User Tag List

First 4567 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 64

  1. #51
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Posts
    473

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    *sigh* true... I'm always the one who keeps things going, the perfect hostess, the friend people go to to calm them down and fix things... the knowlege that I can't fix this and it's a real struggle to help others at times can be extremely frustrating (I do beleive that a few walls got punched early on for that reason )

    it's almost like you're expected to always bounce back and be there... that's what makes any vulnerability extra hard to face... when depressed I can't even make eye contact with a mirror...
    Same here. I was invulnerable on the outside so the inner-self didn't have a chance to develop that same resilience. When I was emotionally vulnerable I was unprepared and the blow was very painful. Then I never wanted to feel that pain again and I became dependent on my invulnerability.

    The root feeling of violation is so deplorable and disgusting that I didn't realize that by avoiding it so vehemently I had allowed it to define me. I had to realize I deserved a whole lot better than that. By taking the pain of reopening old wounds, my inner-self eventually became strong enough to stand on its own without the facade.

  2. #52
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,536

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I was merely pointing out that it had nothing to do with the topic... which falls under a certain definition, I beleive
    Actually, you didn't like what I said and rather than just saying so, you hit out at me in an indirect way.

  3. #53
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,122

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyNoLimits View Post
    Same here. I was invulnerable on the outside so the inner-self didn't have a chance to develop that same resilience. When I was emotionally vulnerable I was unprepared and the blow was very painful. Then I never wanted to feel that pain again and I became dependent on my invulnerability.

    The root feeling of violation is so deplorable and disgusting that I didn't realize that by avoiding it so vehemently I had allowed it to define me. I had to realize I deserved a whole lot better than that. By taking the pain of reopening old wounds, my inner-self eventually became strong enough to stand on its own without the facade.
    yeah, here it's just unsettling because I know that it's something that I can try to control, but I'll never have complete control over... that just gives an unpleasant sense of uncertain vulnerability... like I can't be sure that I can fully develop a strength against it...

    The surprisingness of something striking you where you're NOT prepared against it is just kind of shaking... and I'm still not fully sure how you deal with that
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #54
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Posts
    473

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    yeah, here it's just unsettling because I know that it's something that I can try to control, but I'll never have complete control over... that just gives an unpleasant sense of uncertain vulnerability... like I can't be sure that I can fully develop a strength against it...

    The surprisingness of something striking you where you're NOT prepared against it is just kind of shaking... and I'm still not fully sure how you deal with that
    Failing is the one thing that highly capable people who rarely fail can't deal with. That unpleasant sense is what you get when the illusion of complete control dissolves, once that front is gone the inner-self is left vulnerable.

    That feeling of being unsure of whether you'll develop inner-strength demonstrates how little is already there. Of course, this is the blind leading the blind but I believe that state of being vulnerable is what allows us to adapt... not another trick of the facade, but the evolution of our weakest point.

    By definition, staying out of each of our comfort zones is a sometimes painful struggle, especially those of us who are used to having a gigantic one. Not sure where I heard this, but "if you know what will happen next, you aren't living". All living things grow, so we should embrace the feeling so the inner-self can grow stronger.

  5. #55
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,904

    Default

    I'm not sure if this is related to what you're experiencing but thought it might be worth sharing this.

    About the Shadow - Seeing Your Shadow Side, Reclaiming the Repressed Selves Within Shadow Works

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  6. #56
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    I don't think I have much of a facade, to a flaw, as in... it's hard for me to put on a face, or a show when it disagrees with how I truly feel.

    My inner self is my self.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #57
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    953 sp/so
    Posts
    5,708

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    This is an issue that I've had some serious problems with over the years- I've always had an image as a light hearted, fun and positive person who will help you out if you're in trouble. It came naturally when I was younger (before I hit 23 or so) but then I hit a rough patch... and kept on acting the same

    I KNOW that I have some serious issues that probably need to be made public and that my compulsion to just hide that and keep things running smoothly don't help things, but I just can't break myself from keeping up the facade.

