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  1. #11
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    I'm not really lostabout that. It's just that the things I want in my future are unacceptable to the people around me (moving to Sweden and live in a house by the sea or a lake, write and raise children when I'm n my mid-twenties). I'm trying to figure out how I can do what I want to do and still be acceptable. That's pretty much of a struggle, as the people I know want me to do completely different things with my life (living in a boring Dutch "Vinex-wijk", getting a 9 to 5 job, marrying and getting kids in my late thirties). To me, it's a huge difference. I'm not able to fulfil a 9 to 5 job, I'm not able to live much longer in a boring, new neighbourhood without any nature around and I feel the need to have a nice family too much to wait another twenty years (no, my family isn't good enough).
    About depressions: I was depressed between 2005 and 2007 and that was different. If a certain person wasn't around back then, I would have been dead.
    You absolutely definately need to go travelling, go and see the world, find yourself, and have some fun,
    think about the big stuff when you get back, it may be easier.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  2. #12
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Is this some graduation depression? I've read about that, but most people with graduation depression feel very nostalgic, while I feel overwhelmed by the bad things that happened. Am I crazy now?
    I can relate to this very much. Whenever something stressful (like exams) stand in my way to something fun (like holiday) I will pull myself through the stressful period, always imagining how fun it will be once it's over. But then when it's over, it turns out you've burnt all your oil and you haven't got the energy to do the fun things any more. I can be really frustrated about this, especially the first days of holiday. Instead of doing all the fun things I've dreamt about, I'm wasting the time procrastinating! And if there is one thing in the world Perceivers shouldn't procrastinate on, it's on having fun!!

    You need:
    1) to accept you need to "waste" some of your free time on resting. Don't try to do all those fun things on the first day. You'll stay tired and not interested in it. Plan for a day or two of REST and try not to be frustrated. See it as a part of the duty before you can have your holiday.
    2) a new goal. What do you want to do now? What do you really want to have accomplished by the end of the holiday? Having made a trip to Yellowstone (I'm going to do that in a few weeks, yay!!) ? Having written a book (that's my goal for this summer)? Having spent time with some friends? Gone to a particular festival?
    You don't want to end the holiday and realize you've missed out on the fun things.
    3) If you're anything like me, probably you have lots of fun ideas when you can't realize them and none when you can. Write them down. I've got - really! - a to-do list of fun things. I don't care if I miss out of them, but I'll look at them when I'm bored. Use the J's strategems, not for work (that's for the real Js) but for play.
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  3. #13
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    I've read all of our replies, and there are certain things I'd like to say about that:

    Lots of you were talking about having a plan for what to do next. I do have a plan, but once I start working on it, I see many obstacles that keep me from finishing it. For example: I planned that I'd finish a book I've been working on on the 10th of July, so I can send it to this sort of agency where they read it for you and tell you what's wrong with it and fix those things once I get my book back, so I can have it published before I go to college in September. BUT unfortunately some things get in the way. Once I start writing, my father demands me to go outside and do something because the weather is what he calls "lovely" (over 30 degrees Celsius, no wind, no rain, just plain hot and sticky) and that I shouldn't waste my time locking myself up in my room. As a result, I've only written 9 pages in the last week. I would love to explore the world, but I already went to London a few weeks ago and that's the only place my father allowed me to go. I did want to go to other places, places I've never been before, but appearantly that would be "dangerous", even though I frequently visit places in the Netherlands I've never been before on my own. As for after the holiday: I'm going to college in my own town, because I wasn't allowed to go to another town (my father said that if I did sign up in another town he would make that college in another town sign me out and otherwhise he would have my scholarship blocked, so I would have to work three times as hard to finance my study). I'm going to study Psychology (wasn't allowed to go to art school, but dad wasn't happy with this either because he wanted me to become a lab worker so I could grow a new tomato species and call it after him) and once I have my bachelor grade, I think I'm going for the Forensic Psychology master, but I'm not sure yet (my father still insists that I'll take the Economic Psychology master when I'm finished). I want to move out next year, because this year I'll have to earn a certain amount of study points, and next year I'll be able to afford a job next to my study. Dad will probably block my scholarship when I do that, but then I'll just work harder and spend 7 years in college instead of the standard 4 years. So, I guess that's my plan. Still watching when I'll be able to get myself a driver's lincence, if I can't do that this holiday, but I guess that'll be in two years.

