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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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  1. #1
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Default Jealousy: It shows you care

    YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:

    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    Psychological dealbreakers

    Someone who doesn't get jealous. It's just a sign that they care
    What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

    Does it show they truly care about you?

    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Jealousy doesn't seem healthy to me. Relationships that I've experienced with components of jealousy (either on my part or on the part of the other person) have always indicated underlying insecurities in the relationship rather than a healthy level of attachment.

    It could just be the relationships I tend to end up in though...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Nah, I agree with you, imo the healthiest relationships I've seen are based on trust and open honesty, if those two things are present then there's no need for jealousy. Jealousy in the initial stages of hooking up with someone is understandable due to the insecurity in where one stands, which is why I don't see it as healthy.

    I'm quite curious about why not being insecure and showing trust would be a sign that you don't care, unless people don't relate it to trust and insecurity.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Default

    i agree with that i think...it makes sense for it to be there a bit in the beginning.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Default

    Oddly enough, just had a very satisfying conversation a couple of days ago with my husband about this very topic. I made a conscious decision awhile back to purge jealousy from myself because 1) it doesn't feel good to me, and 2) it doesn't enhance our relationship in any way. We both feel that our relationship has deepened, part of that effect is that I'm just more relaxed and enjoying us more without the anxiety.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I don't think jealousy is a sign that you care. It is more a sign of insecurity in oneself or the relationship or a sign of control issues.

    I say this as someone who sometimes struggles with feelings of jealousy. It doesn't mean I care and it doesn't mean I don't care/distrust my partner. It means I have abandonment issues that I haven't completely overcome.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Totally agree, cafe. In my case I believe the jealousy comes in part from my own lack of confidence in my appearance. I'm pretty confident in other areas but we're bombarded with messages about how awesome hot ladies are, and part of me did expect my husband to be wistful about never getting to get it on with a hot lady. So a part of my "therapy" was learning to relax in the assurance that he does get to get it on with a hot lady, in his opinion.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  8. #8
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Interesting, and on the other side I don't automatically see the absence of jealousy as a positive thing, more that its presence is a sign of another underlying issue that isn't a positive thing.

  9. #9
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    For those who experience jealousy first hand in committed relationships, would you feel comfort or discomfort if your partner expressed the same level of jealousy?

  10. #10
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    For those who experience jealousy first hand in committed relationships, would you feel comfort or discomfort if your partner expressed the same level of jealousy?
    Honestly, probably both. I don't think I would like my integrity/loyalty being questioned. But I'll be upfront and say that it would be a little gratifying to have that emblem of being wanted/valued/dare I say a little possessed. I'm absolutely aware of how that sounds.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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