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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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  1. #201
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:



    What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

    Does it show they truly care about you?

    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    Well, in my own case, I get jealous because of my own insecurities, (or if I have a reason to be.) I often assume jealousy in other people is the same thing, so would prefer someone who is not jealous. It shows trust when my partner is not jealous, and it also shows me that I have nothing to worry about. I feel that if they are not jealous, then they are secure with the relationship, and secure with themselves, and likely that they are also faithful to me because of these things. I like a reasonable amount of jealousy- if some guy is being overly flirtatious then I want my boyfriend to respond.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  2. #202
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    I'm not over experiencing jealousy. I don't think it is appropriate most of the time but there's no shame in admitting to experiencing a wide range of human emotions, including the "bad" ones. Only have experienced it rarely though.

    As long as it's identified and rationalized, I don't see it as a red flag for being a complete wreck and insecure. Unless you are actually going through their text messages and bags and whatnot.

  3. #203
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
    I think it's cute when a girl punches another girl in the face for flirting with first girl's man. that just turns me on so much.....maybe because I've always loved ghettos.
    A good reason to leave.

  4. #204
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:

    What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

    Does it show they truly care about you?

    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    I wouldn't say Jealousy is inherently positive or negative, but from my perception, it's usually a warning sign of mistrust.

    Jealousy makes me less likely to take my partner's word without suspicion, and one of the pinnacle aspects of any interpersonal connections is to show faith in the other person's judgment. I really don't want to ask them if they're going to remain faithful --- I prefer 'knowing' that my partner will choose the right decision when the time arrives. If they don't, I'm sure they'll find a way to fix the problem. And that, I can respect from anyone regardless of their "player" status.

    Otherwise, I would cut back in drastic measures, or ask him to be a friend first then a lover. I'm not comfortable with being intimate if I can't believe in my partner. I always feel that deep, deep intimacy should come after trust, not before it. (Open communication is a must.)

    The way I run relationships is completely different from how I run my work-related life. It's much more based on faith, and I find it very refreshing to experience life from another standpoint.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Does it show they truly care about you?
    Not exactly. It shows that they're more interested in what they feel, than how I might respond to their micro-managing behaviour. And vice-versa. This isn't how it may play out in other relationships, but it certainly does in mine.

    Now, telling me that they're afraid of loosing me, then asking for suggestions and brainstorming sessions, is something I'd appreciate more. Really, I'm open to negotiation and compromises, but I don't take kindly to people limiting my freedom without my consent.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    Yikes! Then we're being too intimate too fast.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  5. #205
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramis View Post
    Punch? Really? A good verbal smackdown has always been my cup of tea.

    good verbal smackdown???? You just don't know what love is.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #206
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    one of the pinnacle aspects of any interpersonal connections is to show faith in the other person's judgment. I really don't want to ask them if they're going to remain faithful --- I prefer 'knowing' that my partner will choose the right decision when the time arrives.
    The reality is that enormous numbers of men and women are unfaithful every day. But we like to think our partner will remain faithful to us, even as we are being unfaithful.

    It's a comedy and a tragedy that nature plays on us.

  7. #207
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    The reality is that enormous numbers of men and women are unfaithful every day. But we like to think our partner will remain faithful to us, even as we are being unfaithful.

    It's a comedy and a tragedy that nature plays on us.
    True, and so is the case in many other departments. People take the easy way out (which may not always be the right one) all the time. However, I'm more curious to know what the individual will do when they're faced with that temptation, and how they'll continue to act in subsequent scenarios. If they don't show any indication of change, then perhaps I'm not fit to be the ideal person for them at this time.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  8. #208
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    True, and so is the case in many other departments. People take the easy way out (which may not always be the right one) all the time. However, I'm more curious to know what the individual will do when they're faced with that temptation, and how they'll continue to act in subsequent scenarios. If they don't show any indication of change, then perhaps I'm not fit to be the ideal person for them at this time.
    So if I understand you, you are saying you are not like other people and you are faithful.

    And even more interesting, you are interested in policing the faithfulness of your partner.

    It seems to be an enormous paradox.

  9. #209
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    So if I understand you, you are saying you are not like other people and you are faithful.

    And even more interesting, you are interested in policing the faithfulness of your partner.

    It seems to be an enormous paradox.
    Ah, that's quite a different interpretation of my post. Policing anyone is my worst nightmare in relationships. This is why I like to build up trust through long-term friendships, and discuss the hardest topics early so I can keep it to a minimum. [[*By the way, if someone loves dating multiple people, then it's ok. It would be more reasonable for them to engage in open relationships, but the trust and open communication are still important factors. If this doesn't work, then we'll go for flings. There's no need to push people into something they're uncomfortable doing.]]

    So, to be more straight-forward, what a person does with their "negative" side is more valuable to me than how much of it they had in the first place. It's easy to be nice when you don't have to struggle between right or wrong. That's not what I'm looking for. How they respond when under (internal or external) pressure is telling of their character.

    I hold myself to the equivalent (though often higher) standards I have for a partner. If I am incapable of acting responsibly, then I'd have the urge to leave, or take a break from the relationship. No person should be forced to put up with my burden and baggage, if they choose not to. And honestly, it makes me feel insecure and incompetent knowing anyone is inclined to babysit me. I allow only the closest of close friends to do that. Even then, I can't help but apologize every two seconds.

    On the other hand, if you're looking for my own vices specifically, then sure, I have loads of them.

    -----------------

    [*PS: Let's continue this through visitor messages, shall we? Clogging up the thread with a side-topic does little to contribute to the OP's question. It may be interesting for us, but not for others.]
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  10. #210
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    It's 4am .. I'm sleep deprived at the mo and i am not sure if i have replied to this subject already .. Oh well.

    I do get jealous and usually it is my own insecurities. Strange thing is i don't have a problem with my man talking to some seriously hot woman on the street .. I have got jealous in the past with the internet and women .. You can share more and it's more intimate so emotions can be stirred.

    I'm only human.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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