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Thread: Avoidance

  1. #11
    Member Array Flutterby's Avatar
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    May 2010


    Depends what you're avoiding.

    I usually find there's an emotional issue behind whatever I'm avoiding at the time.

    One thing that really helped was that I think I've finally found a way to do what I really like to do and make money from it, so I'm trying to do a lot more of it in my free time. I think we all usually have a hobby or passion that we'd rather be doing, and if you can start a small hobby business on the side and grow it that could help in the long run.

    If you're already at where you want to be then I have no idea, if you're avoiding it it can't be that crucial in the first place, unless it's something like an assignment where you may be procrastinating for a number of reasons. One of the most interesting things I read about procrastination was that sometimes people get bored by their assignment, so they put it off until they can't anymore, then at least the assignment is less boring because it's more of a challenge, even if you're incredibly stressed out by your tight deadline. I think the easiest way to tackle any assignment is to take it home the first day, work out realistically all the steps you need to take and commit to taking x number of steps every single working day, that way you don't have to do a lot of it but you're still getting it done.

    Also sometimes people have higher standards for themselves than what they'd like to have, like maybe they don't really care if the house is messy but are worried about what someone else will think. I personally like things tidy, but I know a lot of people avoid housework, easiest way to get it done is to adopt a system like fly lady or similar. When it becomes a habit where it's done in small steps it is not so hard.

    Also I think it's important to remember, humans tend to do what they get rewarded for and will avoid what they are punished for. If you set up your own reward system you may well encourage yourself to change, especially if you take small steps and reward frequently with small rewards. Probably best not to use a food reward unless you choose a healthy food.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by yourfriendjaneen View Post
    I avoid pain whenever possible and I am super cautious in general.. I dont think its a bad thing. But communication wise (in my relationships)...its really bad because I tend to let things build up to the point of explosion. Not cool, gotta work on that. When I want to bring even the smallest thing up to my significant other, I know what his reaction will be (hes an ENTP) I feel like its not worth it to even bring up. I dont want to be annoying and naggy.
    Same as above only i have learned that i need to bring things up and communicate otherwise i'l drive myself insane and resentment will rear it's ugly face. I also don't want to come across as annoying but if compassion to the situation is there then hopefully the outcome of the discussion will work in our favour.

    I truly an in an idealistic mindset today.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #13
    Senior Member Array Pixelholic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010


    Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I procrastinate way too much on work but because of the nature of my work I've had to train myself out of it (which only helps somewhat.) I avoid hanging out with friends who act like dicks.

    If I get into an argument with someone I'll usually stick to the argument but if it becomes apparent that they're just irrationally spouting bullshit or they resort to some other kind of logically fallacious argument then I'll back out, usually they then declare themselves the winner in a dickish way and I tend to avoid them afterwards.

    I used to be a lot worse with avoidance issues but I've developed a thicker skin.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

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