Empathic Perspectives

[Lady_X]

Lots of heavy stuff going on here that i think is very important to look at...thought it might make for interesting discussion.

Empathic Perspectives: False Love

not just this article...check out some of the others too.

oh and for fun a quiz... What kind of Empath are you? | Quizfarm.com

 

[Lady_X]

quiz results

 

[kiddykat]

I completely agree with the signs of false love.. I think it's always been a part of my bullshit radar that I feel inside when I see x,y,z from that list when it happens IRL.

Regarding Empaths and Lynda? *sigh* I think it usually happens when there isn't a clear distinction of boundaries, and the persons involved haven't dealt with unresolved issues that somehow manages to resurface.

In other words, I think an empath will project their love and leave when they don't quite have an in-depth understanding about themselves, and their motives behind their own actions. It's sort of like an impulsive behavior that she doesn't quite recognize, because the response that she learned is somewhat gratifying.. until- it reaches its breaking point- in the e.g.- she walks out on the guy, and similar scenarios will probably play out into a pattern until she recognizes that cycle, and then decides to break it? That's the impression I get. Perhaps a solution for Lynda would be to ask herself why she's consciously head over heals for that person, and whether or not her attachment is based on a feeling of mutuality, or asymmetry, a need to give love and not receive in return, & whether or not her attachment's associated with the parental figure she had most conflict with? Why and how?

 

[Lady_X]

have you felt that? have you felt both real and fake and how do you know the difference...for you? if you don't mind me asking...

this one is interesting too
Empathic Perspectives: Love

 

[kiddykat]

Great question.. I guess for me, if it feels ingenuine/inauthentic, then I can tell that it's not going to last.

Ex- if a couple has to overextend or overexxagerate how much they love each other, power control, etc. etc. "Oh I love you babe" (kissing, hugging 24/7, announcing to the world), a feeling as though the bond is forced, hero, protector, savior kind of relationships (imbalance). Basically, I just get this vibe that somehow both partners just aren't being true to themselves, and when a couple lies to themselves, it kinda shows through their nonverbal behavior during their interactions. The truth eventually reveals itself.

Basically, a relationship based on true love to me (a healthy kind) is more fluid, mutual, natural, and has a sense of innocence and vibrancy about it where the couple doesn't need to *prove* to others or themselves that it is *real.* It's real, because it's real, and they accept one another whole-heartedly for it. There's a sense of peace/completion about the bond that I perceive.

If this makes any sense, whatsover.. *blush*

Edit- then again,the topic of love is culturally sensitive. it's not to say that if a relationship isn't based on true love that it won't last. It won't be as quite as a happy union, I guess. Sometimes couples marry for pragmatic reasons where they don't even like each other but stick it out, because they're dedicated- perhaps toxic/unhealthy, but whatever floats their boats. In some cultures, love has different meanings and serves different purposes (as in collectivistic cultures ex- agrarian societies where emphasis is on family/community rather than individuality).

 

[Lady_X]

it does yeah. it is about knowing deep down what's authentic and what isn't...listening to yourself always... even if it's something you don't want to hear for whatever reason...being painfully honest with yourself.

 

[ajblaise]

How about false hate? When an Emotional Empath hates someone for their perceived hate towards them?

I think I've gotten that before. But I didn't hate them!

 

[Lady_X]

haha i looked and saw something on hate but it wasn't quite that...maybe it could work that way tho if they truly believed you hated them...what an odd concept. i've never hated anyone.

here's what this has to say about hate tho if you're interested.
Empathic Perspectives: Hate

 

[ajblaise]

haha i looked and saw something on hate but it wasn't quite that...maybe it could work that way tho if they truly believed you hated them...what an odd concept. i've never hated anyone.

here's what this has to say about hate tho if you're interested.
Empathic Perspectives: Hate

Lady X, I hate you. Truly believe that.

 

[Mole]

Lots of heavy stuff going on here that i think is very important to look at...thought it might make for interesting discussion.

Empathic Perspectives: False Love

not just this article...check out some of the others too.

oh and for fun a quiz... What kind of Empath are you? | Quizfarm.com

Widening the question beyond love, the problem is that we deceive ourselves.

Socrates realised this three thousand years ago and for his pains he was given hemlock, for there is nothing more precious to ourselves than our self deceptions.

For instance the very word, 'empath', is suspect for not only is it a made up word, it is flattering. And flattery will get you anywhere.

I can remember visiting the back ward of the Psychiatric hospital, and listening to the delusions of schizophrenics. And being disorientated to hear schizophrenics validating the delusions of other schizophrenics. And this is precisely what we do to one another's self deceptions - we validate them - as it seems only polite and even 'empathic' to validate one another's self deceptions.

In fact it is socially dangerous not to validate one another's self deceptions - just look at what happened to Socrates.

But the situation is even worse because our national life is based on group fantasy. And to analyse our group fantasies and ask for evidence is seen as un-Australian.

Thank heavens we still have free speech and a free press. But today offence is taken by some sections of our community when group fantasies are criticised.

And today such offence is met by violence across the globe.

This is beyond sad and is dangerous particularly as nuclear weapons, chemical and biological weapons, not to mention conventional arms and bombs, are falling into the hands of the offended.

Fortunately we still have the example of Socrates from three thousand years ago, and we have the Enlightenment from the sixteenth and seventeen centuries that sought to replace individual self deception and group fantasies with evidence and reason.

And today even love is based on mutual validation. And the confidence tricksters declare themselves to be empaths without evidence or reason.

But when you bet on a horse race, always back the horse called, "Self Interest", because you know they are trying to win.

 

[Lady_X]

Lady X, I hate you. Truly believe that.

haha!! no you don't...don't underestimate my emotional empathy...i see all!!

 

[Lady_X]

interesting victor...so love is only really felt when it's not about you or validation...and dreams or ideals should not be validated as worthy without what...?

 

[ajblaise]

don't underestimate my emotional empathy...i see all!!

I think that's what I hate about you most of all.

 

[Lady_X]

I think that's what I hate about you most of all.

right no...i totally feel where you're comin from man...right there with you...i know and understand that feeling...believe me...but it's not hate or i'd know

 

[sculpting]

How about false hate? When an Emotional Empath hates someone for their perceived hate towards them?

I think I've gotten that before. But I didn't hate them!

There is this hysterical dilbert cartoon my INTJ friend gave me.

Dilberts little chunky friend: Hey what's up with Tina, she seems mad at you?

Dilbert: Well she thought I did something mean to her, but even after she found out I didnt, she is still harboring residual anger.

Dilberts little chunky friend: Hmmm, I wonder what it's like having squirrels in your brain?

Just give us new data and a couple of days to reprocess and you should be good. Fi takes time.

 

[Mole]

interesting victor...so love is only really felt when it's not about you or validation...and dreams or ideals should not be validated as worthy without what...?

All of us feel passionately about our self deceptions and group fantasies, as Blackmail has recently been pointing out.

But the depth of our passion or our amour propre is no measure of what we love.

And of course what we love, grows. So it is vital to know what it is we love.

And when we love another person they grow as a person. And when we are loved, we grow too. So it is vital to till the garden of love just as it is vital to know what we plant.

Blackmail is an architect of the landscape, and so we should take him as a model as we plant the landscape of love.

 

[ajblaise]

All of us feel passionately about our self deceptions and group fantasies.....

I was just about 95% sure you were gonna bring up MBTI.

 

[Lark]

I'm a balanced Empath, I couldnt the share function to work either for here or Facebook.

You know this is how Red Dragon opens with Hannibal discerning that the officer investigating cannibal killings, nominally with his assistance as a psychological profiler but actually with suspiscions he is responsible, is an empath. He says to the guy that this must make life difficult for him as he can experience the emotions and minds of the psychos he tracks but yet must remain sane himself.

This is something I concur with, I've had a bit of skill in this and I've sought to develop it with training and my own reading and its helped me work with some pretty troubled people but you need to be careful because you can start to manifest their thinking and behaviour. I tend to find I'm pretty resilient though and time off allows the proper return to my self.

The Lector books, particularly the first one which is criticised, probably rightly, for being a bit of a mess are supposed to be a bit about how people who qualify as empaths or lack developed conscience self-regulate, in the first one Lector is a brilliant empath but also has no conscience, he attempts to regulate by insisting he only preys upon the "rude", while the "Tooth Fairy" has no conscience and doesnt try to regulate himself at all the one opportunity he has for normality results in a splitting of his persona and he "kills" his "self" prefering the conscienceless "dragon" persona, while the investigator is the empath who can and does experience that lack of conscience but does regulate himself.

I tend to find it interesting because the "born" series of comics which are a prelude to the Punisher series demonstrate how at the end of the Vietnam war Frank Castle was in the same position as the cop in Red Dragon, his family were his own external stabiliser and these were lost, resulting in him becoming the stalker-killer which is the Punisher. Although I dont think any of the films succeeded in portraying this and few of the comics succeeded in writing in this vein without totally demonising the character.

 

[Lady_X]

that's confusing me...so you are saying it is not the depth that matters only the truth of what we see?

 

[Lady_X]

I'm a balanced Empath, I couldnt the share function to work either for here or Facebook.

You know this is how Red Dragon opens with Hannibal discerning that the officer investigating cannibal killings, nominally with his assistance as a psychological profiler but actually with suspiscions he is responsible, is an empath. He says to the guy that this must make life difficult for him as he can experience the emotions and minds of the psychos he tracks but yet must remain sane himself.

This is something I concur with, I've had a bit of skill in this and I've sought to develop it with training and my own reading and its helped me work with some pretty troubled people but you need to be careful because you can start to manifest their thinking and behaviour. I tend to find I'm pretty resilient though and time off allows the proper return to my self.

The Lector books, particularly the first one which is criticised, probably rightly, for being a bit of a mess are supposed to be a bit about how people who qualify as empaths or lack developed conscience self-regulate, in the first one Lector is a brilliant empath but also has no conscience, he attempts to regulate by insisting he only preys upon the "rude", while the "Tooth Fairy" has no conscience and doesnt try to regulate himself at all the one opportunity he has for normality results in a splitting of his persona and he "kills" his "self" prefering the conscienceless "dragon" persona, while the investigator is the empath who can and does experience that lack of conscience but does regulate himself.

I tend to find it interesting because the "born" series of comics which are a prelude to the Punisher series demonstrate how at the end of the Vietnam war Frank Castle was in the same position as the cop in Red Dragon, his family were his own external stabiliser and these were lost, resulting in him becoming the stalker-killer which is the Punisher. Although I dont think any of the films succeeded in portraying this and few of the comics succeeded in writing in this vein without totally demonising the character.

that is interesting. i never watched red dragon..i can't really watch movies that put you inside twisted minds like that. it screws with me way too much...as an empath i guess...ha weird.