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Thread: Eye contact

  1. #1
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Default Eye contact

    I'm intrigued by eye contact, and how some people like it and some people hate it. Someone told me once that, generally speaking, women make a lot more eye contact than men do, because women usually view eye contact as a way to show that they're listening actively and that they're involved in the conversation, whereas men, generally speaking, don't make a lot of eye contact because they usually see it as a form of intimidation and it makes them uncomfortable.

    However, I know a lot of men (including an ENFJ and an INTP) who make constant eye contact, and some women (including me*) who don't. So I can't figure it out!

    Does anyone have theories about this? Has anyone read an article that explains it? Is there a definitive answer that I don't know about?

    RSVP!


    *That's why I was inspired to make this thread - when I was re-watching my type question video for the umpteenth time, I noticed that I had even avoided eye contact with the camera!
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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    I personally love eye contact, but with other guys, there's a certain primitive "wanna go bitch" part of the male brain that activates when two guys make eye contact.

    I have a VERY intense stare [see avatar] (which I've been told by past GFs makes me look like I'm reading your mind) which can be a turn off to some.

    Personally, I have an immediate distrust of those who wont, or will only fleetingly make eye contact with me.

    I really think eyes are the windows to the soul, and some houses just have the prettiest windows.

  3. #3
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    I knew an INTP guy whose eye contact could kill me. It was extremely deep and as I generally try to avoid and I dislike deep eye contact it was like a bullet in my head.
    Oh yeah?

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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    ^Distrust?


    I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. But sometimes I do force it so the other person doesn't think I'm not paying attention to what they are saying. I'm just all about sound, just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    ^Distrust?


    I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. But sometimes I do force it so the other person doesn't think I'm not paying attention to what they are saying. I'm just all about sound, just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.
    The distrust only really sets in if I get the feeling that the unwillingness to make eye contact is indicative of the other party trying to hide something from me. I should have been clearer.

  6. #6
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    ^Distrust?
    I dunno. I have a similar problem with my INTP dad, and I'd trust him with anything (except being on time lol). I honestly can't figure it out. When I'm around people like that, I feel like I'm being a wimp, when it's not that I'm afraid of eye contact, but that it can make me feel uncomfortable if it's for longer than, say, five seconds.

    In other words, I agree with everything in the below quote:
    I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. ...just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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    Lol, to be clear, I'm not going around just staring down people. But, when I do make eye contact, I tend to hold the contact for a longer time than many.

  8. #8
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    yeah, not an eye contact person, unless I am drunk. My husband xsfx is crazy eye contact person. It makes me nervous, like people are looking for something in there that I don't want to show- like they're wanting to rummage through my drawers or something. Often i don't trust those so much who like to make lots of eye contact. Not sure how my husband slipped past- but I'm glad he did.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I dunno. I have a similar problem with my INTP dad, and I'd trust him with anything (except being on time lol). I honestly can't figure it out. When I'm around people like that, I feel like I'm being a wimp, when it's not that I'm afraid of eye contact, but that it can make me feel uncomfortable if it's for longer than, say, five seconds.

    In other words, I agree with everything in the below quote:
    I don't like when people stare in general at other people. I find it rude, not scary or distrustful. So when someone does stare at me...I tend to stare back until they look away.

  10. #10
    Senior Member BlueGray's Avatar
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    Most of the time i'm making eye contact it's because of intimidation/societal expectations. Eye contact takes my focus off the topic and onto the vision of the person. I find it strange how much people try to get me to make eye contact/pay attention when the eye contact lessens my attention.
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