How confusing, right?Entering the room, he quickly scanned the people in proximity with an emotionless detachment, a way to gauge the possible danger of feeling like an open book and determine which people are safe to talk nonchalantly with.
As he thought about what he might say, the fear of past negative feelings were remembered. It was uncertainty about how the thoughts would be received. If he put enthusiastic and honest thought and effort in his words and they are thought stupid and offensive, he will feel instinctively greatly disappointed and stupid. If they are thought smart, he will feel instinctively good, but fearful and paranoid that the people praising are dangerous to him and feeling good is a lie; this is because any praise suggests others are playing favorites (which he believes is the only stupid thing a person can do because it leads to bias) and suggests that he now has an image to uphold (which he believes is the only dumb thing he can do to himself because this will lead to bias). This leaves a paradox of wanting to remain neutral, yet wanting to connect at the same time (which usually requires one take a stance or side and not remain neutral), and not wanting to feel bad, but not letting self enjoy feeling good either. This often leads to incredible hesitancy in anything social because he is aware of and so critical of all of these inconsistencies in human behavior that everything he does feels like a lie and he fears never being able to find anyone like himself, never fitting in with anyone, feeling akin to anyone, ever.
??? Is this MBTi categorizable?
If not, honestly, how do you or one reconsile such feelings?