Jealousy: It shows you care

[Thalassa]

Some well worded explanations.

But I still think there are many more positive and effective affirmations than jealousy.

"Gee Hun I feel insecure around you"
"Oh good, that shows you love me"
"Actually my darling, It more than likely shows signs of co dependency and low self esteem, and nothing says I love you like some good old fashioned co dependency and self loathing"
"I agree, interdependency and confidence are overrated"
"I am so glad we had this talk, I am off to the bar now"
"Ok, have fun, but not too much fun, call me every hour so I can confirm you aren't off banging some wench, OH and speaking of wenches, If Mary is there, you come home right away, she is always dressing sexy and I bet she had a tit job. remember.. I love you"

Jealousy is more exciting than just being caring and supportive. You can be caring and supportive of your friend or your mom. A somewhat controlled jealousy streak, to me, implies a more sexual - and therefore more possessive - interest.

 

[runvardh]

The closest I've come to jealousy has really been frustration at someone trying to make me jealous. I'm glad I let that one go.

Edit: unless you guys are talking about the feeling where it seems like something may be wrong and my gut reaction is to talk or walk.

 

[mrcockburn]

Jealousy: It shows you scare

 

[Thessaly]

It doesn't have anything to do with love. Any more than domestic violence does.

I don't think we are in disagreement necessarily. However, I am apathetic today so I don't particularly care to go further with this.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Jealousy: It shows you scare

Yes

 

[FDG]

What's the deal? Of course, being jealous if someone else hits on your girlfriend / boyfriend and-or if she-he is flirty towards someone else is perfectly "normal" and "healthy". Calling her / him in the middle of the night to check out if he-she's cheating on you while maybe he-she is going through REM phase is obviously "excessive" and "unhealthy". It seems to be a matter of common sense.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I'm curious then.... what kind of emotion is an expression of selfless love?

 

[JocktheMotie]

I'm curious then.... what kind of emotion is an expression of selfless love?

Ask a doormat.

 

[Thalassa]

It doesn't have anything to do with love. Any more than domestic violence does.

That's a really ridiculously extreme comparison.

I think that people who don't get jealous at all might be a bit emotionally cool or afraid of commitment. I can't imagine what it's like to not get jealous at all, it implies to me a lack of passion, seriously.

I mean if you don't care at all if you lose your mate, then I can't fathom that you're very much in love with them...maybe just killing time by having a relationship, and that seems much more co-dependent to me than being a little jealous in love.

I've noticed a real trend in the past few decades that people think it's more "mature" or "healthy" to be a loner than to make any kind of sacrifices for a relationship or admit that you have human needs and emotions. I hope you guys understand that it's nothing more than a world view, and there's no proof that being that way is "healthier." To me it actually seems committment-phobic, and in it's extreme forms actually kind of immature, selfish, and isolationist.

 

[Salomé]

Jealousy: It shows you scare

Nice.

That's a really ridiculously extreme comparison.

I think that people who don't get jealous at all might be a bit emotionally cool or afraid of commitment. I can't imagine what it's like to not get jealous at all, it implies to me a lack of passion, seriously.

I mean if you don't care at all if you lose your mate, then I can't fathom that you're very much in love with them...maybe just killing time by having a relationship, and that seems much more co-dependent to me than being a little jealous in love.

All I said is it has nothing to do with love. Reading compression.

And it's not ridiculous. Domestic violence is often a result of jealousy.

 

[Thalassa]

Nice.

Yeah, god forbid your mate get jealous when you run off to South America for two weeks without telling him.

All I said is it has nothing to do with love. Reading compression.

And it's not ridiculous. Domestic violence is often a result of jealousy.

Domestic violence is often a result of childhood exposure to repeated violence, mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction, and/or personality disorder.

 

[Salomé]

Yeah, god forbid your mate get jealous when you run off to South America for two weeks without telling him.

Domestic violence is often a result of childhood exposure to repeated violence, mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction, and/or personality disorder.

Indirectly, maybe.

I evaluate the desirability of an emotion by its consequences. I've never known jealousy to lead to anything good. I'm not saying it's unnatural. But not everything that is natural is desirable.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I'm skeptical that love without jealousy even exists. Regardless of whether or not the element of jealousy is good or bad, I doubt it can be love at all if the jealousy is not there. How apathetic.

If true, it would happen that this would then give jealousy a secondary characteristic of being good, just because one would take it as an indication of love.

 

[Ivy]

Yes. Jealousy is preemptive grief.

When I read this I couldn't help but exclaim "yes!" out loud. What a good way to explain it. And I think this explanation also helps to demarcate the line between a little healthy/flirtatious jealousy and the unhealthy kind that actually disintegrates the bonds between two people.

 

[Thalassa]

I've read an entire, somewhat shocking thread written by the person you just said "nice" too...I find her standards for what or what should not make a person jealous almost sociopathically cold.

Not calling her names, but in my view, that kind of behavior is just as sick and twisted as getting too jealous.

 

[Charmed Justice]

There are many reasons why a person could become jealous, so I don't think you can say that it is always motivated by a love of self and has nothing to do with the other.

When would jealousy reflect a concern for someone else over the self?

 

[Magic Poriferan]

When would jealousy reflect a concern for someone else over the self?

When would any emotion?

 

[Salomé]

I'm skeptical that love without jealousy even exists. Regardless of whether or not the element of jealousy is good or bad, I doubt it can be love at all if the jealousy is not there. How apathetic.

Are you thinking only of romantic love? What about all the other kinds of love that exist? Is jealousy appropriate in every case? Is the absence of jealousy truly an indication of apathy then?

If true, it would happen that this would then give jealousy a secondary characteristic of being good, just because one would take it as an indication of love.

That's like saying pain is good because it's an indication that you're still alive. Maybe. But a pain-free existence >>> a painful one.

 

[mrcockburn]

I've read an entire, somewhat shocking thread written by the person you just said "nice" too...I find her standards for what or what should not make a person jealous almost sociopathically cold.

Not calling her names, but in my view, that kind of behavior is just as sick and twisted as getting too jealous.

"sociopathically cold"? I'm guessing you got stuck with my ex?

Seriously I'd rather not dredge up the issue (or thread), but I'm 20 and if I want to have fun, I've got a right. And so does the boyfriend. I'd even be fine with open relationships, if it weren't for my STD paranoia.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Are you thinking only of romantic love? What about all the other kinds of love that exist? Is jealousy appropriate in every case? Is the absence of jealousy truly an indication of apathy then?

Love is a word that has so many meanings that there is a high risk of equivocation. I'm pretty sure that the topic here is about so-called romantic love. Love for family is different, and in fact very different, and perhaps people only assume it is as related as they do because we happen to use the same word for it.

That's like saying pain is good because it's an indication that you're still alive. Maybe. But a pain-free existence >>> a painful one.

A pain-free existence is also impossible, so the analogy works in that way, too.