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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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  1. #11
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    Jealousy shows you are insecure.

  2. #12
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Interesting, and on the other side I don't automatically see the absence of jealousy as a positive thing, more that its presence is a sign of another underlying issue that isn't a positive thing.
    I agree with this, and what else you wrote above, Trin.

    In general, I have always thought that jealousy = insecurity.

    There are always going to be quirks to such heuristics. For instance, if a guy who is a secure bloke ends up dating a chicky that makes it a point to openly flirt with and/or seek attention from other men often, in front of him, then maybe at some point he will get "irritated" or some other lesser form of jealousy, but then again maybe he should just dump her and be done with it all? Same goes for Sheilas, if they wind up dating a skirt chaser, why should they hang out for such disrespect?

    Maybe I'm just a simpleton, but I can't see jealousy as a part of any healthy relationship, but it is a human emotion, and thus must be recognized and dealt with whenever it manifests.

    Personally, I've never felt jealous in any romantic relationship I have ever been in. I just don't have it in me. Maybe it's outrageous self esteem, or perhaps just recognition of reality, that I have no control over who anybody dedicated their heart to, me or otherwise. Regardless, I am thankful for that emotional deficiency, as it's apparently saved me alot of time and heartache.
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  3. #13
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i've experienced a bit of mutual possessiveness it came from a sweet place tho.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    For those who experience jealousy first hand in committed relationships, would you feel comfort or discomfort if your partner expressed the same level of jealousy?
    Early on, I would have preferred that he expressed some jealousy. His complete lack of expressed jealousy made me feel like he didn't care.

    Now I appreciate his trust for me and recognize it for a sign that he not only cares, but thinks highly of me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Early on, I would have preferred that he expressed some jealousy. His complete lack of expressed jealousy made me feel like he didn't care.

    Now I appreciate his trust for me and recognize it for a sign that he not only cares, but thinks highly of me.
    Yes! I'm just going to let cafe speak for me from now on. She does it so much better than I do.
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  6. #16
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    Jealousy seems to me to be mostly about fear of losing something (or someone) one has, while envy seems to be more about wanting something that someone else has (or is experiencing).

    I don't see jealousy as ever being particularly positive, since it arises out of fear and insecurity. It can be a clue that someone is important to you (or that you are important to someone else), but I don't think it's good for it to be a relationship requirement. A lack of jealousy may just indicate trust—or, in Halla's case, a supreme self of self-worth.

  7. #17
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Yeah, I agree with the consensus thus far: Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity. If you're comfortable with yourself and you trust your partner, who is also comfortable with himself/herself, where's the need for jealousy?

    I tend to pick partners that share that attitude. A little jealousy may be cute, but a lot brings out my dark side.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  8. #18
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?
    In excess and for unwarranted reasons, it's a negative. If it is mild and toward things that can be considered threatening or too flirty, positive.
    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?
    It certainly can be, especially if it is in excess and irrational. I can be irrationally jealous at times, but usually because people have made me rationally jealous in the past.
    Does it show they truly care about you?
    It can, but again that depends. I find it cute if a significant other exerts a bit of jealousy.
    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?
    If they persist in disbelieving any reassurance, then yes. I think it is a normal fear in this day and age, but people don't like to acknowledge that it is highly possible.
    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    Varies.
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  9. #19
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    Nice! I think the part that I'm curious about is coming to light.

    People mostly recognise and accept that jealousy is a negative emotion that is suggestive of issues that should be overcome, and yet at the same time there can be a desire, no matter how small, that their partner displays some signs of jealousy.

    But why is that? Is it about them showing how much they need you, showing you have some control/power over them, that they want to have a sense of ownership over you, what?

  10. #20
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i can't stand jealousy that's in the form of distrust but i understand feeling a bit possessive...like not wanting someone to be too close or flirty with you. not because i'm insecure or worried about it but because...um...i'm the only one who get's to be like that with him...like that...if that makes sense.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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