    I know that there will be responses of "it's better off just to be honest with people" but that won't work all so well really- I don't WANT anyone's pity and I don't want to be looked at as different, which are bound to be the results of absolute honesty. There's few things worse than pity, which is why, for the most part, I've been silent about these things to the board as well. And despite all of that, I still feel a need to be friendly and pleasant... it's like it's an ingrained part of my personality just as much as the bad part

    I feel really hesitant about posting this even... thankfully I'm posting in the same forum as a more popular thread
    First things first.




    You are normal. Trust me on this.

    MBTI-theory-wise, I think that the "facade" seems to often be an Fe problem, especially tertiary Fe. Fi tends to "be itself" and then damn the consequences. That doesn't help much though ... because it's just MBTI theory, not real knowledge of a real person. I mention it in case it might help with your self-knowledge.

    Your facade is part of you. It is not lie, except insofar as it is a lie of omission. The way I think of it, think of a jewel, diamond or whatever, with many facets. The jewel is you, the entire you nothing omitted.

    In the real world, though, you can only show one facet at a time. It's a rule. The real world is only 3-dimensional, and personality-wise, it is often perceived only 1-dimensionally, especially with respect to strangers and acquaintances.

    It's perfectly OK to show just one facet of you. There is nothing wrong with it at all. It is not unhealthy behavior. Everyone has to do it. Even the Fi people, in spite of my comment above.

    The unhealthy part is pretending that facet of yourself is the whole of yourself.

    That is how you were running away from your problems.

    Continue being friendly and pleasant. Sure you have problems. Being friendly and pleasant is not the cause, and becoming unfriendly and unpleasant won't solve them.

    Rather, be cognizant of the fact that "the real YOU" is much more than the facet you show to the world. It is much more than the facet you show to your friends. It is much more than the facet you show to the forum.

    It is much more than the facet with the flaw that is the cause of your problems.

    Realize that it is "all you," and work from there. The "real you" is more than capable of handling any single facet. The real you is a gem of exquisite beauty. The flaws only serve to prove that you are a real gem, far more valuable than any perfectly manufactured synthetic.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  8. #58
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    I don't think I have much of a facade, to a flaw, as in... it's hard for me to put on a face, or a show when it disagrees with how I truly feel.

    My inner self is my self.
    Busted.

    Me too!

    Whether I love, hate, am interested in or bored to tears with someone, it is all going to hang out.

    This is a fatal flaw for some types of people, luckily I am not one of them.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  9. #59
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    1,755

    Default

    I think you have a salesman personality. Being cheerful and always outlook at the positive side of life no matter how black you are inside. I think you should be proud to have that kind of personality, because not everyone can do that.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  10. #60
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,122

    Default

    LNL- I think it's almost like the external projected facet of the personality is our clothes- to even admit something like I did here makes me feel like I took my clothes off outside in the winter It's not like I mind taking clothes off, just outside in the winter isn't the ideal setting

    Highlander- I'd started a thread on that back when I first joined and didn't get a good response... it might explain why I always tend to hang out with INFJs here though I can see some of that... and the interesting fact that I developed Fe during that period (and lived as an introvert for a year!) as well

    SS and Halla- I used to be "what you see is what you get"- I can't be honest with everyone about this though- some people are undereducated and will pass stupid judgements that could affect me more than I'd like... I'm afraid of that happening on the board for goodness sake

    uumlau- you're right- I think what has me so upset now was that I'd almost succeeded in pushing that phase out of my mind and beleiving that it had never even existed, that my public front is all of me. I really wanted to forget... but I suppose you can't ever completely forget a part of yourself

    cloud- I'm apparently a high self monitorer... though done as a defense mechanism as opposed of to put one over on others
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

Similar Threads

  1. Are you good at keeping your outer self in harmony with your inner self?
    By Evolving Transparency in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 10-03-2017, 06:53 PM
  2. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 06-20-2013, 03:24 AM
  3. [INFJ] INFJ - Question about your inner monolouge
    By Shinzon in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 03-13-2009, 12:40 AM
  4. Do you exorcise or exercise your inner demons?
    By wolfy in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 02-06-2009, 02:42 PM
  5. Put Your Babies In the Air = Your Inner Child
    By Thursday in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-06-2008, 06:57 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO