Stupid personal problems

[Queen Kat]

Okay, since I heared I passed my final exams I have some problems. Even though my life is much better now I feel ten times worse. My life in high school was hell on earth and now I'm out of that horrible place my life is okay, but I still feel extremely lost. As I can't get any help for my problems (most psychologists and psychiatrists don't take anyone seriously) I just put down all of my problems in this thread so that someone might read these things and tell me what's wrong with me and what I can do about it.

• Im usually always in the mood for fun stuff, but not anymore. I don't feel like having any fun lately.
• I have a hard time being proud of myself and being happy when I accomplished something.
• I need more sleep than usual.
• On the other hand I must say I have absurdly happy moments too, but I don't know where these moods come from.
• Even when I'm feeling bad, people seem to think I'm happy. Maybe it's the fact that they can't really notice how other people feel, but I think it's me,
• But when I have an outburst, people get mad at me and ask me why I think my life is so hard (I don't think so at all, I'm just crazy and I don't want anthing).
• I need more hugs tan usual.
• People tell me I'm being very flegmatic lately, but I feel much more than usual.
• I forget more things. Just a few days ago I forgot about a party I was really looking forward too.
• I have nightmares. Usually about creepy children, diseases, scary dark forests, murder, me doing stupid things and pop culture villains.
• I do things I don't want to do, without any reason, probably just to please my family.
• I shamelessly say stupid things.
• I feel like smashing things all the time.
• I'm feeling alone and misunderstood all the time.
• I'm feeling lost, like my life is heading nowhere and my high school problems will follow me for the rest of my life (thanks to Facebook and things like that.

Is this some graduation depression? I've read about that, but most people with graduation depression feel very nostalgic, while I feel overwhelmed by the bad things that happened. Am I crazy now?

 

[Snuggletron]

sounds like depression. Are you lost about what you will do in the future?

 

[King sns]

No, you're not crazy.. Sounds like you may be a little listless about what to do next. Graduation is a really confusing time for a lot of people. You've been living the school life for the last 12 years and your mind is probably just absorbing it all, and you're trying to figure out what's next.

 

[Queen Kat]

sounds like depression. Are you lost about what you will do in the future?

I'm not really lostabout that. It's just that the things I want in my future are unacceptable to the people around me (moving to Sweden and live in a house by the sea or a lake, write and raise children when I'm n my mid-twenties). I'm trying to figure out how I can do what I want to do and still be acceptable. That's pretty much of a struggle, as the people I know want me to do completely different things with my life (living in a boring Dutch "Vinex-wijk", getting a 9 to 5 job, marrying and getting kids in my late thirties). To me, it's a huge difference. I'm not able to fulfil a 9 to 5 job, I'm not able to live much longer in a boring, new neighbourhood without any nature around and I feel the need to have a nice family too much to wait another twenty years (no, my family isn't good enough).
About depressions: I was depressed between 2005 and 2007 and that was different. If a certain person wasn't around back then, I would have been dead.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

No, you're not crazy.. Sounds like you may be a little listless about what to do next. Graduation is a really confusing time for a lot of people. You've been living the school life for the last 12 years and your mind is probably just absorbing it all, and you're trying to figure out what's next.

I agree with this.

I remember when I graduated, I had a bittersweet sort of realization. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I was happy to be done with high school but at the same time I wasn't.

I didn't really like high school that much but it was something I was used to.

EDIT: As far as being acceptable...WHAT? You will find that it's pretty hard to make yourself happy and make the people around you happy. You don't have any responsibility to anyone but yourself.

 

[Amethyst]

PROOOOZAC!

Just kidding.
You're not crazy. You're changing, and people deal with change differently. I honestly don't think it's depression... more like temporary melancholy.
Little things might help, like not going on Facebook.
I find that site to be incredibly depressing sometimes.
As for me graduating, I didn't really think back on it...I have the opposite problem where I want to burn a bridge as fast as possible and pretend the past never happened, and that's what I did with graduating.

You can PM me more stuff if you want, since the stuff you wrote isn't really helping me understand your situation any more than 'it's just a phase'.

 

[INTP]

Maybe you just have hard time adjusting to life after school? This doesent sound like depression imo. Just try to move on and let go of the past. And by moving on i mean not comparing yourself on the past etc.

The problems you have been ranting about elsewhere also i think is strongly related to your father and his tendency to try to control everything. Have you tried seriously talking to him about how this is effecting you and making you feel miserable? And done it by explaining how this method of his may work with some people, but its only doing you harm? Does he know about mbti? If not maybe try explaining some of the basics to him and explaining how this is effecting you with mbti terms. But the most important thing with this is to make him understand that his methods work with many people, but not with your type or he will certainly refuse to understand that his methods arent working and he will just be more hard on you.

And stop thinking that your problems are stupid, emotions are totally relative and you cant say that what you feel is stupid because someone else would feel differently on same situation.

 

[ThatGirl]

Sounds to me like you are feeling trapped/frustrated. One of the things about high school is that you know it will end someday, and that in itself is a goal to keep you focused.

Then one day you graduate.....and nothing really changes. You are hit with real world possibilities and things like that. A lot of people can take a stance that if it is not broken don't fix it. Don't try new things, learn or explore. We grow up being taught that the bluebird of happiness is in our own back yard and that those who have strayed have always returned to their root ideals.

First of all, don't expect anything major to happen over night. If your goals are unacceptable, assign them a logical plan with logical reasons to carry them out. Work toward them and enjoy them when you get there.

Don't EVER let someone tell you what your life should be. At the end of the day, they are not there with you. They aren't living from your perception, or dealing with things that you do. Everyone has an opinion. Most of them are based off of what works/ed for them.

Find a plan to get excited about and work toward it.

The spark will come back.



*Disclaimer: that is just my opinion, I only read half the OP and a sentence here and there.

 

[Flutterby]

I'm not sure exactly what's happening or what you should do about long term.

Short term, I do have a suggestion: Try and get a working visa to go where you want to go, or if you can't do that take a holiday or try to get work in an area far from home. It can just be a holiday job at first or something more permanent, but at least it will get you out of a rut and into something new.

 

[Ginkgo]

Sounds like adulthood... DUN DUN DUN.

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm not really lostabout that. It's just that the things I want in my future are unacceptable to the people around me (moving to Sweden and live in a house by the sea or a lake, write and raise children when I'm n my mid-twenties). I'm trying to figure out how I can do what I want to do and still be acceptable. That's pretty much of a struggle, as the people I know want me to do completely different things with my life (living in a boring Dutch "Vinex-wijk", getting a 9 to 5 job, marrying and getting kids in my late thirties). To me, it's a huge difference. I'm not able to fulfil a 9 to 5 job, I'm not able to live much longer in a boring, new neighbourhood without any nature around and I feel the need to have a nice family too much to wait another twenty years (no, my family isn't good enough).
About depressions: I was depressed between 2005 and 2007 and that was different. If a certain person wasn't around back then, I would have been dead.

You absolutely definately need to go travelling, go and see the world, find yourself, and have some fun,
think about the big stuff when you get back, it may be easier.

 

[Tamske]

Is this some graduation depression? I've read about that, but most people with graduation depression feel very nostalgic, while I feel overwhelmed by the bad things that happened. Am I crazy now?

I can relate to this very much. Whenever something stressful (like exams) stand in my way to something fun (like holiday) I will pull myself through the stressful period, always imagining how fun it will be once it's over. But then when it's over, it turns out you've burnt all your oil and you haven't got the energy to do the fun things any more. I can be really frustrated about this, especially the first days of holiday. Instead of doing all the fun things I've dreamt about, I'm wasting the time procrastinating! And if there is one thing in the world Perceivers shouldn't procrastinate on, it's on having fun!!

