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Eye contact

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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I'm intrigued by eye contact, and how some people like it and some people hate it. Someone told me once that, generally speaking, women make a lot more eye contact than men do, because women usually view eye contact as a way to show that they're listening actively and that they're involved in the conversation, whereas men, generally speaking, don't make a lot of eye contact because they usually see it as a form of intimidation and it makes them uncomfortable.

However, I know a lot of men (including an ENFJ and an INTP) who make constant eye contact, and some women (including me*) who don't. So I can't figure it out!

Does anyone have theories about this? Has anyone read an article that explains it? Is there a definitive answer that I don't know about?

RSVP! :)


*That's why I was inspired to make this thread - when I was re-watching my type question video for the umpteenth time, I noticed that I had even avoided eye contact with the camera!
 

DiscoBiscuit

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I personally love eye contact, but with other guys, there's a certain primitive "wanna go bitch" part of the male brain that activates when two guys make eye contact.

I have a VERY intense stare [see avatar] (which I've been told by past GFs makes me look like I'm reading your mind) which can be a turn off to some.

Personally, I have an immediate distrust of those who wont, or will only fleetingly make eye contact with me.

I really think eyes are the windows to the soul, and some houses just have the prettiest windows. :blush:
 

theadoor

*hmmms*
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I knew an INTP guy whose eye contact could kill me. It was extremely deep and as I generally try to avoid and I dislike deep eye contact it was like a bullet in my head.
 

Moiety

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^Distrust?


I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. But sometimes I do force it so the other person doesn't think I'm not paying attention to what they are saying. I'm just all about sound, just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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^Distrust?


I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. But sometimes I do force it so the other person doesn't think I'm not paying attention to what they are saying. I'm just all about sound, just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.

The distrust only really sets in if I get the feeling that the unwillingness to make eye contact is indicative of the other party trying to hide something from me. I should have been clearer.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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^Distrust?
I dunno. I have a similar problem with my INTP dad, and I'd trust him with anything (except being on time :laugh: lol). I honestly can't figure it out. When I'm around people like that, I feel like I'm being a wimp, when it's not that I'm afraid of eye contact, but that it can make me feel uncomfortable if it's for longer than, say, five seconds.

In other words, I agree with everything in the below quote:
I personally don't like to stare at another person's eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. ...just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not hearing and listening.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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Lol, to be clear, I'm not going around just staring down people. But, when I do make eye contact, I tend to hold the contact for a longer time than many.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
yeah, not an eye contact person, unless I am drunk. My husband xsfx is crazy eye contact person. It makes me nervous, like people are looking for something in there that I don't want to show- like they're wanting to rummage through my drawers or something. Often i don't trust those so much who like to make lots of eye contact. Not sure how my husband slipped past- but I'm glad he did.
 

Moiety

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I dunno. I have a similar problem with my INTP dad, and I'd trust him with anything (except being on time :laugh: lol). I honestly can't figure it out. When I'm around people like that, I feel like I'm being a wimp, when it's not that I'm afraid of eye contact, but that it can make me feel uncomfortable if it's for longer than, say, five seconds.

In other words, I agree with everything in the below quote:

I don't like when people stare in general at other people. I find it rude, not scary or distrustful. So when someone does stare at me...I tend to stare back until they look away.
 

BlueGray

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Most of the time i'm making eye contact it's because of intimidation/societal expectations. Eye contact takes my focus off the topic and onto the vision of the person. I find it strange how much people try to get me to make eye contact/pay attention when the eye contact lessens my attention.
 

Lady_X

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I personally love eye contact, but with other guys, there's a certain primitive "wanna go bitch" part of the male brain that activates when two guys make eye contact.
wow really? that is crazy to me!
 

Lady_X

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that's crazy...like cuckoo crazy. i'm an eye contact person tho usually...unless i'm in scattered mumbly mode.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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that's crazy...like cuckoo crazy. i'm an eye contact person tho usually...unless i'm in scattered mumbly mode.

If you've ever heard of the term "mean muggin", it basically means staring at another guy with a malicious (salty) look.

Many a barroom brawl has started over one guy not liking the look of another guy.

It's funny, as far as girls are concerned, two things make my heart go all aflutter, the first being when a girl will hold my gaze unwaveringly as if to say "what of it", the second being when a bashful girl can only hold it for a second but then blushes and turns away.
 

Totenkindly

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I've always made eye contact with people when they're talking... unless I'm trying to signal them to "piss off." ha ha!

I've always been that way, too. For me, I was giving them a signal that I cared about what they were saying, plus I can watch them and absorb all the cues they are putting off... not just the words themselves.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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Here is a pretty good example of the hardcore ENTJ stare down.

009.jpg
 

tastes_like_purple

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Eye contact is okay as long as the person looking at you blinks a couple of times otherwise im like get out of my face freak D: :shock:

I tend to make alot of eye contact but i know how to apply it with different people to get the best results:devil:
 

Lady_X

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neptunesnet

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Here is a pretty good example of the hardcore ENTJ stare down.

AH!

:eek:

Oh man, that was scary!

Don't frighten me like that, Biscuit.

You know my little INFP heart can't take those demented and soul-destroying ENTJ eyes of yours.

That was simply

too.

much.
 

yvonne

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when i'm very comfortable with someone, i enjoy long eye contact. i always do it, though, but i suppose i look away more than i look the other person in the eyes, normally.

i find it easier to be around extroverts irl, because they sort of loosen me up with their social skills. i haven't met many extroverts who are uncomfortable with eye contact.
 
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