. i suspect they would have been pretty damn rich if it hadn't been for my medical bills. not that we're struggling to get by or anything, i just kinda wonder sometimes if they would have had to work less hard.
I wish they'd stopped having children when they realized they couldn't afford the first one instead of continuing on to 4. :steam: I always had food, shelter and clothing so I can't complain I guess, but I wish the quality was a little higher so I wasn't ruthlessly mocked and froze my ass off every winter because I didn't have real winter clothes.
I wish we'd ever had the inclination/money to do anything as a family beyond visiting extended family and grocery shopping.
The lack of money also made things like sports and music lessons impossible, though I'm not sure if I even would have been interested since it was always clearly not a possibility so I didn't waste time thinking about it. But looking back, it would have been nice.
I wish they'd backed off from shoving religion down my throat and maybe I'd have a more favourable opinon of it (then again maybe this is for the best).
I wish they'd divorced earlier instead of have huge screaming fights every night (often with things flying around)
On the plus side my mom taught me to read at a young age so I knew how to read when I started kindergarden, and dad taught me to be financially conscious. And I've learned a LOT from them about what not to do in relationships and life, lol...
What did they do which really stands out as significant?
They thought all of us [I'm oldest of 5] were special, and they showed that we were valued. Now, I realize how important and rare that is and it's the one thing I will make sure to take with me if I have kids.
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?
They gave me a bit too much freedom. I had intelligence but I didn't have perspective. Unfortunately, I don't know if I would have let them force me into gaining any.
i wish they would've moved somewhere cool...or at least traveled with us a lot more...i wish they weren't so afraid of my accident prone self and encouraged me to be more physical...learning to ski or ice skate...whatever...things like that..or pushed me to learn to ride a bike ffs...anyway...besides that sort of stuff they did really well...my house was full of love and laughs...all of us very close.
There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
More quality time spent together and emotional closeness, really getting to know and support me as an individual. That was lacking. They took care of me as best as they could and stuck around, so I can't really complain, considering that some kids don't even have that.
There's not really much more I could ask of from my parents. If I really had to say one thing I wish I'd had, that would be it: emotional closeness. Perhaps it has to do with there being so many children (SIX!), and me being on the older end. But I kind of felt like there wasn't enough parent energy to go around in some ways. I pretty much had to take care of myself by the time I was 11 or so, felt like the best thing I could do was not cause/have any problems, or if I did have any problems or feel sad or frustrated about anything to just deal with it myself.
But the way I see it, each generation almost has this obligation to the next not only to pass along the good that they received from the previous generation, but also what they wished they'd had as children, to the best of their abilities.
I know where my parents came from, and they worked really hard to be better parents and give their children more than they had growing up (nothing against my grandparents - great people, they just struggled with things like alcoholism on one side and poverty on the other side). My parents provided us with stability; we never had to worry about food, though we always wore hand-me-down clothes from kind friends or shopped at thrift stores and had to eat some weird stuff on occasion. But they taught us to have inquiring minds, to love and enjoy life, to value kindness, to take care of ourselves financially and physically. I really, really appreciate that.
So hopefully I (with a loving partner) can offer the next generation financial stability, a generally supportive home environment, AND the kind of emotional closeness that I wanted as a child.
WOW that post became longer than I expected.
Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.