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View Poll Results: When I see jealousy in my partner, it is generally a...

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  • xNTP: positive thing/something I can appreciate/like when displayed/sign of commitment

    4 14.29%
  • xNTP: negative thing/something I don't appreciate/dislike when displayed/sign of problems

    7 25.00%
  • xNTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xNTJ: negative thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xNFP: positive thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xNFP: negative thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: positive thing...

    4 14.29%
  • xNFJ: negative thing...

    3 10.71%
  • xSTP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTP: negative thing...

    2 7.14%
  • xSFP: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFP: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: positive thing...

    0 0%
  • xSTJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
  • xSFJ: positive thing...

    1 3.57%
  • xSFJ: negative thing...

    0 0%
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Results 151 to 160 of 253

  1. #151
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I'm guessing YLJ doesn't feel he can be sure that the other person is so trusting of him as to have no jealous reaction, as admittedly it would appear indistinguishable from someone just not paying attention or caring. So I think he needs someone to react with jealousy to know that person cares, not just take it on faith.
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  2. #152
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    I'm guessing YLJ doesn't feel he can be sure that the other person is so trusting of him as to have no jealous reaction, as admittedly it would appear indistinguishable from someone just not paying attention or caring. So I think he needs someone to react with jealousy to know that person cares, not just take it on faith.
    I don't know, but overtly jealous reactions indicate that the person doesn't trust me, which hurts if I haven't given them a reason to feel so... TO ME, anyways

    like I said, there's a definite difference between showing that you care, which can be done by acts of appreciation and paying attention to your SO while out and about, and acting overtly jealous
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #153
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    Bingo. Love is an extreme, for one to exist there must be more.
    Hate, love, passion, jealousy.
    I've always found that people who seem incapable of jealousy don't have much of a depth or passion in their feelings.
    That's quite ordinary, so it's probably just a temperament of sorts.
    There are also these quotes....

    "Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love."
    "Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved"

    Andreas Capellanus: The Art of Courtly Love

    and, I agree with you.

    If the person I loved were to have a jealous reaction, whether I was guilty of it or not, I would never get upset, instead I would recognize the value in it and gladly do whatever they needed me to do.

  4. #154
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    From Dictionary.com
    jeal·ous
       /ˈdʒɛləs/ Show Spelled[jel-uhs] Show IPA
    –adjective

    1.
    feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.

    2.
    feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

    3.
    characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

    4.
    inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

    5.
    solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.

    6.
    Bible . intolerant of unfaithfulness or rivalry: The Lord is a jealous god.
    Ok, I have a feeling we are taking definitions 3, 4, and 5 and mixing them all up. I have had mild cases of all three at various points in time, but they were either welcome (in the case of 5) or I exited the situation soon after (in the cases of 3 and 4). They are temporary states that come from excessive situations, situations quickly dealt with and moved along from.

    So whom does this offend?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  5. #155
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    There are also these quotes....

    "Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love."
    "Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved"

    Andreas Capellanus: The Art of Courtly Love

    and, I agree with you.

    If the person I loved were to have a jealous reaction, whether I was guilty of it or not, I would never get upset, instead I would recognize the value in it and gladly do whatever they needed me to do.
    I disagree with that... to me one of the most important things in a relationship is mutual trust... if I don't trust my SO enough that I NEED to feel controlling and jealous of them I shouldn't be with them, and the same applies vice versa. I value loyalty highly, and being suspected of being disloyal by someone I love is a slap in the face... I don't want to be with them if they can't trust me- because that means that it won't work.

    Affection is important, show me that you value me, just don't control me and distrust me, or the relationship has proven that it's on the rocks in your mind, so what's the point?

