Extroverts..how much alone time do you need?

[Lark]

I don't need alone time per se, but i need time away from negative humanoids, to be around people in a relaxed setting, or simply be around the correct people. The second two are a bit difficult to acquire, which is why alone time comes into play.

That's it, I was trying to think of how to frame my response to this thread because I objectively spend a lot of alone or down time but while I dont have a strong preference I'm not as introspective as I am amiable or socially orientated, even if its just posting on a forum.

 

[Synarch]

A few questions...

Do you prefer living with introverts or extroverts? If you've ever lived with extroverts what was that like for you?

I prefer introverts. They're quiet, interesting and they don't bring a lot of people over, which I fucking hate since I like to feel prepared to put my social "face" on. They're also better one on one. I've never lived with an extravert, come to think of it. I suspect it would wear me the fuck out.

Growing up, everyone in my family was extraverted. TV was on loud. Everyone was playing music and making noise. My family would tease me for spending time on the phone in my room or reading all the time or drawing by myself. People were always dropping in. My parents were suspicious if I were too quiet, but I felt overwhelmed by all the noise and I felt like if I spent time around them it somehow made me stupid since we could rarely talk about what I was interested in. So, since I liked to think and enjoy ideas I had to get off alone.

That's funny that you recover during the week. lol A lot of people use the weekend to recover from the work week, but you do the opposite. Do you still feel too close to people even with overcommitting and "blazing" through? Do you think you just get bored quickly? I think that's fairly normal and for that reason I can't stand being stuck in one social event for the entire day/night but it happens all-too-often.

Yes, my week is when I relax. I work at home, though. I don't get bored really. I just don't like feeling like other people are bleeding into me. After socializing I feel like I have to purge the influence of other people and their desires and emotions. I have to kick everyone else out of my head so I can find myself again. But, I love giving in and feeling the flowing together that happens when you're around people you like.

 

[Giggly]

I prefer introverts. They're quiet, interesting and they don't bring a lot of people over, which I fucking hate since I like to feel prepared to put my social "face" on. They're also better one on one. I've never lived with an extravert, come to think of it. I suspect it would wear me the fuck out.

Social face. Does that consist of niceties and politeness and such?

Growing up, everyone in my family was extraverted. TV was on loud. Everyone was playing music and making noise. My family would tease me for spending time on the phone in my room or reading all the time or drawing by myself. People were always dropping in.

Sounds exactly like my family. This was a good experience though because it's how I learned how to be really social (i.e. fake extroversion) really well.

My parents were suspicious if I were too quiet, but I felt overwhelmed by all the noise and I felt like if I spent time around them it somehow made me stupid since we could rarely talk about what I was interested in. So, since I liked to think and enjoy ideas I had to get off alone.

What type are your parents? My parents are ESFJ and xSTP I think. They don't know how to handle quiet people. They falsely assume something is wrong with that person or that they can be taken advantage of. So annoying. :steam:

Yes, my week is when I relax. I work at home, though. I don't get bored really. I just don't like feeling like other people are bleeding into me. After socializing I feel like I have to purge the influence of other people and their desires and emotions. I have to kick everyone else out of my head so I can find myself again. But, I love giving in and feeling the flowing together that happens when you're around people you like.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I need to do the same. You actually sound like balanced I/E.

 

[Synarch]

Social face. Does that consist of niceties and politeness and such?

Mostly it's about trying to be charming and concealing discomfort. Hoping no one will see what I'm really feeling by putting on a nice show. If everyone is smiling, I can keep on hiding in my cloud of squid ink. It doesn't fool some people. I fear these people the most.

What type are your parents? My parents are ESFJ and xSTP I think. They don't know how to handle quiet people. They falsely assume something is wrong with that person or that they can be taken advantage of. So annoying. :steam:

Dad is ESFJ. Mom is ESFP. I think I retreated to books and such because my mind was one of the few places they wouldn't fucking invade like a pack of dogs with muddy feet.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I need to do the same. You actually sound like balanced I/E.

I like people. I just need my space, too. Because I also hate people.

 

[Giggly]

Dad is ESFJ. Mom is ESFP. I think I retreated to books and such because my mind was one of the few places they wouldn't fucking invade like a pack of dogs with muddy feet.

Interesting. Were they quite controlling?

I like people. I just need my space, too. Because I also hate people.

Who do you admire?

 

[teslashock]

I often hear extroverts say that they need alone time but I wonder just how much do you need?

A lot of my interests are things that don't involve and/or are not conducive to social interaction, so in order to pursue these interests and entertain myself, I need alone time.

I don't need alone time because I get sick of social interaction; I just need it as a prerequisite to doing some of the things that I enjoy doing.

I do wish that the interests that require alone time were more social, however. I'd prefer to spend a majority of my time with other people around.

 

[FDG]

I kind of don't need a type of time. I suppose I am rather adaptable. I can spend a week without interacting with people, another week with constant interaction (except sleep) and I won't mind either way.

 

[Synarch]

Interesting. Were they quite controlling?

My Dad controlled the outside things. Everything belonged to him and you only had anything at his leisure. He was the boss and had really perfectionistic expectations for things like how clean the house should be. I spent a lot of time polishing shoes and scrubbing toilets. He sucked all the air from the room. Big ape of a man with no compunction about jerking you back in line if you got out of line. 6'3" - 220lbs. Macho. Ex-cop. A real childish tyrant with the emotional awareness of a child yet flailing through life. Of course, I became a facile insurrectionist adept at concealment and provocation and acting since I could not counter him openly. I will likely carry this rejection of authority with me for the rest of my life, which is not an altogether good thing.

