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  1. #11
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    but if I'm seen as mean nobody will try to mess with me! (it's a good self defense mechanism for some of us!)
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #12
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    When people are nice, it means they want something from you.

  3. #13
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    When people are nice, it means they want something from you.
    maybe that's why YOU are nice to people!

    (and whatever can't explain why she helps people without totally sounding like an SJ)
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #14
    *ears perk up* wolfmaiden14's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    but if I'm seen as mean nobody will try to mess with me! (it's a good self defense mechanism for some of us!)
    Fair enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    When people are nice, it means they want something from you.
    Exactly...They want you to be happy!
    Forming characters! Whose? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence. - Elihu Burritt

    Member of the Maverick's Biker Club - Now crashing through walls instead of just..walking into them.

  5. #15
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14 View Post
    Whatever - I don't get that. I can understand being bashful about compliments, and even preferring good deeds to go un noticed. But why would people not want to be seen as nice people? You really want people to think you're mean?
    My take may be different, but I don't want to be seen as nice, although I am pretty well conditioned to show a pleasant front. It draws too much attention and makes people see you as potential target for exploitation. I think the ideal is to appear in control and civil. Leave people without the assumptions of niceness or meanness, and just inspire respect. It's easier to pull that off professionally, but personally my face is too mushy and expressive. It betrays way too much. I don't care for that at all.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #16
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    How can one tell the difference when you are showing deeper personal connections vs. lighter social exchanges? Sometimes people who have a habit of being pleasant can attempt to express something meaningful only to be dismissed as "being nice". How do you differentiate the two approaches to people?
    Personally, I find that describing what you are feeling in non-standard terms is the best way to differentiate. Don't use stock-phrases, because they have been emptied of all meaning by years of misuse. Don't be afraid to hold up the conversation to establish sincerity. Break away from established conversational patterns as much as possible -- that grabs people's attention and makes it harder for them to dismiss what you're saying as just "being nice". "Being nice" tends to be formulaic and non-exclusive. If you can say whatever you want to say in a way that is non-formulaic and exclusive, you will probably have the desired effect. It does make you vulnerable, but better to be vulnerable than safe and lonely.




    PS: people's or peoples'? I can never remember.

  7. #17
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    My take may be different, but I don't want to be seen as nice, although I am pretty well conditioned to show a pleasant front. It draws too much attention and makes people see you as potential target for exploitation. I think the ideal is to appear in control and civil. Leave people without the assumptions of niceness or meanness, and just inspire respect. It's easier to pull that off professionally, but personally my face is too mushy and expressive. It betrays way too much. I don't care for that at all.
    I used to try to figure out what kind of person I needed to be to make sure I had all the love, respect, and resources I needed to survive. But I see more now that that didn't make me happy. I think I'm I'm strong enough, without artiface, to be respected and protected, and so are you.

    PS: people's or peoples'? I can never remember.
    Well, it can actually be both, but the most standard one is people's. People is a plural noun that denotes more than one person (like the plural nouns 'women' and 'children'). To make it possessive, you just add the apostrphe + S. Peoples is also a word, but it seems to be used more in reference to different nationalities and walks of life, if you know what I mean. I don't think I've ever seen the word "peoples" used possessively.

    So, for example: "The Canadian people's right to vote is essential."

    For another: "In the world, there are many different peoples from many different walks of life." "These peoples' differences are sometimes stark."

    Ha! I found a usage note on dictionary.com:

    Usage note
    People is usually followed by a plural verb and referred to by a plural pronoun: People are always looking for a bargain. The people have made their choice. The possessive is formed regularly, with the apostrophe before the -s: people's desire for a bargain; the people's choice. When people means “the entire body of persons who constitute a community or other group by virtue of a common culture, history, etc.,” it is used as a singular, with the plural peoples: This people shares characteristics with certain inhabitants of central Asia. The aboriginal peoples of the Western Hemisphere speak many different languages. The formation of the possessive is regular; the singular is people's and the plural is peoples'.

  8. #18
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mempy View Post
    Ha! I found a usage note on dictionary.com:
    Nice one! My days of specific genitive uncertainty are numbered!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14 View Post
    Exactly...They want you to be happy!
    Did you grow up in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood?

  10. #20
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    Did you grow up in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood?
    is there something wrong with Mr Rodger's neighborhood?

    I grew up in Mayberry!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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