    It's fine if you text me while I'm out on occasion to check on me, or if you give the man who's creeping on me in the bar an evil look while kissing my cheek... that shows that you DO value me (especially scaring off creeps... it's hard to get rid of creepers!)... acting all psycho when I'm talking to another guy, always having to know what I'm doing, who I'm with and sending friends out to check on what I'm up to is NOT cool... that shows that you care more about owning me than you care about me

    and ANY man who looks through my cell phone or checks my e-mails is going to get dumped immediatly... I don't do ANYTHING for warrenting such suspicious behavior
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #156
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I disagree with that... to me one of the most important things in a relationship is mutual trust... if I don't trust my SO enough that I NEED to feel controlling and jealous of them I shouldn't be with them, and the same applies vice versa. I value loyalty highly, and being suspected of being disloyal by someone I love is a slap in the face... I don't want to be with them if they can't trust me- because that means that it won't work.

    Affection is important, show me that you value me, just don't control me and distrust me, or the relationship has proven that it's on the rocks in your mind, so what's the point?

    It's fine if you text me while I'm out on occasion to check on me, or if you give the man who's creeping on me in the bar an evil look while kissing my cheek... that shows that you DO value me (especially scaring off creeps... it's hard to get rid of creepers!)... acting all psycho when I'm talking to another guy, always having to know what I'm doing, who I'm with and sending friends out to check on what I'm up to is NOT cool... that shows that you care more about owning me than you care about me

    and ANY man who looks through my cell phone or checks my e-mails is going to get dumped immediatly... I don't do ANYTHING for warrenting such suspicious behavior
    There there, SP.

    Everyone is different. On this, you take a defensive stance and I take an offensive stance. We both seek the same result, however, which is mutual comfort and trust.

    IMO, genuine comfort and trust takes time to build. Usually when someone suspects or accuses, they do so because they don't know you well enough yet and a rare learning opportunity will arise then. That would be the time to give your love lessons.

  7. #157
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    and ANY man who looks through my cell phone or checks my e-mails is going to get dumped immediatly... I don't do ANYTHING for warrenting such suspicious behavior
    This happened to me once. I nearly flipped my lid. I'm not sure why I -didn't- end it right then and there, when 9 times out of 10 I would have Although it didn't last much longer after that.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  8. #158
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I don't react much outwardly on what I feel when it comes to it. Closest I get is wanting to talk, leaving, or stopping the fist that's about to hit my SO.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  9. #159
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    There there, SP.

    Everyone is different. On this, you take a defensive stance and I take an offensive stance. We both seek the same result, however, which is mutual comfort and trust.

    IMO, genuine comfort and trust takes time to build. Usually when someone suspects or accuses, they do so because they don't know you well enough yet and a rare learning opportunity will arise then. That would be the time to give your love lessons.
    I've dated some real control freaks in the past who wouldn't trust me no matter how loyal I was... I HATED that, I felt like I was constantly under surveylance and the most innocent actions on my part were under severe paranoid scrutiny... I've always been the type to trust people until they prove themselves untrustworthy

    my ISTJ calls himself a controlling asshole, but if he is he's severely lowkey about it He's had a past of being cheated on and being neglected and abandoned as a child and I understand that and I do the same things I've always done to put people at ease on that front... I check in with him when I'm out, I SHOW him that I care about him both in private and while out (in a non dramatic way while out because being overly mushy would embarass him) and I've chatted with other guys in his presence so that he trusts the fact that I'm just talking to them... nothing more, no matter who I'm talking to and where I'm talking to them, in his presence or not... he knows that I adore him and wouldn't do anything to hurt him, so he lets me be me... and in the end that's what I want... the freedom to be myself

    I'm the innocent until proven guilty type I guess
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #160
    Senior Member Moonstone3's Avatar
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    I'm gonna have to agree with Whatever here. Jealousy is bad. I've been in relationships were I was jealous, myself. And also, some that I felt no need whatsoever. The jealousy had to do with that particular person's inadequacies as a faithful mate, or the previous person bursting my self esteem bubble. I knew it was something I had to change, within me. The 'free of suspicion' relationships felt awesome. And I noticed, I felt great at that time, too. About life, about me. It's better to have looser ties, the jealousy is wound too tight in a person and it consumes them. However, some types do need this in their life, so they should be with like minded people. Too me, it's a waste of life.
    What is normal to one, is incomprehensible to another.

    ALL anger in this world stems from a lack of control.


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