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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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  1. #181
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    But just look around you here and butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

    And if they will lie about the father of their children, why wouldn't they lie about MBTI.

    In fact MBTI facilitates lying because it induces a light hypnosis in the victim where the critical mind is asleep and so will accept whatever lie is told.

    And whenever you try to wake them up, they experience this as a personal attack and so attack you personally in kind. It's the perfect Catch 22.
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  2. #182
    Glycerine
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    Interestingly enough, several species of pair-bonded birds show signs of jealousy because there's cheating going on. Up to 40% of the offspring may not match the paternal DNA of of the nest father in certain bird species.

    This is from an anthropological standpoint. I don't know if I believe it though. Supposedly "jealousy" evolved as a defense from one getting cuckolded based on the fact that humans are pair-bonded (monogamous) with opportunistic cheating. If one doesn't show at least a little jealousy about their significant other crossing boundaries, then that means your fitness (lifetime measure of genome replication success relative to same sex conspecifics) might go down while the competitor's fitness may go up. In that sense, I guess jealousy " shows you care".

    Extreme jealousy is the "If I can't have you.... no one can" mentality. It might have evolved as way to take out a potential advantage that others may have over you. That said, men are much more likely to murder their SO out of jealousy than women are. This is based on academic literature I read.

    A couple authors of this stance are I think David M. Buss; Daly and Wilson. Pretty much I had to look up academic literature on "male sexual jealousy" for a research paper. It was creepy stuff.

  3. #183
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    ..."jealousy" evolved as a defense from one getting cuckolded...
    And if you are cuckolded, there is a cuckoo in the nest.

    And so the mother is very careful to say that the cuckoo looks just like the cuckold. And hypnosis and suggestion being what it is, the cuckold is likely to believe it.

    But today all the cuckold needs is a hair of the cuckoo to have his paternity tested.

    The cuckold can wake up from his hypnotic trance with one cheap, easy empirical test.

    And so the cuckold can wake from his trance of jealousy.

  4. #184
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trinity
    What Morgan said about it being form of premature grief is exactly how it makes sense to me.
    I had missed her comment, but I think that's what I meant from my end too, when I said "fear of loss." It's basically forseeing the inevitable loss and feeling a need to prevent it or guard against it.

    IOW, jealousy is not even really about the other person, it's about how you'll feel without the other person.

    I wonder, though, if there could be a discusson of jealousy NOT tied to loss per se.

    For example, what if it's tied to anger? Let's say you take your marriage seriously, and the other person has made you a vow in regard to the marriage. You invest yourself completely in the marriage and don't veer. But your spouse begins to invest in personal projects, or work, and takes time away from you to do so to the point where you feel like they have broken their promise to you. (Or perhaps you find out they have been dallying with someone else behind your back.)

    Jealousy is a likely result.

    And while some of the emotion might be about the "fear of impending loss," some of it also might be feeling legitimately violated and that your partner has broken your faith... they made you a promise, and they are not taking responsibility to maintain that promise at your expense. So now it is involved with ideals and promises and trust, not just with loss. Is jealousy part of that?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  5. #185
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Did anyone see the definitions of jealous I posted?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  6. #186
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Did anyone see the definitions of jealous I posted?
    Indeed sir kitteh, the reason I have not commented on that is in the context of my curiosity that sparked this thread I don't really care about the definition one uses unless it's completely off the mark, any of the definitions you posted are valid for discussion. The main thing I'm noticing in fact, is that different people view jealousy in different ways. As an emotion I don't think people have much difficulty knowing when they experience it, it's what that says to them that I want to know about.

  7. #187
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    So I'm just not in touch with what's going on in the thread... OK.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  8. #188
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    and ANY man who looks through my cell phone or checks my e-mails is going to get dumped immediatly... I don't do ANYTHING for warrenting such suspicious behavior
    I spent years with a person who found that type of behavior to be an exceptable expression of what they then understood to be love, and the bottom line was, we had incompatible ideas of love. I saw his actions as a violation of my privacy, a betrayal of what I thought to be a mutual trust that we had, and he believed that they were simply a reflection of how much he cared. His suspicions got worse with time and were incredibly taxing and stifling to our relationship. I'd steer completely clear of anyone who rationalized compulsive and unwarrented suspicions, women included.

    I had a female friend who would call me multiple times a day and demand me to come see her. She'd guilt trip me if I couldn't or didn't want to come to her house, and get particularly upset if she called and I was with someone else. We'd only known each other about two months, but I had to let her go.

    I experience romantic and platonic love through acts of trust, compassion, affection, sharing, respect, and open communication. Justifying personal weaknesses and framing them in the positive impedes positive growth. It's impossible to give or receive love when the walls of defense are up.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  9. #189
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    So I'm just not in touch with what's going on in the thread... OK.
    Not what I'm saying, I hadn't explained my pov before and other people have raised issues with definitions, just saying it's not my personal focus. Doesn't mean it's not relevant. (just explaining why I hadn't responded to your post, as you asked if it was noticed )

  10. #190
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

    Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

    Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

    Does it show they truly care about you?

    Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

    What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
    I am kind of late to this thread, and I've not read most of it, so pardon me if this has already been mentioned...

    Evolutionary psychologists theorize that jealousy is a result of our biological urge to reproduce and raise viable offspring:

    Men more commonly feel sexual jealousy because the more men with whom a woman has sexual relations, the less likely a particular men in that set is to conceive a child with her. Thus more men in the equation is a threat to one man's reproductive success.

    Women more commonly feel emotional jealousy because humans are more biologically successful when offspring are cared for by 2 parents, rather than one. A man's emotional intimacy with another woman shows that he may be interested in being another woman's partner, and in [potential] mother's eyes, this is a threat to the parental partnership that is necessary to optimize offspring viability.

    Therefore, considering that love is a complex, psychological manifestation of our more simple [conscious or unconscious] biological urge to reproduce, I'd say that jealousy is embedded within the concept of love.

    There is a difference between jealousy and paranoia, however. Paranoia is an unfounded apprehension, some times to the point of delusion, that fuels jealousy. Paranoia is not healthy and shows signs of emotional insecurity and/or unstable relationship conditions (lack of trust, limited communication, etc.). Jealousy, however, is healthy, as it shows that relationships are on the path towards love.

    In my current relationship, paranoia-fueled jealousy is basically inexistent. If boyfriend is with another woman, talking to her, hanging out with her, etc., then I'm very unlikely to extrapolate from that behavior that he will also want to be intimate with her; I'd see this as unreasonably fearful on my part. However, if boyfriend is intimately cuddling on the couch with another woman while watching a movie, then I'd see a threat to my position as his partner, and jealousy would kick in.

    Finding a threat in completely platonic situations that show no sign of intimacy is a form of paranoia-fueled jealousy. Finding a threat where there are explicit signs of intimacy is a reasonable spot for jealousy to kick in. The latter will most likely be felt when the desire to have a prolonged relationship with someone is in the equation.

    For me, jealousy does not become a possibility until I develop intimate feelings towards someone; friends-with-benefits situations are sans jealousy. I take jealousy as a sign that I am actually starting to develop tender feelings for a friend.

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