Self Worth

[Lethal Sage]

How do you regain self worth? What is the process and are there any good materials on it? Have you lost yours? If so, how have you regained it, or are you still stuck with low self-esteem?

 

[disregard]

Getting away from negative forces, making better decisions, strengthening the ties of your social network, working, partaking in your hobbies, respecting others, exercising.

 

[Halla74]

Getting away from negative forces, making better decisions, strengthening the ties of your social network, working, partaking in your hobbies, respecting others, exercising.

Excellent recommendations^

I've never had a lack of self worth, and I have done the items disregard noted above consistently throughout my life.

 

[ceecee]

How do you regain self worth? What is the process and are there any good materials on it? Have you lost yours? If so, how have you regained it, or are you still stuck with low self-esteem?

I definitely agree with cutting off ties to anyone and anything that's pulling you down, no matter how close they are or how hard it is. I've never had a self-esteem issue. Then again I don't allow anyone/anything to mess with it either.

 

[SillySapienne]

Well, consider yourself lucky, for some, there is no self-worth to gain for they've never even had it. :sad:

I remember, it's a type of meditation, but I remember who I am, and why I am essentially a good person.

People are different, I get a large chunk of my self-worth intrinsically, so that's where I go to retrieve it, i.e inside.

But, doing the Right thing(s) and surrounding yourself with the Right people never hurt no one.

 

[Litvyak]

Getting away from negative forces, making better decisions, strengthening the ties of your social network, working, partaking in your hobbies, respecting others, exercising.

Doing everything listed here should work. Working, hobbies, better decisions etc. are not as important in themselves as the others - exercising and socializing seem to be the key.
Plus, it's hard to respect others if you don't respect yourself.
(I'd say it is hard even then)

 

[Fidelia]

Find people whose lives you can put into.

Make it a habit to look at what you are thankful for and what you have.

Surround yourself with people that you wish to be like instead of people that you feel better than.

Approach people rather than waiting for them to approach you.

Recognize what outward symptoms reflect your inward feelings about yourself.
Changing some of those often goes a long way towards sparking inward change.

Acquire all the skills you can from anyone around you that you can.

Find people you that are trustworthy and be vulnerable and accountable to them. Practice both relying on them and being someone they can rely on.

Make positive decisions every day (even as simple as making your bed) which become habits. Habits eventually combine to become a part of who you are and come together to develop your character (who you are even when other people aren't around).

Understand that confidence, character and communication skills are very affected by one another. If you are lacking in one of those areas, it will significant affect the other two. Therfore by buildilng character and communication skills, you will also become more confident.

Do some kind of work every day that you can feel proud of.

Take care of your body.

Make conscious decisions about what you put into your mind and what you let your thoughts focus on.

If you have done things that you are ashamed of, make amends in whatever ways you can and then find a way to extract something out of your experience that can benefit someone else. In this case, confession is good for the soul.

 

[disregard]

Third time's a charm.

 

[Fidelia]

Stupid computer!

 

[Eckhart]

I kinda lack self-esteem at the moment. It is not that I wouldn't know I am not worth being loved or respected. I know I have my qualities as a human being, I know I have some abilities and skills other maybe don't have. But I seem to be not able to show everything to other people as I would sometimes like to anymore. At least thats why I think people seem to more or less have dropped me from the time I didn't obligatory see them nearly every day anyway.

I think the reason for that is that I started being very depressed in my last school year due to several heavy weighing life events which happened all in a short time. In that time I could see how friends at school seemed to drift away from me. I never talked with someone about my problems, and I think people didn't understand why I behaved different. I isolated myself from others slowly, and others didn't try to help me either.

Now I always try to think to myself that I am a love-worthy person and that I just have to trust other people again, but I am not able to. I realize that even the most stupid idiots have friends which are more or less helping him, and I don't have. I know I am better than those idiots, but I am not able to show other people much of it because I am so closed into myself and isolated. And the knowing of it actually makes it even harder to get out of it like a doom loop.

It is not the thing that I don't know what to do without other people, but it nags on my self-esteem and it hurts me to be left alone by all people which I liked, and that those people actually do care for other people but just not for me.

I currently have not much energy to do anything. I sometimes have ideas what I would want to do, but I cannot bring me to start things very easily. I need someone to push me, but then mostly I actually manage to do things. At least.

I know I sound very sad and negative in that post and apologise for it, but thats actually how I feel right now. It helps me a bit to write about it.

 

[surgery]

Perhaps realizing that there is no one you should be other than yourself. The best thing you can do might be to follow your passions, pursue what you know you can do well, in order to try an help others.
Everything is usually just perception -- not an absolute truth -- so it's impossible to tell what's good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse. Instead, allow compassion, humility and responsibility guides to your actions.
Also, you don't need a reason to help other people, if they are willing to receive it.

As others have recommended, take care of yourself. There is no reason to be ashamed of what you were given in life, so long as you do your best with what you have.
For this reason, you have a right to not be criticized or looked down upon because you are "not good enough" by whatever measure.

 

[surgery]

I think the reason for that is that I started being very depressed in my last school year due to several heavy weighing life events which happened all in a short time. In that time I could see how friends at school seemed to drift away from me. I never talked with someone about my problems, and I think people didn't understand why I behaved different. I isolated myself from others slowly, and others didn't try to help me either.