My Mom was emotionally demanding. She was constantly bouncing between elation and sadness due to her unhappiness in life. She used my brother and me as her playmates and affection machines because my Dad was just as selfish as she was and couldn't fill her endless pit of need. So, I got good at faking emotional requests (Fe). She made me hate the selfish weakness present in many women. I have consciously chosen rather aloof and independent women (almost masculine minded) who see to most of their own emotional needs.

Both my parents were very emotional and emotionally sloppy. It was distasteful and weak to me. That indulgence.

Who do you admire?

That's another reason I read a lot. In books I found voices and people I could relate to. Those people became almost like other father figures for me to mold myself against.

 

[Saslou]

Sometimes i love being around people and at other times i just want to retreat and hide.

How long is a piece of string. All dependent on the mood, i suppose.

 

[Giggly]

I kind of don't need a type of time. I suppose I am rather adaptable. I can spend a week without interacting with people, another week with constant interaction (except sleep) and I won't mind either way.

Is a week the limit or could you go more?

 

[Speed Gavroche]

What I don't understand is that introverts need times alone too. Where is the difference between the introvert's need for alone time and the extrovert's need for alone time?

 

[Giggly]

What I don't understand is that introverts need times alone too. Where is the difference between the introvert's need for alone time and the extrovert's need for alone time?

Exactly. This is part of the reason why I asked... to try to clarify that in my mind however I'm not becoming clearer on it but I am finding the answers fascinating for other reasons. Easily distracted.

I have had times where I have thought that the whole introvert/extrovert thing might in fact be bogus and doesn't really exist but I have since refined my thinking on that and now think that it's most likely like a bell curve graph where the bulk of people probably fall close to the same place on the introvert/extrovert graph or scale but the extreme cases are actually where we get our definitions of introversion and extroversion. They stand out the most.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

In MBTI, the I/E dichotomy is often seen as the most superficial, because your introvert/extrovert conterpart share the same functions with you. But actually, every dichotomy are superficial. MBTI can't stuck you in a box, it's an indicator first and last. By the way, I've changed my mind about my MBTI type.

 

[Synarch]

The other problem is that there is a misunderstanding about extraversion / introversion. Introverts aren't asocial anymore than extraverts are social necessarily. Introversion simply means that you are more interested in your subjective experience of life and reality than you are about what's going on outside yourself, as I understand it.

In the following pages I shall attempt a general description of the types, and my first concern must be with the two general types I have termed introverted and extraverted. But, in addition, I shall also try to give a certain characterization of those special types whose particularity is due to the fact that his most differentiated function plays the principal role in an individual's adaptation or orientation to life. The former I would term general attitude types, since they are distinguished by the direction of general interest or libido movement, while the latter I would call function-types.

The general-attitude types, as I have pointed out more than once, are differentiated by their particular attitude to the object. The introvert's attitude to the object is an abstracting one; at bottom, he is always facing the problem of how libido can be withdrawn from the object, as though an attempted ascendancy on. the part of the object had to be continually frustrated. The extravert, on the contrary, maintains a positive relation to the object. To such an extent does he affirm its importance that his subjective attitude is continually being orientated by, and related to the object. An fond, the object can never have sufficient value; for him, therefore, its importance must always be paramount.

The two types are so essentially different, presenting so striking a contrast, that their existence, even to the [p. 413] uninitiated in psychological matters becomes an obvious fact, when once attention has been drawn to it. Who does not know those taciturn, impenetrable, often shy natures, who form such a vivid contrast to these other open, sociable, serene maybe, or at least friendly and accessible characters, who are on good terms with all the world, or, even when disagreeing with it, still hold a relation to it by which they and it are mutually affected.

From: Classics in the History of Psychology -- Jung (1921/1923) Chapter 10

 

[Synarch]

Introvert = relation of object to subject. "Reality" is processed through the subject.
Extravert = relation of subject to object. The "subject", the individual consciousness, orients itself to external reality.

For the introvert, internal reality has more resonance.

 

[Giggly]

By the way, I've changed my mind about my MBTI type.

Really? Why is that?

Introvert = relation of object to subject. "Reality" is processed through the subject.
Extravert = relation of subject to object. The "subject", the individual consciousness, orients itself to external reality.

For the introvert, internal reality has more resonance.

I feel on the border of both introvert and extrovert. Confusing.

 

[Synarch]

I feel on the border of both introvert and extrovert. Confusing.

Not a problem.

 

[Walking Tourist]

Me, too. Very much on the border. Can't seem to get through customs on either side...
oh wait! I don't need to get through customs, once I've succeeded in dominating the world!!!

I feel on the border of both introvert and extrovert. Confusing.

 

[KiwiBurst]

A lot. It's hard to be social all the time.

 

[LucrativeSid]

I'm pretty split between introversion and extroversion, too. (Most people here believe I'm an extrovert, and I did as well for a long time.) I spend almost all of my time alone after work. I see other people in a social setting about once or twice a month for a few hours, and even then, it's in small numbers. How do I know if I need to be alone or if I need to be others? I don't seem to have an indicator anywhere... Being alone has become the norm for me now, but for all I know, it's bad for me.

I tend to think that whether I'm alone or with others is irrelevant. Whether I end up alone or socializing has more to do with my thoughts, motives, and feelings at any given moment. Socializing will either help me or hinder depending on what I've got going on in my mind. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's a pursuit.