Avoidance

[angelhair45]

Are you an avoider? I avoid and procrastinate way too much. One quality would definitely like to change. Anyone have this problem? Anyone overcome this problem?

 

[Words of Ivory]

I used not be. Up until about a year or two ago, I was overly aggressive in my verbal expression of my opinions. I'd jump straight into every situation, regardless of the circumstances. if something went awry, I'd deal with it.

Now I tend to just keep my distance. It is far easier to deal with people if you never get into a situation that creates confrontation in the first place. I am entirely aware of how cowardly that is.

How do you overcome it? Hopefully some-one wiser can answer that one.

 

[Chloe]

Are you an avoider? I avoid and procrastinate way too much. One quality would definitely like to change. Anyone have this problem? Anyone overcome this problem?

Yes Yes. NOO.

 

[Phantonym]

Yup, guilty! Haven't overcome it...yet. Can't say that I'm actually doing anything to overcome it either. I have my moments when I'm like a tank going through a wall but if it's not anything I consider very important, I'd rather not do anything.

 

[Riva]

Are you an avoider? I avoid and procrastinate way too much. One quality would definitely like to change. Anyone have this problem? Anyone overcome this problem?

I used to. it is the main weakness i had. Infact the only one I've noticed that I had but couldn't deal with it for a long time.

I have overcome this problem on own way. I would take an A4 fold it into 4 sides and write things down that I should do. If I complete a task written i would tick it. If anyone of the tasks are not completed it would be carried to the next day. (I even write the date on top of the paper.)

This method worked very well since if I didn't complete a task it would go to the next day and would have to complete it atleast on the next day. (I would carry this to-do-list in my wallet.)

 

[Sparrow]

I avoid pain whenever possible and I am super cautious in general.. I dont think its a bad thing. But communication wise (in my relationships)...its really bad because I tend to let things build up to the point of explosion. Not cool, gotta work on that. When I want to bring even the smallest thing up to my significant other, I know what his reaction will be (hes an ENTP)...so I feel like its not worth it to even bring up. I dont want to be annoying and naggy.

 

[Cephalonimbus]

Yes, in fact it's my greatest flaw.

If i could change one thing about myself, it would be to be able to overcome my own mental obstacles much quicker and easier, or better yet, not to throw up these obstacles in the first place.

The funny thing is that there's no way to justify it to myself rationally. Avoiding something i find difficult has always been harder than actually doing it; it leads to disappointment in my lack of vigor and all these worries and self-criticism cost a tremendous amount of energy and are bad for my self-esteem. Nevertheless, i typically don't do anything until i'm so sick of the situation that i end up doing it out of frustration/desperation, which can take a very long time.

 

[KDude]

I don't exactly avoid conflict, or harsh criticism, but I do kind of play it off for awhile.. So I avoid in that way. Yet, I still hang with the person, acting like it's all good. If it happens too much, then I retaliate... I get worse than they are, and then they act like I'm the one out of line. Like, "where did that come from??" It'd probably be best if I didn't hold things inside, and just articulate more readily. That's better than raging later on. ...Procrastination.. yeah. I don't feel like doing a lot of mundane things, but it stacks up after awhile. It'd probably be in my interest to take care of certain tasks more quickly, but I don't exactly have a major problem with how it is. I just kinda throw myself at it when I'm ready.

 

[Cheshire Grin]

Hmmm...I tend to avoid getting something done only if it's something for myself. For example, I might leave a paper worth the majority of my grade till the last minute, but if somebody asked me to walk their dog or come up with a master plan for taking over the world using water guns and table salt I would get to it straight away.

I watched this guy's video back in high school (while I was procrastinating, no doubt ) and thought this his ideas were rather interesting. Worth checking out, but quite long (30 mins).
Why people procrastinate

 

[Amethyst]

It depends.
I'll avoid situations where there is no logical reason for me to be in that are harmful to myself...such as seeing old friends which I am purposely avoiding now because I cannot physically face them or even talk to them ever again.
I also avoid doing homework unless there's a guaranteed reward involved (ex. if you get this done by 5, you can go to so-and-so's party or see a movie).
I usually don't avoid confrontational situations though. I like to prove my point that I was right and they were not, and if I avoid that, they might as well assume I have forfeited.

 

[Flutterby]

Depends what you're avoiding.

I usually find there's an emotional issue behind whatever I'm avoiding at the time.

One thing that really helped was that I think I've finally found a way to do what I really like to do and make money from it, so I'm trying to do a lot more of it in my free time. I think we all usually have a hobby or passion that we'd rather be doing, and if you can start a small hobby business on the side and grow it that could help in the long run.

If you're already at where you want to be then I have no idea, if you're avoiding it it can't be that crucial in the first place, unless it's something like an assignment where you may be procrastinating for a number of reasons. One of the most interesting things I read about procrastination was that sometimes people get bored by their assignment, so they put it off until they can't anymore, then at least the assignment is less boring because it's more of a challenge, even if you're incredibly stressed out by your tight deadline. I think the easiest way to tackle any assignment is to take it home the first day, work out realistically all the steps you need to take and commit to taking x number of steps every single working day, that way you don't have to do a lot of it but you're still getting it done.

Also sometimes people have higher standards for themselves than what they'd like to have, like maybe they don't really care if the house is messy but are worried about what someone else will think. I personally like things tidy, but I know a lot of people avoid housework, easiest way to get it done is to adopt a system like fly lady or similar. When it becomes a habit where it's done in small steps it is not so hard.

Also I think it's important to remember, humans tend to do what they get rewarded for and will avoid what they are punished for. If you set up your own reward system you may well encourage yourself to change, especially if you take small steps and reward frequently with small rewards. Probably best not to use a food reward unless you choose a healthy food.

 

[Saslou]

I avoid pain whenever possible and I am super cautious in general.. I dont think its a bad thing. But communication wise (in my relationships)...its really bad because I tend to let things build up to the point of explosion. Not cool, gotta work on that. When I want to bring even the smallest thing up to my significant other, I know what his reaction will be (hes an ENTP)...so I feel like its not worth it to even bring up. I dont want to be annoying and naggy.

Same as above only i have learned that i need to bring things up and communicate otherwise i'l drive myself insane and resentment will rear it's ugly face. I also don't want to come across as annoying but if compassion to the situation is there then hopefully the outcome of the discussion will work in our favour.

I truly an in an idealistic mindset today.

 

[Pixelholic]

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I procrastinate way too much on work but because of the nature of my work I've had to train myself out of it (which only helps somewhat.) I avoid hanging out with friends who act like dicks.

If I get into an argument with someone I'll usually stick to the argument but if it becomes apparent that they're just irrationally spouting bullshit or they resort to some other kind of logically fallacious argument then I'll back out, usually they then declare themselves the winner in a dickish way and I tend to avoid them afterwards.

I used to be a lot worse with avoidance issues but I've developed a thicker skin.