User Tag List

View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

Voters
28. You may not vote on this poll
  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
First 16242526

Results 251 to 253 of 253

  1. #251
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,589

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pixelholic View Post
    As someone who's not fan of jealousy I'll answer this.

    Jealousy in a spouse strikes me as a major lack of trust. If that trust is warranted (say I'm cheating and get caught or I have a history of cheating) then I don't see why you wouldn't just end the relationship. I wouldn't want to be with an inherently untrustworthy person. If it's unwarranted jealousy (i.e. I've been faithful and loyal in the relationship etc) then it just strikes me as the person's insecurities or their desire to have an unbalanced level of control in the relationship. I would break it off again. Either way jealousy to me seems like a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

    This doesn't mean I expect my significant other to just sit idly by and let me do whatever I want and for her to never get jealous. I'd rather her communicate whatever issues she might have so that we can work to move past them. Jealousy just makes things worse in my opinion.
    Everything you describe can be the way it plays out. You describe a dividing line between warranted and unwarranted jealousy. What makes this issue problematic to place into a binary set of conditions is that the line drawn in your mind between those two states is unique. Each person has a conceptual boundary in their mind between what jealousy would be warranted or not, but it is drawn differently. In a relationship you discover all the places it does not align with your partner's. There isn't a way to draw that line externally and applicable to all people.

    Cheating is not always an obvious intentional break of trust. Not only do people struggle to be honest with each other, they struggle to be honest with themselves. Relationships they convince themselves are innocent turn quickly to cheating under stress. Cheating never happens in a vacuum. There is a long progression in behaviors that at first are entirely justifiable and gradually less so. At what point is jealousy warranted? Parts of that process are can be free of ill-intent but based on moments of loneliness, separation, or other difficulties of life. It would be great if it were simple, binary, and always definable, but it isn't. And what if your partner encourages you to do something you consider cheating, or at least questionable in terms of boundary lines, but not only are they not jealous, they desire it? What are those emotional repercussions? To give an innocent, but common example, what if your partner pressures you to dress sexy so that guys gawk and hit on you? Does that lack of jealousy with all the trust it implies give a good feeling if you felt like that behavior suggested a breaking from intimacy?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  2. #252
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    571

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Everything you describe can be the way it plays out. You describe a dividing line between warranted and unwarranted jealousy. What makes this issue problematic to place into a binary set of conditions is that the line drawn in your mind between those two states is unique. Each person has a conceptual boundary in their mind between what jealousy would be warranted or not, but it is drawn differently. In a relationship you discover all the places it does not align with your partner's. There isn't a way to draw that line externally and applicable to all people.
    This is true, but my point was that I believe either side of the jealousy dichotomy I created (warranted or unwarranted) is problematic to a relationship. I understand making the dichotomy is reductive to the emotion as a whole, it is just a fairly easy way to broadly quantify jealousy for the sake of argument.

    Cheating is not always an obvious intentional break of trust. Not only do people struggle to be honest with each other, they struggle to be honest with themselves. Relationships they convince themselves are innocent turn quickly to cheating under stress. Cheating never happens in a vacuum. There is a long progression in behaviors that at first are entirely justifiable and gradually less so. At what point is jealousy warranted? Parts of that process are can be free of ill-intent but based on moments of loneliness, separation, or other difficulties of life. It would be great if it were simple, binary, and always definable, but it isn't. And what if your partner encourages you to do something you consider cheating, or at least questionable in terms of boundary lines, but not only are they not jealous, they desire it? What are those emotional repercussions? To give an innocent, but common example, what if your partner pressures you to dress sexy so that guys gawk and hit on you? Does that lack of jealousy with all the trust it implies give a good feeling if you felt like that behavior suggested a breaking from intimacy?
    I think this shows the need for communication in a relationship. If my significant other wanted me to act in a way that I feel is dishonest its my right and obligation to bring that up and discuss that with her. If this is going to be a contentious issue in our relationship and its something that's too big to just comply with then I'd end the relationship long before I got to a point where jealousy would enter into the equation. You're right that cheating in a relationship isn't something that exists by itself but feelings of jealousy that stem from the cheating also aren't going to help get to the core issues of the relationship.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

  3. #253
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by teslashock View Post
    At this point, how are we even defining jealousy?
    We're not, it's an individual thing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Maybe I read the thread title and still don't think it should be a binary question, especially because the style and level of jealousy is never defined.

    I mean, who would want to be with a spouse who is overtly jealous in ways that have destructive influence and create tendencies to control within the relationship?

    However, I do expect my spouse to care enough to feel like I am not being faithful if I start spending too much time elsewhere and not enough time with him. You could also call this "jealousy," but it's protective of the relationship, not destructive. Then again, we have those here who think no one should ever feel that way because they still see that as some form of control/negative energy.

    If taken as a binary and with the word vaguely defined, the poll seems sort of silly to me.
    I very purposely don't care about the definition, it can be whatever you take it to mean, however you see it playing out in a relationship. It's also not meant to be polarised, it asks what your general preference would be under the conditions you choose, meaning within the definitions of what you consider reasonable. That will change for everyone. Don't over think this, if a tinge of jealousy in a relationship is likely to disarm you in a bad way then vote against it, if no matter how positive or negative you think it is it's likely to give you a feeling of contentment that your partner "cares enough" to be jealous then vote for it. Quit over analysing INTPs!

    Btw, I get the impression that the correct answer for you is "for"

    I was repped that the poll may have more meaning with sx/sp/so options, I'm starting to think that may have been more relevant.


    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I think everyone would tend to agree that jealousy based on negative imagination (personal insecurity projecting false information onto another person's behavior) is not healthy.
    Absolutely.


    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I agree! I think there should be another poll about the definition of 'jealousy'
    INFJs too now? :steam:


    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Everything you describe can be the way it plays out. You describe a dividing line between warranted and unwarranted jealousy. What makes this issue problematic to place into a binary set of conditions is that the line drawn in your mind between those two states is unique. Each person has a conceptual boundary in their mind between what jealousy would be warranted or not, but it is drawn differently. In a relationship you discover all the places it does not align with your partner's. There isn't a way to draw that line externally and applicable to all people.
    And again, EXACTLY!

    This is why I do not care about finding a universal definition, jealousy in a relationship is not a universal thing. Most people will not have a strong for or against feeling because there can be many different circumstances where its display would cause a different reaction. It isn't black and white, the poll simply asks which would you be more comfortable with most of the time.

Similar Threads

  1. TV shows you're embarrassed to admit you watch!
    By Tigerlily in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 154
    Last Post: 05-21-2012, 06:07 PM
  2. [ESFJ] How do you show ESFJ's you care?
    By Wiley45 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 01-22-2010, 10:12 PM
  3. [INTP] How do you INTPs show that you care?
    By songofcalamity in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 57
    Last Post: 10-13-2009, 08:45 AM
  4. [NF] Do you care how others feel?
    By Alienclock in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 141
    Last Post: 09-03-2008, 11:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO