HAve you met a person that looks like taking drugs but tells you that he is feeling up and down all the time, I mean really down like having extremely dark thoughts. Thinking things like wanting to kill himself or others, and u get a very bad feeling just being around him and u get the impression that he isnt really self-aware in the real world. When u speak to him he answers but u get the feeling that he isnt being honest, and maybe that he even is intending not to be a honest person. He seems sometimes healthy but sometimes angry, neurotic and stressed.
If you remember my last post I described what i was feeling and shit. Now Im describing how I think others view me.
Anyway Im feeling veeeeeeery shitty. I have my newphew sitting playing my videogame and I can feel even now that there is something really shitty in the air and in my head. I can't have a normal conversation with anybody without feeling very disconnected to reality or to my own feelings.
When I talk to people they seem to want to end the discussion quickly and when I dont talk to people they seem to be pissed of by me not being upfront with them and telling them straight what Im thinking and feeling. I kind of feel a bit pissed of by this I guess and dont understand their reaction. In my personal view I don't understand that they dont understand that I am trying to be a honest and upfront person but I guess in their view Im not being honest because I dont make common human expression... im more like a zombie.
If you've seen the movie 187 with Samuel Jacksson and remember at the end of the movie, where he seemed to have become apathetic after first being stabed in the back by his own students and then have to struggle in a new school with shitass unapreciative students, well that's me now.
Will the lifeforce come back....?