User Tag List

First 678910 Last

Results 71 to 80 of 101

  1. #71
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,877

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by King sns View Post
    Copy pasted from my thread:

    One of my friends posts stuff like this on facebook.

    As I get older, I like people less and less. Cant wait to get home and be away from people. My babies will cheer me up. What would I do without them.

    She works in retail and makes minimum wage. She refuses to change her life around to make herself happier. Her "babies" that she is referring to are cats. She's Catholic- The kind that hates everyone else and their actions. She's a vegetarian and imposes her vegetarian beliefs on everyone around her. (Hates barbecues because it has meat, etc.)



    She was my best friend in highschool. Our upbringings were similar. She has a clinical depression, doesn't want to up her meds or do anything about it. When I say, "go get an application for somewhere else" she says, "The grass is not greener on the other side." I feel like we're speaking two different languages. I can't stand this trait in people.
    Clinical depression is a beast man. It isn't a logic thing. It isn't a refusing to do anything thing either. It's a frozen inability to do something. Time moves slower for depressed people. Nothing helps, because they feel nothing. They cling to emotions like hate because ANY emotion is a step in a healthy direction as backwards as that sounds. They feel something at all.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge
    Likes Noll liked this post

  2. #72
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Clinical depression is a beast man. It isn't a logic thing. It isn't a refusing to do anything thing either. It's a frozen inability to do something. Time moves slower for depressed people. Nothing helps, because they feel nothing. They cling to emotions like hate because ANY emotion is a step in a healthy direction as backwards as that sounds. They feel something at all.
    Depression is terrible. I've struggled with it my whole life. The onus though is on the depressed to reach out for help or to make a positive change. Because nothing will ever change if they don't first make some change.

    Sounds harsh but it's true. Every time I've gotten out of a serious bout of depression it has taken at least some action on my part. You have to give yourself a chance to at least begin to see that there are good things out there, and all you are doing is letting them pass you by.
    Likes ceecee, Noll liked this post

  3. #73
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,586

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Some people don't believe they can change it because nobody ever believed in them. On the contrary, they've often been badgered by the people who say they love them in their lives about the fact that they're useless, can never do anything right and should never trust their own judgement. Aka, bullies. And abusers - iow, all those that would disregard your 'no' and teach you that you're at their mercy and helpless to do anything about your situation - ever.

    So they choose what they believe to be the only choice left to them: live with the misery. It's the lesser of two evils because it is the known evil.

    And, as @fia has stated: it is incredibly painful, and requires actual ability to stay motivated and go the distance in the face of despair, misery and acute pain to make those changes. Someone who doesn't believe they can do anything right would never have the mental resources to actually make that journey.

    They need love, acceptance, compassion and someone who will believe in them - something they were denied their whole life. And then they need to discover self-love and care. And then maybe, they can actually go through the change.

    People who don't get this and judge them for it, often take for granted what they weren't deprived of in their lives and the fact that they actually have some self-esteem that got build up during childhood (or, they have a personality that just doesn't need to to believe in themselves. Inadvertently though, they're suffering in some other way and usually are incapable of trusting anyone else judgement other than their own, causing severe trust and social issues).

    Maybe their childhood was far from perfect, but somehow it didn't make them doubt their own abilities to actually affect your environment(which coincidentally is also part of the definition of chronic stress).


    The clinical term for this is Learned Self Helplessness. It leads to chronic stress, depression, addiction, apathy and a myriad of other conditions.

    The treatment includes being incredibly aware of the patient's signals and respect their boundaries at any given point, however ridiculous to you, and however small the signal or intrusion would be, so they can learn that, yes, they have a say in their situation and over their environment - as well as encouragement to try things out without being punished or yelled at for not being good enough, to learn that their abilities are just peachy.

    And it takes a lot of time, courage, psychological pain and old habits to overcome
    Great post!
    To add to the bolded, making a change from a painful situation almost always hurts more right at first. It is like breaking a bone and needing to have it reset. The thought of that increased level of pain on top of what feels like maxed out pain is reasonably difficult for a person to commit to. Too much pain can trigger short-term thinking in which it is more logical to not make the change. It takes long-term thinking to see the logic and reason for making the change. It is typically worse in the short-term, but better long-term.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.
    Likes Amargith, ZNP-TBA liked this post

  4. #74
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,074

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    I am this thread, somewhat. I was in a very bad relationship. I was locked into it due to a number of factors, including co-dependency, learned helplessness, depression, etc.

    I am still in a poor relationship. It is absolutely better. I would be much happier alone and a lot less lonely.

    I stay, for now, because there is improvement. Maybe I am just throwing good money after bad, but I don't feel I am. Given family obligations that will exist either way, it seems a better course to stay and grow through struggle than to just give up.

