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  1. #21
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    Facades are underrated. A facade can help maintain a more stable external world when the internal one is less stable. In this way, they're very pragmatic, functional, and a good adaptation to life. Maintaining a stable external world can help the internal one stabilize and prevent the internal chaos from permeating all of life in a disabling way.

    Maybe it is somewhat the quest for psychological intimacy and a desire to be accepted unconditionally by those we care about which drives us to be discontent with the disparity we call a facade?

    Everyone's mind and personality is unique. If you recognize detrimental patterns of thinking starting to appear, that's just a normal defense mechanism alerting you to do something about them. Many things help, but I've found personally that finding ways to reduce stress and replacing the negative and nonproductive thoughts with positive and productive ones are most helpful.

    If you think you're "going crazy," then that's a good sign that you're not.

    This is probably the first major challenge you've had since the traumatic event. I think in a year, you'll look back at this time as a challenging one which made you stronger and even happier.
    thanks!

    Yes, I realize that having a public face is kind of necissary to get on in society- I doubt I'd ever get hired if I was overly honest or acted like I was feeling at the time

    yeah, it's kind of tough to be in an intimate relationship and keep that part completely hidden, but I KNOW what he's been through in his past and don't want to cause any unnecissary problems for him... he's had a tough life and I don't want to add my inability to function as a normal person to that- it's almost embarassing... for goodness sake, I'm embarassed to admit to anything here

    Substituting negative with positive and staying busy has worked well over the past year- I suppose just finding a healthy outlet for stress now would possibly head off what I fear happening
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #22
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lunalove View Post


    Have you ever helped anyone before? Ever? (I ask for you, not for me! I can tell the answer is, yes!)

    How would you have felt if those people had all denied your help?

    no one can make it alone. No one! That darkness tells us we need to be alone so it can consume is. it LIES! Big time!! Tell it to shut up. Tell it you're handling things, thanks for sharing!

    You don't have to go there! Yes, you ARE a fighter!! Only...you're going to win this time! :-) Now you are armed and dangerous!

    I am off all OCD, ADD/ADHD meds. Please feel free to PM me for my story. You are NOT alone, and you shouldn't be.

    I know it's the most powerful feeling in the world...that darkness, that loathing, that hate, that fear...but it's just not real. Love is the only real thing...hang in there... more luna~
    I feel comfortable helping others... I just kind of feel like putting something like this on them would be a bit more than what I do for them

    and the feelings of guilt are the worst...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #23
    Senior Member lunalove's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I feel comfortable helping others... I just kind of feel like putting something like this on them would be a bit more than what I do for them

    and the feelings of guilt are the worst...
    I used to believe hubby would be better off without me as I casue so many problems, our medical bills were so high...I thoght of ending my life to spare him!

    he loves me! that would have destroyed him!

    see, people really like you and love you and you enhance their life! Even if you come with "side effects"!! Please know that always!! Our world is a better place because you are in it! (I'm not suggesting you're suciidal btw! I'm simply letting you know that the people in your life love and need you like they need air. I know now my husband would be lost without me! Even with all the side effects!)

  4. #24
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    unfortunatly, the facade is me too... it's who I've always been, this craziness shit is just an unfortunate later addition that I can't seem to shake... it's like two irreconcilable sides of the same personality really... the emoticons and fluff are every bit as much me as anything that I hide with them
    NOW the thread can get interesting.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #25
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lunalove View Post
    I used to believe hubby would be better off without me as I casue so many problems, our medical bills were so high...I thoght of ending my life to spare him!

    he loves me! that would have destroyed him!

    see, people really like you and love you and you enhance their life! Even if you come with "side effects"!! Please know that always!! Our world is a better place because you are in it! (I'm not suggesting you're suciidal btw! I'm simply letting you know that the people in your life love and need you like they need air. I know now my husband would be lost without me! Even with all the side effects!)
    His mother already died when he was younger, I'd NEVER want to put him through something like that again... though she was rather mentally unstable (drug addict and from what I've heard borderline pd) which gave him a shitty childhood and I wouldn't want to put him through that either

    I know that it would really mess him up though, so even though the thought of pulling a Virginia Woolfe at the thought of all of that returning can be tempting, I know it would be worse than just sticking around and fighting it
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #26
    Playnerd Timeless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I know that there will be responses of "it's better off just to be honest with people" but that won't work all so well really- I don't WANT anyone's pity and I don't want to be looked at as different, which are bound to be the results of absolute honesty. There's few things worse than pity, which is why, for the most part, I've been silent about these things to the board as well. And despite all of that, I still feel a need to be friendly and pleasant... it's like it's an ingrained part of my personality just as much as the bad part
    Well, I think it is better off to be honest.

    Either way there is always going to be some group of people who will dislike and want nothing to do with you for their own reasons. Why try to avoid that? That's like trying only to have the yin, but not the yang, or more simply that's like wanting 24/7 sunshine from the world and no rain... and who says rain has be to all down and out-ness? I like to play in the rain myself. Either way, no one is perfect, we're all human. I think it's more harmful to keep up a facade then to be honest. Think about this; people will pity or dislike somebody no matter if they are either holding up a facade or being honest. Now, what would be more healthier to do? Personally, I think it's better to be true to you instead of trying to live up to people's never-ending expectations.

    To me, knowing that relieved a huge weight off my shoulders.

    Fuck it, all I can be is me.

    You too... dawg.


  7. #27
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I guess that's just a part of my fighting thing- the thought that maybe if I don't publicly acknowledge it it will just go away and leave me alone... I don't like to be someone that people have to worry about either doing something incredibly stupid or offing myself if things start to go wrong

    and both have been legitimate concerns in the past (even while I was posting here)

    Being honest with myself is probably the first step- as much as I hate it
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #28
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I think one of the questions is, what is the facade and what is you?
    ... I do not think it is nearly that clear-cut, for anyone.

    Most people can't delineate the mask so easily, and they also identify at least partially with what might be conventionally called the "mask," while the self underneath has been in the shadows much of the time and lies partially undiscovered.... the "true self" is not really clear either.

    How would you decide what to keep and what to toss?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #29
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    That's a good question, I know what I've always been, and that's what I put forward... I know what lurks beneath and I'd rather not really bring that out into the light even if it does absorb a lot of energy at times. I'd really rather be identified for being me than having people whisper about me being mentally ill whenever I do something odd

    I really find the idea of introspection to be unpleasant because I KNOW what I'll find, and I don't want to find it... being an extrovert is really a saving grace with things like that- distract myself with the outside and what is outside- let's have bread and circuses while rome burns in a way
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #30
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I really find the idea of introspection to be unpleasant because I KNOW what I'll find, and I don't want to find it... being an extrovert is really a saving grace with things like that- distract myself with the outside and what is outside- let's have bread and circuses while rome burns in a way
    That was actually cool to hear you just come out with that. It's sort of the "theory" of how extroversion would intersect with this situation, but I've never heard an extrovert just come right out like that and say it.

    In contrast, I've noticed extroverts who run, run, run from the inner self but also maintain a purposeful level of unawareness of about it.

    Introverts tend to (well, duh) introspect better but sometimes have trouble wanting to express the inner self outwardly.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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