    About the fact that I let my family and the other people around me decide about my life: Ever since I was born, my family didn't really like me. They always compared me to the other children, who were nearly perfect (light blond, skinny, overly normal, sporty, tan bullies, but not really smart ones). I was more or less their opposite, I've never been good at sports, I was dark blonde and weird, I always had some curves, I couldn't get tan, I was sweet and I was really smart and therefore I was totally imperfect. So my cousins always got treated nicely, they got expensive presents and everyone always told them how handsome they were. I always got the crappy gifts, they never have me compliments, I had to accept how my cousins always locked me up everywhere and when I said something about it, the rest of my family told me I was overreacting and that my cousins were just playing nicely and that I shouldn't block their way to happiness. So I've been trying to kiss up to them, without any good result. Some stupid little part of me still wants them to like me just as they like my cousins, so I try to do stupid things and be normal while I'm not normal. My dad also really wants me to be some "perfect" creature: an intellectual, tan, skinny, misantropic lab worker who spends all of their spare time learning and lying in the sun and who never moves out. I got rid off wanting my dad to like me and I don't try to be that way anymore, because I personally don't want to be like that and I know that my father actually doesn't know me at all. Unfortunately he has the power to make me to certain things I don't actually want. If I try to do something he doesn't want me to do, he'll just blackmail me (I believe it's allowed to blackmail your children, because they fall under your responsibility, right?). So I guess I'll have to wait a year longer before I can move out. Next year I'll be my own boss. Hopefully.

    BTW: My dad is also the person who taught me problems where stupid and that you should never talk about it, but I thought it was necessary this time, as no one in the real world understands me and my current moods.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


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  4. #14
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Well, it sounds like you've already made up your mind about what's wrong and what you want to do. Right now you just need to relieve yourself of this situational depression. As much as I may sound like your family here, it sounds like you are dwelling in your head a bit. Maybe make a plan to get out of the house with friends and do something fun this summer. Something that you consider fun- not your family. Plan a trip out of town or something. Then after that it will be easier to think clearly about your next step towards your goals. This does sound like a passing depression. You are going to be so much happier to get away from your family and start building your own unique life.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  5. #15
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
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    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  6. #16
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.
    It sounds like the relationship with your dad is currently a bit toxic for you both. I think that's another semi-normal part of graduating. You're caught between being a kid and an adult. (My mom and I used to sing that Brittany Spears song, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" when I was 18 as a joke- I digress.) But it's like you're still depending on your parents, so you need to follow their rules, but at the same time, you are ready to develop your own routines and value systems separately. It's really hard to do that when you still need your parents. He's probably right- you probably don't know yourself fully yet. But it will be impossible to get to know yourself under his watchful critical eye. (I'm sure he means well, but it sounds like you are two very different people.) I guess for now you can just hang in there while planning your "escape". But trust me. This is something that will definitely pass.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  7. #17
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    I'm trying. I have a plan, but then my parents always disturb me with the plans they made for me. Just today my dad demanded that I had to go to the supermarket with him, just so I'd have to hear all of his complaining ("you can't say anything about yourself because you don't know yourself because you've had no drama at all in you entire life!" That's what you get if you tell your daughter everything she tells you is boring and that only your problems are interesting). I also have plans for how to get out of the house and start my own life. I already had these plans years ago. Last year I planned that I'd move out right now, but that couldn't happen because my dad blackmailed me. So I'll have to try surviving another year at home and moving out next year, when my dad really can't do anything about it anymore.
    How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  8. #18
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    I'm 18. I wanted to move out this year, but appearantly "no one can move out and study properly". I personally think it's about time I try to live on my own and I'm going to sign up for this place where they search for homes for students (so I guess it's possible! Lots of people who graduated are going to move out now, not the majority but lots of them).

    Actually, I think it's strange my dad thinks he knows me better then I do while I haven't been able to talk to him ever since I was 10. He doesn't know of the things that happened, he doesn't know of the people who influenced me all these years and he never really wanted to because only his problems were interesting (in his case everyone has to know about them). So, as the things I told him weren't interesting he only listened to what my teachers said about me. The person he sees when he talks to me is a nine year old me, including all the bad stuff my teachers have been telling him. Not who I am right now.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  9. #19
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    I'm 18. I wanted to move out this year, but appearantly "no one can move out and study properly". I personally think it's about time I try to live on my own and I'm going to sign up for this place where they search for homes for students (so I guess it's possible! Lots of people who graduated are going to move out now, not the majority but lots of them).

    Actually, I think it's strange my dad thinks he knows me better then I do while I haven't been able to talk to him ever since I was 10. He doesn't know of the things that happened, he doesn't know of the people who influenced me all these years and he never really wanted to because only his problems were interesting (in his case everyone has to know about them). So, as the things I told him weren't interesting he only listened to what my teachers said about me. The person he sees when he talks to me is a nine year old me, including all the bad stuff my teachers have been telling him. Not who I am right now.
    That's how a lot of Dads are. Their little girls are always little girls. On top of that, he probably doesn't want you to leave the house because he will miss you. Men have no idea how to express their feelings in this way sometimes- they do so in such odd and seemingly unloving ways. This is a very typical case of empty nest syndrome. It's good that you have an option for getting out of the house.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
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  10. #20
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    He also probably doesn't get to know you because he doesn't think it will help, or he doesn't know how. He wants to help with his practical solutions- he wants to tell you what's best and for you to follow what he does-because he's your dad and "he knows what's best." And again, in his mind you are still a little girl. And it sounds like you care a lot about your dad, too, but you are definitely speaking two different languages. He doesn't realize what's best for you now. Only you realize it. Is your dad an SJ of sorts?
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

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