    I would be long gone without kids. I should have left pre kids. But I was blind and the pain from this relationship helped me to see. It just took a long time to actually see.

    Hopefully things improve enough to have an average relationship or even a good one. It could be a great one again, but there is limited hope for that......
    How long were you married/together? Statistically couples that contemplate divorce in the first years of a marriage end up happier working it out. This may not apply to you though.

  5. #75
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    EIE None
    Posts
    6,591

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieNinjaPirate View Post
    How long were you married/together? Statistically couples that contemplate divorce in the first years of a marriage end up happier working it out. This may not apply to you though.
    Married 20 years.... we started amazingly, so we never worked on it. Then it started declining gradually and I was in denial until this year. Now we can't even talk about our relationship, for all we love each other deeply. She has unresolved issues from childhood that have disrupted our life but she is afraid to address......
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  6. #76
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,074

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Married 20 years.... we started amazingly, so we never worked on it. Then it started declining gradually and I was in denial until this year. Now we can't even talk about our relationship, for all we love each other deeply. She has unresolved issues from childhood that have disrupted our life but she is afraid to address......
    What about seeking therapy?

  7. #77
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    EIE None
    Posts
    6,591

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieNinjaPirate View Post
    What about seeking therapy?
    I did. She refuses. Doesn't want to do "hard things" and doesn't want to "wake up one morning hating everyone".

    I hope me getting healthy will help her to want the same. I was pretty messed up from childhood and then had my wife be hateful and abusive for a decade, as she transferred her negative feelings related to her father to me..... he died 6 months ago and she didn't cry, but a gave the most powerful eulogy I have ever heard. His death shattered the denial I was in.

    I almost left when my denial shattered, and still struggle each month. I love my wife. I want her healthy. But if she never gets better than today, I we ultimately leave......
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
    Likes geedoenfj liked this post

  8. #78
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,074

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    I did. She refuses. Doesn't want to do "hard things" and doesn't want to "wake up one morning hating everyone".

    I hope me getting healthy will help her to want the same. I was pretty messed up from childhood and then had my wife be hateful and abusive for a decade, as she transferred her negative feelings related to her father to me..... he died 6 months ago and she didn't cry, but a gave the most powerful eulogy I have ever heard. His death shattered the denial I was in.

    I almost left when my denial shattered, and still struggle each month. I love my wife. I want her healthy. But if she never gets better than today, I we ultimately leave......
    Sorry to hear that man. That sounds pretty rough. I'm not going to give advice because its not my place. Just a couple questions? Have you let her know how deeply this is effecting you even to the point of leaving a 20 year marriage? Btw, I think most of us were messed up to some degree in childhood. I certainly was but it was extremely difficult to confront years later and even more difficult reorganizing my associations. But man, it's given me a measure of real happiness I didn't think was possible before. I think all you can do is give her a heart-felt but firm expression of your feelings and what kind of damage this is causing to you. Have you been going to therapy? I think a professional could give you some useful advice on how to move forward. Again, sorry you're going through that shit.

  9. #79
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    EIE None
    Posts
    6,591

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieNinjaPirate View Post
    Sorry to hear that man. That sounds pretty rough. I'm not going to give advice because its not my place. Just a couple questions? Have you let her know how deeply this is effecting you even to the point of leaving a 20 year marriage? Btw, I think most of us were messed up to some degree in childhood. I certainly was but it was extremely difficult to confront years later and even more difficult reorganizing my associations. But man, it's given me a measure of real happiness I didn't think was possible before. I think all you can do is give her a heart-felt but firm expression of your feelings and what kind of damage this is causing to you. Have you been going to therapy? I think a professional could give you some useful advice on how to move forward. Again, sorry you're going through that shit.
    I told her six months ago. I started therapy around the same time. And been working on myself diligently while trying to repair this disaster of a marriage.

    I just need to try a little longer, I suspect. She is getting healthier. We were both badly messed up, which is why we found each other because we have similar issues.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
    Likes ZNP-TBA liked this post

  10. #80
    eye of the storm magpie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    I think there are two reasons it would look from the outside like someone was refusing to change a situation they're unhappy with. The first is that they can't and that has been well explained in this thread. But the second reason which I haven't seen mentioned is that what might seem like an unhappy situation to you is not an unhappy situation to the person living it.

Similar Threads

  1. [ESTJ] Convincing an ESTJ to change their mind?
    By gulsy in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-05-2015, 11:05 PM
  2. Replies: 36
    Last Post: 03-19-2011, 11:03 PM
  3. Replies: 30
    Last Post: 01-14-2010, 08:10 PM
  4. Typing hubby who refuses to take MBTI test
    By FaithBW in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 11-15-2009, 11:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO