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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Red face reconciling your facade with your inner self

    This is an issue that I've had some serious problems with over the years- I've always had an image as a light hearted, fun and positive person who will help you out if you're in trouble. It came naturally when I was younger (before I hit 23 or so) but then I hit a rough patch... and kept on acting the same

    I KNOW that I have some serious issues that probably need to be made public and that my compulsion to just hide that and keep things running smoothly don't help things, but I just can't break myself from keeping up the facade.

    I know that there will be responses of "it's better off just to be honest with people" but that won't work all so well really- I don't WANT anyone's pity and I don't want to be looked at as different, which are bound to be the results of absolute honesty. There's few things worse than pity, which is why, for the most part, I've been silent about these things to the board as well. And despite all of that, I still feel a need to be friendly and pleasant... it's like it's an ingrained part of my personality just as much as the bad part

    I feel really hesitant about posting this even... thankfully I'm posting in the same forum as a more popular thread
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    I just went through about nine years of that... And now I'm divorced. Which up until now I have only shared with people I feel closer to.

    It was such a strain, and in the end the bad patch was worsened because I was so dreadfully unhappy. I have found a freedom, however, in not having to act anymore. Honestly, the old happy and lighthearted me is returning, and I missed her.

    I think one has to be happy with themselves before they can be themselves. At least that is the point I am at and how it was for me. I realize that many others will be different. Just in the last little while, not having to act the opposite of who I am... It has been like walking with my head above water instead of drowning.

    Good luck and really, it gets better, even when things seem so awful... out of chaos comes opportunity. You seem brilliant and like you have a good head on your shoulders, you will always make it.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  3. #3
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Life is a bit of a facade. Humans are a lot more delicate than we try and put on. Sometimes its best to only show one side of our face because some people can be harsh and its the few acts of harshness that hit us when we allow ourselves to be particularly vulnerable. Most however are pretty kind and reasonable although this is most often expressed in silence.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #4
    Senior Member lunalove's Avatar
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    What's wrong with being different? We're ALL different...so really, you're just the same as everyone else :p Your different just might be different than my different!

    Seriously though...what do you have to lose? Maybe no one will pity you after all. Maybe someone will have a solution? Or someone will have been in your situation and will be able to relate? If you don't share this...maybe it will stay inside of you...and grow... (I've been there...it's not pretty!)

    I have no idea what this could be, obviously, but I would love to hear you out (and seeing as you've almost posted 10,000 posts here...I can guess you have a lot of people who care about you here!) If anyone judges you or pities you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, we can all pounce on them! :-)

    I think it's great that you've made it this far and that you posted at all! That takes a lot of courage. I can't tell you how many times I've attempted to post and then deleted it before I finished writing!

    Take care of yourself We're all here for you! ((hugs)) if ok... luna~

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    it would be a lot easier if I didn't have the little voice telling me that "you're genuinely crazy!" every time I try to tell myself that it'll be alright... I've gone over a year now feeling normal and happy- it's been great!

    recently though, I've been under a lot of stress and am starting to feel some things coming back that I never ever wanted to see again... it's not related to my homelife, family or friends, but I'm so afraid that it will affect them... I don't want to fuck up what I've worked so hard to have

    I know that I CAN work through something like that with my public face- I was everyone's de facto mom and fraternity VP while going through a psychotic depressive episode a few years ago and when I talked to people later only one person was able to pick up on the fact that anything was wrong... my thoughts there were "it's better to drink and be presumed an alcoholic than to tell anyone the truth"

    thank you definitley! it's always good to know that there IS hope still though... people need to be reminded of that sometimes
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    If you have tired from projecting the facade of friendliness and pleasantry, then start small, like omitting smiley faces. Then move on to bigger things, such as becoming more cognisant of your accommodating behaviors. Omit them. Let your content shine for what it is, and shed the fluffy delivery like a dead skin.

  7. #7
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Honestly, friends and family are supposed to help you through times like that. If they cannot, then something is wrong. If you have a good support system then you are rich, and if you don't, well, it is good to know who can count on.

    There is always hope, it may not come in the situation you expect, but it is there.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  8. #8
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Life is a bit of a facade. Humans are a lot more delicate than we try and put on. Sometimes its best to only show one side of our face because some people can be harsh and its the few acts of harshness that hit us when we allow ourselves to be particularly vulnerable. Most however are pretty kind and reasonable although this is most often expressed in silence.
    Quote Originally Posted by lunalove View Post
    What's wrong with being different? We're ALL different...so really, you're just the same as everyone else :p Your different just might be different than my different!

    Seriously though...what do you have to lose? Maybe no one will pity you after all. Maybe someone will have a solution? Or someone will have been in your situation and will be able to relate? If you don't share this...maybe it will stay inside of you...and grow... (I've been there...it's not pretty!)

    I have no idea what this could be, obviously, but I would love to hear you out (and seeing as you've almost posted 10,000 posts here...I can guess you have a lot of people who care about you here!) If anyone judges you or pities you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, we can all pounce on them! :-)

    I think it's great that you've made it this far and that you posted at all! That takes a lot of courage. I can't tell you how many times I've attempted to post and then deleted it before I finished writing!

    Take care of yourself We're all here for you! ((hugs)) if ok... luna~
    to be perfectly upfront for the first time with ANYONE (who I didn't have to pay) I had a really traumatic event occur a few years ago (I was 23) and ended up in therapy for PTSD and psychotic depression after over a week of not sleeping... The PTSD was mostly resolved, but a year after that I was diagnosed as Bipolar II, and after experiencing my first mixed episode over Winter '08 I freaked out and quit drinking (which I'd been using to hide my problems and self medicate), I took up getting a lot more time outdoors, started eating healthy and regulated my sleep schedule, which has helped a lot with avoiding symptoms... recently I've been under a lot of stress with my job search and such and have started to feel the inkling of things returning in the back of my mind... it's terrifying

    That's a type of weird I don't WANT to be... I don't want people's pity or sympathy, I want to be normal :steam: I appologize already because I have the tendancy to fight things and get angry about a threat
    Last edited by miss fortune; 04-14-2010 at 10:48 AM. Reason: added a mising AND
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  9. #9
    Senior Member lunalove's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    If you have tired from projecting the facade of friendliness and pleasantry, then start small, like omitting smiley faces. Then move on to bigger things, such as becoming more cognisant of your accommodating behaviors. Omit them. Let your content shine for what it is, and shed the fluffy delivery like a dead skin.
    You know, the way you put that is so comforting! Like, anyone can just be themselves...and it's truly ok to do so. I hope it helps the OP to hear this...I know it helps me Thanks!

  10. #10
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    luna, I used to be overly friendly and accommodating, and then one day I decided to stop it, so my advice comes from experience.

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