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  1. #31
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    ;__; stfu, you're so insensitive. I honestly don't know. You're just blunt, but it's in a normal fashion.
    Seriously, I did not have a clue that this is uncomfortable to some people.
    (that is exactly why I asked actually)

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Within View Post
    [snip]
    What's the problem? Added stamina.

  3. #33
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Small talk is as interesting as the people engaging in it want to make it. There's no use complaining about it being boring if you're too busy confining yourself to imaginary rules about what you're allowed to say, to actually say anything interesting.

    Personally, I just say "hi", the other person says "hi" and something else, or they don't so I pick something obvious to say, they reply, then I reply with whatever first comes into my head. Cos I'm a freak, that's usually something at least unexpected, which lends it an air of interestingness even if it isn't really that interesting. So they respond to that, and I continue to respond to them with whatever's my honest first thought. It doesn't even occur to me to wonder what the "rules" are, I couldn't give a shit. My only rule is "try to be tactful if you can, if you fail, apologise and move on".

    Works for me
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
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  4. #34
    Member thirtiesgirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Seriously, I did not have a clue that this is uncomfortable to some people.
    (that is exactly why I asked actually)
    Sometimes what you see as regular conversation, others see as intrusive, blunt and/or they don't know how to respond to it. I have a few symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome which can sometimes result in me saying things in a straightforward way, without understanding that other people hear it as bluntness or interpret what I said as me being overbearing or inflexible. That's not my intention at all, but it apparently comes off that way to others. What I've learned to do is watch for is their facial expression. If I notice that their facial expression seems kind of horrified or they're looking uncomfortably awkward while I'm saying something, I'll try to back off. I can't always stop myself (once I get going, I'm all in, as they say), and I don't always pick up on their facial expressions, but I'm trying and getting better the more I practice it.

    Quote Originally Posted by yourfriendjaneen View Post
    Anyway we went for a hike almost died....ended up rock climbing up a freakin canyon ridge (on accident) 800 feet up. Fucking crazy shit....it scared the moody awkwardness out of me lol.
    Heh. Nothing like a near-death experience to shake you out of your anti-social mood. ...But, on a serious note, I can totally identify with what you're saying. When I'm in an anti-social mood (which is often), I just don't want to be around others and it's a bad idea to put myself in that situation. I'll get snappish and angry; I don't like myself and others don't usually like me when I'm in that state of mind either. Which is why I try to keep to myself when I can tell I'm feeling more anti-social and misanthropic of an afternoon.

    Regarding the small talk issue... Ugh. I always feel so awkward doing it and I'm sure I'm terrible at it. I hate the whole social construct of saying "good morning" or "good bye" to people at work, asking how their weekend was, etc. After years of working retail in college, and then as a receptionist for a very small, podunk little newspaper in a small little office where hardly anybody said "good morning," when I got my first 'serious' job as a legal secretary for a large law firm, I had to learn how to do the "good morning," "how was your weekend" small talk on the fly. I was seen as 'weird' and anti-social if I didn't, or if I didn't respond with more than just an awkward smile when someone else said "good morning" to me. With practice, I got a little better at it, but I still hated doing it.

    When I started working in education in 2000, I kind of got out of the habit of small talk again. Some teachers can be pretty anti-social with their co-workers, being rather socially awkward people themselves, so I wasn't being accosted on a daily basis with a chorus of "good mornings" when I went to work. That's not exactly true of the office staff, though. Some of the ladies who work in the main office or are special ed aides in some of the classrooms can get absolutely offended if you don't say good morning to them, never stopping to consider that we might have other things on our minds besides making small talk with them.

    But, I have to admit, I can see their point of view. In my years working in education, I've had a couple of office staff and one special ed aide approach me privately and tell me how hurt they felt because I didn't say good morning to them, like I was personally ignoring them. Of course that wasn't the case; I just had other things on my mind, had no intention to offend... plus, I just find the whole construct rather awkward and pointless. But to them, it's *very* important, and they don't want to feel ignored. So I had to acknowledge their feelings and work on getting better at my social skills and saying good morning to them, even though it's not a natural thing for me. I still feel hugely awkward doing it, but at least it keeps them happy.
    I wasn't born of a whistle or milked from a thistle at twilight.
    No, I was all horns and thorns, sprung out fully formed, knock-kneed and upright.
    -Joanna Newsom

  5. #35
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    For me, the term "Awkward social situation" is redundant. So that should give you a good idea.



  6. #36
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    I can meet people one on one much better than in groups... and if I know one person but not the rest, it's even worse. Lengthy socialising with people I don't know at all leads to me finding a book.

    So that is a type of passive awkwardness, whilst a more active one might be how I point things out or ask questions that are not supposed to be brought up.

  7. #37
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoom View Post
    Lengthy socialising with people I don't know at all leads to me finding a book.
    I hope you don't mean WHILE you're supposed to be socialising? I ask because I remember one major cause of unending friction subsequent to one particular dinner party in my past, was when one of the guests decided to take themselves away from the table and go read a book in the lounge, away from everyone else.

    Everyone else was like "FFS, make an EFFORT!" You know, like the host had gone to untold amounts of trouble to put on a good spread and choose people to invite who had things in common and could get along together. Everyone else was making an effort to get to know one another, and this one person just decided they couldn't be bothered and went and read a book. Everyone else, especially the host, was totally offended and pissed off with them.

    In the end though, they lost out, because in the time they spent reading, everyone else had got past the awkward stage and found that yes, they did have much in common and liked each other. Also once the wine had been flowing for a bit... everyone was having a lot of fun, but this book-reader ended up left out of it all of their own volition (which didn't stop them bitching about it later, how we supposedly 'ignored' them!!).

    Incidentally, that person wasn't an introvert, but an ENFJ!
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  8. #38
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    I believe the awkward-ness stems from the people themselves. If I wish a situation to be awkward I can do it and if I feel open enough to speak to others the conversation flows. I just end up asking a lot of questions about them. I hate talking about myself, so I enjoy those who talk about themselves (this is when I'm feeling social though). Me personally... I usually scream something offensive and then we have a conversation. Weirdly enough no one (I haven't found one yet, well I've only found one) finds what I say offensive, I'm good at giving a quick ---->. They decide "He couldn't have been serious!" and laugh.

  9. #39
    Member Flutterby's Avatar
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    About small talk... why is it that people who enjoy small talk always expect people who don't enjoy it to participate in it? Seriously, it bugs me, I don't like it! I mean sure, if someone is really lovely I will put up with it, and I do give greetings and am happy to talk at length to people I know who share an interest, but I actively dislike small talk.

    I don't really spend time with people who want to small talk unless I'm at work or something though, so that helps.

  10. #40
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    I hope you don't mean WHILE you're supposed to be socialising?...
    Indeed! If there is a four hour piece of group (not one on one) socialising I'm in the midst of, I get tired. Honestly. It's not a matter of whether or not I want to be there - and if I am there, socialising, of course I make an effort. But a break is necessary, and I am neither an ENFJ nor the person ye speaking of. I also don't whine of others not paying attention to me after the fact.

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