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  1. #1
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Default Changing someone else's attitude

    Give me all the possible ways to deal with someone who is a habitual whiner, the kind who constantly complains about other people's achievements, other people's failures and especially other people's complaints.

    Avoidance isn't an option and making things worse isn't ideal in the slightest.

    I want to metaphorically slap them so they change their attitude, is that even remotely possible? And how could it be attempted? How would you attempt it?

  2. #2
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Pat them on the head every time they whine about something. Say it's going to be ok.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oakysage View Post
    Pat them on the head every time they whine about something. Say it's going to be ok.
    Petting has not been proven scientifically to work. I am still conducting experiments, and I've found them disappointing.

  4. #4
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    Oh...and to the OP...expose said whiner to people with real problems. Hell, put the whiner in a horrible situation so they'll appreciate what they usually have.

    I think that's the best solution, personally.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    1) encourage their self-esteem so they will begin to see the good in themselves and thus, the good in others, but that's a very active stance, might require you faking a bit, or a lot depending on if you actually like the person at all

    I have a friend who complains and whines and supposedly, I could help by encouraging her and complimenting her good qualities, 'coddle' her, but I can't do that, don't do that naturally. I can only offer logical solutions as to how to resolve her problems, but none of this verbal hugging that my Fe friends can do. And I appreciate it from them, but it's not one of my skills. I can show sympathy to a degree, but the whole thing is frustrating.

    2) when they talk, just zone out. if s/he is not important to you, is not a friend or part of your social circle, there's no need to dig into their business. don't let any of it bug it. just nod or pretend to be busy. be there but don't draw all of that mess inside yourself. is that avoidance? that's a more low-key, don't stir the boat stance.

    3) The other thing is riskier than both. You can lay it out there on them. This could make things worse, but I don't see any other options. It's either coddling, ignore or Te-slap their face. Tell them that they have a negative attitude, blaming others for own problems, being a *ussy instead of a go-getter ... etc.

  6. #6
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Petting has not been proven scientifically to work. I am still conducting experiments, and I've found them disappointing.
    Hmmm. I see. I've never tried it before so I wouldn't know. There are other options. Like trying to get them to appeal to be more wise and patient if they value it at all of course...

  7. #7
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Beat them up.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    um...say stop defining yourself by others...who gives a f@ck!?? everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and the goal isn't to beat everyone according to their strengths...find your own and rock it...do you...screw everyone else!

    and...i don't wanna hear it anymore...it pisses me off because i like you and value you in this and that way and it frustrates the hell out of me that you can't see it!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    i had a friend like this, i moved away i roll my eyes when i see her facebook statuses. i haven't figured out how to get her to stop complainng i've known her since middle school so....basically you're fucked. no offense.

  10. #10
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    no offense.
    None taken, you're likely right. It's someone I've worked with for quite a number of years, they're some kind of mixture of being unaware of how negative they are and having a strong sense of entitlement about their complaints. Lovely person, but that trait grates on me, I crave being around positivity, it's what I need to enjoy myself and be productive and happy.

    I'm willing to put in effort, just hoping some of the ideas people raise are at least worth attempting to see the impact. I know I can affect their mood but it takes a fair bit of effort and doesn't always work so I'm looking for more skills.

    Never know what results brainz-storming will produce.

    Rebe touched on one area that could be focused on, they can seem pretty self assured but often actually aren't.

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