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Thread: Eye contact

  1. #91
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Eye contact is pretty useful. You can read a lot about a person by making eye contact with them (body language, facial expression, non-verbal things). It's also a good way to say, "Hey bitch, pay attention to me. I don't want to waste my time talking to you only to have you not listen." However, some cultures find maintaining eye contact as rude and defiant (like you're challenging them), so be careful.

    I prefer not to use it though, it's extremely taxing on your energy. I only make eye contact during the initiation of the conversation and when you say something interesting.

  2. #92
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Here is a pretty good example of the hardcore ENTJ stare down.

    Are you sure it isn't just gas, DiscoBiscuit???

    I have been told on many occassions that my level of eye-contact is "intense" or "intimidating" which shocks me every time. I'm just looking at the person becuase I am paying attention. If I'm not looking, I'm probably not listening Interestingly, a woman had never made a comment one way or the other about my level of eye-contact. Maybe you boys just scare easily
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  3. #93
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    It's sort of like the saying "Look me in the eye and tell me the truth"

    Looking away or down, especially when you're making a point will weaken it considerably. I have to keep reminding myself of this whenever I have to make a public presentation.

    I think the only time I feel odd maintaining eye contact is when the other person is embarassed or hurt and wants to avoid talking about the current subject. I find it strange especially when an interviewer confronts someone and just keeps at it when it is clear that the other person just wishes he/she were left alone.
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  4. #94
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    Are you sure it isn't just gas, DiscoBiscuit???

    I have been told on many occassions that my level of eye-contact is "intense" or "intimidating" which shocks me every time. I'm just looking at the person becuase I am paying attention. If I'm not looking, I'm probably not listening Interestingly, a woman had never made a comment one way or the other about my level of eye-contact. Maybe you boys just scare easily
    If you saw it in person you wouldn't be smiling...

    I really do get a sense of someone when I can see their eyes. And I feel like my knowing gaze can be unsettling.

    I actually think that my enneagram type is what gives me such intensity. 8w9's are often described as simmering volcanoes. It's this underlying reservoir of emotion that makes us so intense and visceral in person.

    But then again I'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to all this psychology stuff. *shrugs*

  5. #95
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kingfisher View Post
    when my wife makes eye contact she is looking for something inside the other person, some kind of fundamental part of that person.
    whereas when i make eye contact i am more relating to that person through myself, so i think eye contact for me is about looking for something inside myself that will pull us together.
    I really like this distinction. That is what I do when I make eye contact with someone. I'm mainly letting them know I care, I guess. But I'm also just trying to absorb everything I can of them; using the eyes as a focal point but trying to glean why they are saying what they are saying, how they feel talking to me in that moment, how they feel about what they are saying, how they feel about me listening to them, etc. And I'm not the best listener in the end, and perhaps it is because I'm really thinking all these damn things in my head, and trying to analyze the person's state of being, and I just don't expend enough energy just listening to what they are saying.

    I can do eye contact when the conversation is about the other person; when the other person is more the subject or is talking. But when the conversation turns on to me, I find it too much to not only talk about myself, but to look someone in the eyes while I'm doing it. I feel just too vulnerable, too shy, I guess.
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  6. #96
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    Discobiscuit! Haha! That "hardcore" ENTJ staredown is pretty funny. I had no idea but I recently discovered that when I am solving a problem I get a look that is pretty close to your pic on my face. I had a student ask me if I was angry with them. I was surprised becase they were taking a test and I was (or thought I was) staring off into space trying to figure out a problem with work. I found out that day that I apparently "stare" intensely at people when I am trying to figure things out but it doens't really have anything to do with that person . . . maybe that is what gives ENTJs such a bad rap . . . . and here I thought i was all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

  7. #97
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Sticks View Post
    Thinking about eye contact makes me want to sigh. If I look at someone in the eyes I tend to space out and stare at there eyes, but if I engage there words in a more thoughtful manner I end up not looking at them much. Then there is also the fact that when someone looks away I tend to look at them and when they look at me I have an instinct to want to look away. Sometimes I will just walk around staring at people though anyway and I have noticed people read the aggressive instinct of it and will often not approach me; I tend to do this when I know an extroverted type is going to ask me to do something and they will, more often than not, not approach me. It's quite effective, but I'm probably coming off as a bit angry and scary at the same time even though it is just an act.

    When people make eye contact and communicate, do they usually try to read the other person to figure out what to say and how to act and show expressions?
    The bolded part is exactly what I do. If you tell me to look you in the eyes, I can, but it isn't my natural instinct, and since I'm a very private person, it feels like I'm an open book to them. I tend to space out whether or not I have eye contact, though, if the person doesn't bring anything to the conversation. My natural mode is in my head, yes I am withholding things, but those things are unrelated to reasons why I am not showing eye contact. They're just private things. From that view of it, reading posts from Halla or Biscuit makes me wonder if they're exhibitionists - I just grumble because they're view has the popular backing of society, so I can't explain my side to most people without seeming like a flake or untrustworthy.
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  8. #98
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
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    I make eye contact to try and see what people are feeling and/or really thinking. I do it a lot, in fact I worry about sometimes making too much eye contact with people. I get weird looks..

    So I don't have a problem with it unless I'm trying to hide something... and on the overall, I am not hiding anything from the world.

    So I imagine that people that hate eye contact are most likely hiding something from everyone...

  9. #99
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    BEFORE stare down with JoSunshine:

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    AFTER stare down with JoSunshine:

    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

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    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #100
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Wierd thing is after reading this thread it occurred to me to try out eye contact, which it hadn't really before.

    When you're conscious of doing it and know how long to do it for, and initiate/end it at your own will, it's quite fun.
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