Now I always try to think to myself that I am a love-worthy person and that I just have to trust other people again, but I am not able to.

So, you feel abandoned by your friends? Are you hurt that they didn't reach out more when you started to behave differently? If that's the case, then I can honestly imagine why you feel so lonely. However, perhaps it's still up to you do make the choice to actively seek their companionship again. I don't want to sound mean, but it doesn't seem realistic for people put their lives on hold, so to speak.

PersonalityPage can probably explain this better than me:

Think of the people who are closest to you. As you think of each person, tell yourself "this person has their own life going on, and they are more concerned with their own life than they are with mine." Remember that this doesn't mean that they don't care about you. It's the natural order of things. Try to visualize what that person is doing right now. What things are they encountering, what thoughts are they having? Don't pass judgment, or compare their situation to your own.

(INFP Personal Growth)


You're probably right. You're friends probably didn't understand why you isolated yourself. Perhaps, they saw this as a form of rejection and were thus hesitant to reach out because they never saw any signs that you wanted help. Obviously, I don't know the details or understand everything perfectly. I am just trying to give a helpful perspective.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

How do you regain self worth? What is the process and are there any good materials on it? Have you lost yours? If so, how have you regained it, or are you still stuck with low self-esteem?

To be honest, anything I say will fuck you up. Why? Because you can't really have genuine self-worth if you're stuck trying to control your mind and juggle your thoughts into a pleasing, satisfying arrangement. That's just a form of mental control and absorption.

And that absorption is what's tripping you up by feeding you ideals, judgments, and priorities. You have to get OUT of your thoughts to appreciate yourself, to see yourself as you really are with strengths and flaws, and to accept the fact that you have flaws without being embarrassed or trying to hide them or justify them. Self-esteem grows from being honest. Not honest in an intellectual way where you take mental notes about who you are, fit yourself into some psychological framework (MBTI, for instance) or compare yourself to others to delineate your differences. Honest where you step out of your mind and be with yourself, feeling what you're feeling right now (even if it's just confusion) without trying to get anywhere, without trying to modify yourself, without trying to enhance yourself so you match some mental ideal.

You may want to check out this book.

 

[Lethal Sage]

To be honest, anything I say will fuck you up. Why? Because you can't really have genuine self-worth if you're stuck trying to control your mind and juggle your thoughts into a pleasing, satisfying arrangement. That's just a form of mental control and absorption.

And that absorption is what's tripping you up by feeding you ideals, judgments, and priorities. You have to get OUT of your thoughts to appreciate yourself, to see yourself as you really are with strengths and flaws, and to accept the fact that you have flaws without being embarrassed or trying to hide them or justify them. Self-esteem grows from being honest. Not honest in an intellectual way where you take mental notes about who you are, fit yourself into some psychological framework (MBTI, for instance) or compare yourself to others to delineate your differences. Honest where you step out of your mind and be with yourself, feeling what you're feeling right now (even if it's just confusion) without trying to get anywhere, without trying to modify yourself, without trying to enhance yourself so you match some mental ideal.

You may want to check out this book.

Aha

I'll check out the book.

SO, in summation:

 

[Windigo]

Once, right after high school, I was in a bad place because my plans for my life fizzled in a horrible way. I was down on myself because I felt like I should be doing SOMETHING, but I didn't know what. I broke away from a hiking expedition and climbed a mountain all by myself. I spent a wonderful afternoon listening to the wind and gaining some perspective on my life realizing that I was sick and tired of doing what I should do according to other people. I took the LOT of heat for going maverick but it energized me somehow.

Currently, I need another mountain to climb because once again I am without direction, every usual social network has been removed from my life by circumstances I have had no control over. A friend just told me yesterday, you are the kind of person who can't just live day to day. You need some sort of purpose to feel like your daily existence means something. It was like an epiphany!

Find what out what ministers to your heart and gives you the passion to want to work hard and your self-worth will follow.

It doesn't necessarily have to be people. When I lack self-worth, it's hard for me to feed people, it just clouds the air with their problems and prolongs the inevitable.

Don't worry, you'll find it.

 

[Windigo]

Oh, and most importantly . . .

FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

SO, in summation:

Precisely.

 

[Lethal Sage]

I hear that. Forgiving oneself is a hard task indeed.

 

[William K]

Try reframing some of the things that are bringing you down. Self-doubt is a big part of not appreciating yourself. What you perceive as something negative in yourself or your life can often be a positive if you only look at it from a different light.

 

[kiddykat]

IDK.. for me, self-worth ties in with feelings of guilt vs. no guilt. It's hard for me to separate it from my values/principles. In other words, if I do something that I know will hurt others, I'd feel like complete shit about myself. If I do something where I think will benefit the majority of the people, then I feel better. In a way, it has more to do with feeling as though I'm treating others in a more egalitarian way? Verses being motivated primarily by self-interest/selfishness/greed? I think having a healthy balance of taking care of myself/others is what keeps my self-worth in check. I see human relationships as integrated with one another. How we treat each other effects how other parts of society/social aspects function within the whole.. even though it's not as evident from a superficial point of view.

Simple, but confusing- golden rule for me I guess? Yeah..