You need:
1) to accept you need to "waste" some of your free time on resting. Don't try to do all those fun things on the first day. You'll stay tired and not interested in it. Plan for a day or two of REST and try not to be frustrated. See it as a part of the duty before you can have your holiday.
2) a new goal. What do you want to do now? What do you really want to have accomplished by the end of the holiday? Having made a trip to Yellowstone (I'm going to do that in a few weeks, yay!!) ? Having written a book (that's my goal for this summer)? Having spent time with some friends? Gone to a particular festival?
You don't want to end the holiday and realize you've missed out on the fun things.
3) If you're anything like me, probably you have lots of fun ideas when you can't realize them and none when you can. Write them down. I've got - really! - a to-do list of fun things. I don't care if I miss out of them, but I'll look at them when I'm bored. Use the J's strategems, not for work (that's for the real Js) but for play.

 

[Queen Kat]

I've read all of our replies, and there are certain things I'd like to say about that:

Lots of you were talking about having a plan for what to do next. I do have a plan, but once I start working on it, I see many obstacles that keep me from finishing it. For example: I planned that I'd finish a book I've been working on on the 10th of July, so I can send it to this sort of agency where they read it for you and tell you what's wrong with it and fix those things once I get my book back, so I can have it published before I go to college in September. BUT unfortunately some things get in the way. Once I start writing, my father demands me to go outside and do something because the weather is what he calls "lovely" (over 30 degrees Celsius, no wind, no rain, just plain hot and sticky) and that I shouldn't waste my time locking myself up in my room. As a result, I've only written 9 pages in the last week. I would love to explore the world, but I already went to London a few weeks ago and that's the only place my father allowed me to go. I did want to go to other places, places I've never been before, but appearantly that would be "dangerous", even though I frequently visit places in the Netherlands I've never been before on my own. As for after the holiday: I'm going to college in my own town, because I wasn't allowed to go to another town (my father said that if I did sign up in another town he would make that college in another town sign me out and otherwhise he would have my scholarship blocked, so I would have to work three times as hard to finance my study). I'm going to study Psychology (wasn't allowed to go to art school, but dad wasn't happy with this either because he wanted me to become a lab worker so I could grow a new tomato species and call it after him) and once I have my bachelor grade, I think I'm going for the Forensic Psychology master, but I'm not sure yet (my father still insists that I'll take the Economic Psychology master when I'm finished). I want to move out next year, because this year I'll have to earn a certain amount of study points, and next year I'll be able to afford a job next to my study. Dad will probably block my scholarship when I do that, but then I'll just work harder and spend 7 years in college instead of the standard 4 years. So, I guess that's my plan. Still watching when I'll be able to get myself a driver's lincence, if I can't do that this holiday, but I guess that'll be in two years.

About the fact that I let my family and the other people around me decide about my life: Ever since I was born, my family didn't really like me. They always compared me to the other children, who were nearly perfect (light blond, skinny, overly normal, sporty, tan bullies, but not really smart ones). I was more or less their opposite, I've never been good at sports, I was dark blonde and weird, I always had some curves, I couldn't get tan, I was sweet and I was really smart and therefore I was totally imperfect. So my cousins always got treated nicely, they got expensive presents and everyone always told them how handsome they were. I always got the crappy gifts, they never have me compliments, I had to accept how my cousins always locked me up everywhere and when I said something about it, the rest of my family told me I was overreacting and that my cousins were just playing nicely and that I shouldn't block their way to happiness. So I've been trying to kiss up to them, without any good result. Some stupid little part of me still wants them to like me just as they like my cousins, so I try to do stupid things and be normal while I'm not normal. My dad also really wants me to be some "perfect" creature: an intellectual, tan, skinny, misantropic lab worker who spends all of their spare time learning and lying in the sun and who never moves out. I got rid off wanting my dad to like me and I don't try to be that way anymore, because I personally don't want to be like that and I know that my father actually doesn't know me at all. Unfortunately he has the power to make me to certain things I don't actually want. If I try to do something he doesn't want me to do, he'll just blackmail me (I believe it's allowed to blackmail your children, because they fall under your responsibility, right?). So I guess I'll have to wait a year longer before I can move out. Next year I'll be my own boss. Hopefully.

