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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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  1. #221
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    The cattle owner is concerned about the welfare of the cattle.
    Prior to slaughter.
    OMG, lets share prose.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  2. #222
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?
    I think that depends on how it's expressed and dealt with. I'm personally of the opinions that generally speaking emotions are neither good or bad but rather it's how you express and deal with them that makes them good or bad.

    Jealousy, in this case, could go either way. Generally jealousy tends to be destructive but it could also serve as a motivating force for more timid individuals (read: me) to come out of our shells and put ourselves out there.

    If a woman I'm infatuated with begins receiving attention from various guys for various reasons, then rather than try and get possessive of her I instead try to worker harder to show myself as having similar or superior qualities than those other chumps

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?
    It could be. I'll admit, like others here, to having some abandonment issues and when I see guys that I know have qualities that are definitely superior to my own, I can't help but get really self-conscious about them. Still, I try to detach myself from such feelings and remind myself of the good qualities I have.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Does it show they truly care about you?
    Sure, though I think there are healthier ways of going about it. I will say that I find women who get a little jealous of me spending time with other women to be a little bit endearing as it demonstrates that they value my presence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?
    It can, but I also think that some behaviors can be misconstrued as jealously. For example (and I can't speak for all SJs) I have personal rules and conduct and etiquette when dealing with women who are currently engaged in a relationship of one sort or another (marriage, engaged, boyfriend) and one of those rules is not to be too flirty or overly-complimentary toward them as this is disrespectful toward the partner in the relationship.

    As such, while I may think it's cute at first, I tend to get annoyed with guys who flirt too much with the woman I happen to be with. It's just plain bad manners to me to do that and as such if it keeps going on, I'll admit that I'll start to display possessive behaviors toward her. This isn't because I don't trust her or have faith in the relationship, but rather it's because these jack-holes are disrespecting me and I need to get the message to them loud and clear and that she's with me and they need to stop.

    Of course, most of the women I tend to be attracted too seem to understand me enough to know why I'm acting this way and as such they'll turn the guys down and make it clear that they are with me. I have to confess, watching a woman shut down an entire group of guys and then turn right around and inform me in no-uncertain terms that she's spending the rest of the time with me...is a *massive* turn on for me

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    It depends again on how it's expressed.

    I find a little bit of it endearing, but unnecessary. I may have many faults but disloyalty and lack of devotion are not among them.

    If however she starts to get persistent or if it starts to worsen, then it will damage and eventually ruin the relationship. I do very much appreciate a woman who wants me all to herself, but I really wish she would understand that once she's won me over, then I'm hooked, and that she doesn't need to worry about anyone else
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #223
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    jealousy is a sign of weakness
    so is being in love! oh well!

  4. #224
    Senior Member Phoenix_400's Avatar
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    I've never understood the concept of jealousy. If you're in a commited relationship, what have you got to worry about? If somebody is making a pass at your SO, its their responsibility to stay true to the relationship and turn the person down. If they don't, the fault lies with the SO for not upholding your relationship. Now if they've turned somebody down and that person keeps pushing, then its time to step in. Its not a matter of jealousy at that point, its somebody disrespecting and harassing a loved one.

    I never got that about other guys. They always want to 'beat that guy's ass for hitting on my woman'. Dude, a guy is gonna be a guy, he sees an attractive woman, he's gonna make a try. And women'll do the same thing. If your SO cheats on you, I don't blame the person they cheated with, I blame the SO for not staying true to their commitment.

    As for people checking someone else out, catcalls, etc., I consider it a little flattering in a way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sometimes its nice to know that other people recognize the attractiveness of your SO. If the appreciation turns disrespectful though, I will defend my lady's honor.
    "People in glass houses shouldn't use Windex when living near bird sanctuaries."- myself

    "We are never alone my friend. We are constantly in the company of victories, losses, strengths and weaknesses. Make no mistake, life is war...and war is hell. Those who fight the hardest will suffer the most...but that's what you have to do: Fight. As long as you're feeling pain, then there's hope...because only the dead do not suffer." -RD Metcalf
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #225
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:



    What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

    Does it show they truly care about you?

    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

    I think indifference would bother me too, I've dealt with extremes of both infatuation and indifference with people I've been interested in and think that avoiding either is a great idea.

    I've dated someone who I'm convinced just picks up with me when they are on the rebound or treats me as a "sub" on a bench but I know with that individual I've got jealous and they've told me that my suspiscions are wrong and also a pain in the ass. Never thought to spin it that it as a sign I really cared.

    In short a reckon jealous, infatuation, relationship anxieties, they all suck, they are all really uncomfortable and if you invest too much in those feelings you'll be miserable and get "love sick" (its not just a poetic phrase) but by the same measure I'm not sure that any real, honest to God relationship should be a bed of roses and straight plain sailing.

  6. #226
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    so is being in love! oh well!
    Well.. It can also be a strength if you recognize your own weaknesses and know what kind of person can help you with them and find that type of person to love and who loves you and helps you grow out of your weaknesses.

  7. #227
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix_400 View Post
    I've never understood the concept of jealousy. If you're in a commited relationship, what have you got to worry about? If somebody is making a pass at your SO, its their responsibility to stay true to the relationship and turn the person down. If they don't, the fault lies with the SO for not upholding your relationship. Now if they've turned somebody down and that person keeps pushing, then its time to step in. Its not a matter of jealousy at that point, its somebody disrespecting and harassing a loved one.

    I never got that about other guys. They always want to 'beat that guy's ass for hitting on my woman'. Dude, a guy is gonna be a guy, he sees an attractive woman, he's gonna make a try. And women'll do the same thing. If your SO cheats on you, I don't blame the person they cheated with, I blame the SO for not staying true to their commitment.

    As for people checking someone else out, catcalls, etc., I consider it a little flattering in a way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sometimes its nice to know that other people recognize the attractiveness of your SO. If the appreciation turns disrespectful though, I will defend my lady's honor.
    Again, relationships are not algorithmic. You don't have to "understand" the "concept" of jealousy. It's much more primal, usually reasoning won't be able to curb it.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  8. #228
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    it shows that we're human, though to be human you don't necessarily have to BE jealous; i think it's just a common human emotion.

    Whether or not it shows you care about the other person, i'm not sure but i'm leaning towards "no"; i think moderate jealousy can be harmless, just not necessarily good. Extreme jealousy is pretty bad, in my opinion. i have never experienced jealousy that didn't stem from insecurity though, so ymmv.
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  9. #229
    Senior Member Phoenix_400's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Again, relationships are not algorithmic. You don't have to "understand" the "concept" of jealousy. It's much more primal, usually reasoning won't be able to curb it.
    I must be somewhat lacking in that primal instinct then. I've had the occasional pang of jealously before, but never to the degree that I felt the overwhelming need to act on it.
    "People in glass houses shouldn't use Windex when living near bird sanctuaries."- myself

    "We are never alone my friend. We are constantly in the company of victories, losses, strengths and weaknesses. Make no mistake, life is war...and war is hell. Those who fight the hardest will suffer the most...but that's what you have to do: Fight. As long as you're feeling pain, then there's hope...because only the dead do not suffer." -RD Metcalf
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #230
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix_400 View Post
    I must be somewhat lacking in that primal instinct then. I've had the occasional pang of jealously before, but never to the degree that I felt the overwhelming need to act on it.
    Yeah, I agree with this. It seems like a lot of people are quick to defend feeling jealous. It doesn't seem like a good emotion if you ask me. A healthier relationship would be one where jealousy never enters into the picture.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

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