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  1. #21
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Anyone have any helpful hints of moving on from things of the past?
    Yes!
    Not really!
    Maybe!
    Possibly no!
    Probably could think of something but your not gonna like it!
    Do I want to spend the energy thinking about a machine that could shear baggage into compost, hot tube time machine fore teh girls. it might work. but we are talking psychic residue here that has one of those lasting emotional tag arcs, this could need a plunger.

  2. #22
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Anyone have any helpful hints of moving on from things of the past?
    some things you'll never fully be able to get rid of... without resorting to a lobotomy, which isn't highly suggested... certain fears are hard to shake, certain experiences will always be remembered, some people you won't forget- it's unfortunate (or fortunate in some cases!) but true

    the best you can do is to keep moving on and find someone who IS a positive influence and who you DO enjoy... nobody can make everything better, but having someone good can make things feel alright. You'll eventually grow to trust them and love them and though the past will never be erased, it will be the past... and the present will be better than the past was
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #23
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Anyone have any helpful hints of moving on from things of the past?
    dialogue between dominant and non-dominant hand is extremely helpful. "The power of your other hand" is book that can guide you through this, i have it in pdf so if you want me to email it send me your email in pm

  4. #24
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    some things you'll never fully be able to get rid of... without resorting to a lobotomy, which isn't highly suggested... certain fears are hard to shake, certain experiences will always be remembered, some people you won't forget- it's unfortunate (or fortunate in some cases!) but true
    I agree with this but it's different to *remember* than to have your life be under control of your past and traumas.
    Remembering isnt bad thing, but if you're constantly triggered by past expiriences ... that you can and need to get rid of.

  5. #25
    Senior Member simpleamazement's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Anyone have any helpful hints of moving on from things of the past?
    Focus on the positive. Focus on what you do have.
    Get a therapist or someone you trust to go through the grieving process.
    Keep yourself busy. When you're busy, you are less likely to think. Stop visiting places that remind you of that past situation. Stop listening to songs that remind you of that past situation.

  6. #26
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I see three options.

    Relocation, memory loss, acceptance.

    Relocation: Move away, don't look back, start anew.

    Memory loss: Keep hitting yourself on the head real hard, eventually you will start to wonder why you are holding a hammer in your hand.

    Acceptance: The past is the past. The baggage has your name on it and it is yours. Don't carry it anymore, just let it float around, unhampering your ability to move forward.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #27
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Anyone have any helpful hints of moving on from things of the past?
    Think about what you learned from it, appreciate what you learned, and move on.

  8. #28
    Member Tradewind's Avatar
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    I was browsing and this thread made me want to post. It reminds me a lot of the conversation Yoda has with Anakin about loss. Whether its grieving for someone who has gone away or someone who has perished. Basically, he says to learn to let go of all you fear to lose.

    He is not very specific as to how but its probably best if you find a way that works for you.

    Yoda is a pretty wise guy.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i believe you are mistaking your experience of love for what love is. i think that we (you and i--Fe-Ti) feel love at moments of death and change because we see the whole story in a new light that is too distant and too overarching to stay dialed into in an everyday life moment-by-moment kind of way. i don't know if there's that much consciousness to go around.

    others (Fi) dwell on their feelings to come to terms with a truth for themselves that is necessary in order for them to navigate the world and make their decisions. and i also am under the assumption that that activity produces a kind of subjectively tinged love that provides a kind of affirmation and validation and truth that is if not permanent far beyond our transitory acting out/performance/decision of love. it is stored in a more enduring memory than our Fe love-grammar.

    my aspiration is to recognize this kind of love, to know it, and allow it to transform my vision of the world beyond how i see love and its leaking colors.
    It's true at least for me in that the concept of loss as described by Synarch doesn't figure prominently in my experience of love at all.

    I'd say don't force yourself to move on. Grieve, assess, learn (I don't think this has to follow a linear pattern)...learn about yourself and relationships. Don't be afraid to be critical about yourself. Accept that there will be tiny relapses and days when you feel like shit. Try to occupy your mind with things that provide you with positive feedback and work on centering yourself that way. I don't think running far away and hunting for rebounds is always the best option. Often the key to bouncing back lies in yourself as well, in coming to terms with your feelings yourself and gaining deeper understanding so you can balance yourself out (/= spending days wallowing in self-pity...part of learning how to handle Fi is learning how not to drown in it). I suppose in a way that may be part of the Fe-Fi perspective on abandonment...I try to think of it as rebuilding or balancing myself more than as leaving something behind (esp. after initial grieving).

  10. #30
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Thank you for all of your responses. They help a little bit- I'm not sure if I can internalize them yet. (Except for Whatever: She wins the most practical response award.) I came out of a bad relationship a year ago. The "grieving" process seems to be over. (At least in regards to losing the relationship and the future and stuff.) I don't love him at all anymore, but still seem to be pretty messed up from everything that happened with him. This is really unusual for me, but I am just having a difficult time letting go of these bad experiences.

    My current relationship still manages to be healthy- and he treats my baggage with great love and care, that is helpful.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

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