BTW: My dad is also the person who taught me problems where stupid and that you should never talk about it, but I thought it was necessary this time, as no one in the real world understands me and my current moods.

 

[King sns]

Well, it sounds like you've already made up your mind about what's wrong and what you want to do. Right now you just need to relieve yourself of this situational depression. As much as I may sound like your family here, it sounds like you are dwelling in your head a bit. Maybe make a plan to get out of the house with friends and do something fun this summer. Something that you consider fun- not your family. Plan a trip out of town or something. Then after that it will be easier to think clearly about your next step towards your goals. This does sound like a passing depression. You are going to be so much happier to get away from your family and start building your own unique life.

 

[Queen Kat]

I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.

 

[King sns]

I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.

It sounds like the relationship with your dad is currently a bit toxic for you both. I think that's another semi-normal part of graduating. You're caught between being a kid and an adult. (My mom and I used to sing that Brittany Spears song, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" when I was 18 as a joke- I digress.) But it's like you're still depending on your parents, so you need to follow their rules, but at the same time, you are ready to develop your own routines and value systems separately. It's really hard to do that when you still need your parents. He's probably right- you probably don't know yourself fully yet. But it will be impossible to get to know yourself under his watchful critical eye. (I'm sure he means well, but it sounds like you are two very different people.) I guess for now you can just hang in there while planning your "escape". But trust me. This is something that will definitely pass.

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Queen Kat]

I'm 18. I wanted to move out this year, but appearantly "no one can move out and study properly". I personally think it's about time I try to live on my own and I'm going to sign up for this place where they search for homes for students (so I guess it's possible! Lots of people who graduated are going to move out now, not the majority but lots of them).

Actually, I think it's strange my dad thinks he knows me better then I do while I haven't been able to talk to him ever since I was 10. He doesn't know of the things that happened, he doesn't know of the people who influenced me all these years and he never really wanted to because only his problems were interesting (in his case everyone has to know about them). So, as the things I told him weren't interesting he only listened to what my teachers said about me. The person he sees when he talks to me is a nine year old me, including all the bad stuff my teachers have been telling him. Not who I am right now.

 

[King sns]

I'm 18. I wanted to move out this year, but appearantly "no one can move out and study properly". I personally think it's about time I try to live on my own and I'm going to sign up for this place where they search for homes for students (so I guess it's possible! Lots of people who graduated are going to move out now, not the majority but lots of them).

Actually, I think it's strange my dad thinks he knows me better then I do while I haven't been able to talk to him ever since I was 10. He doesn't know of the things that happened, he doesn't know of the people who influenced me all these years and he never really wanted to because only his problems were interesting (in his case everyone has to know about them). So, as the things I told him weren't interesting he only listened to what my teachers said about me. The person he sees when he talks to me is a nine year old me, including all the bad stuff my teachers have been telling him. Not who I am right now.

That's how a lot of Dads are. Their little girls are always little girls. On top of that, he probably doesn't want you to leave the house because he will miss you. Men have no idea how to express their feelings in this way sometimes- they do so in such odd and seemingly unloving ways. This is a very typical case of empty nest syndrome. It's good that you have an option for getting out of the house.

 

[King sns]

He also probably doesn't get to know you because he doesn't think it will help, or he doesn't know how. He wants to help with his practical solutions- he wants to tell you what's best and for you to follow what he does-because he's your dad and "he knows what's best." And again, in his mind you are still a little girl. And it sounds like you care a lot about your dad, too, but you are definitely speaking two different languages. He doesn't realize what's best for you now. Only you realize it. Is your dad an SJ of sorts?