User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 11

  1. #1
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default Too high expectations...

    ...and the constant feeling of disappointment. Feels like a curse. Is there a cure?

    This topic could include the experiences of people from either side. People who have too high expectations for others and people who have felt the pressure of others. How did/do you handle such a thing?

  2. #2
    mrs disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    7,855

    Default

    The cure is to become more realistic (cynical?)

    Lower your standards and your blood pressure will go with it

  3. #3
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Lowering your standards isn't something that just can be done. As a rational, the only way I can alter my standards is through sheer deduction. The positives and negatives, the morals and values. And the various outcomes for wielding a different set of standards.

    As an NF I would assume that if you're not happy with your current standards, that should be sufficient reason to work on changing them though.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  4. #4
    mrs disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    7,855

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Lowering your standards isn't something that just can be done. As a rational, the only way I can alter my standards is through sheer deduction.
    That's exactly what I'm talking about.

  5. #5
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    That's exactly what I'm talking about.
    Actually, it has nothing to do with being more realistic. To one person, high expectations can be more realistic, but for another low expectations can be. Ultimatly, you have to stand behind your standards. You need to have your reasons and you need to be able to accept the level of your standards.

    It's not like you can just lower them by becoming more cynical, because that wouldn't work. Wouldn't make you any happier.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  6. #6
    mrs disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    7,855

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Actually, it has nothing to do with being more realistic. To one person, high expectations can be more realistic, but for another low expectations can be. Ultimatly, you have to stand behind your standards. You need to have your reasons and you need to be able to accept the level of your standards.

    It's not like you can just lower them by becoming more cynical, because that wouldn't work. Wouldn't make you any happier.
    Well I wasn't thinking about very important things when I told the OP to lower his/her standards.

    If you're constantly feeling disappointed by the same source (friend, SO, job) then that is not the best course of action.

    I was thinking about being annoyed by bad drivers, being disappointed by flaky, insincere acquaintances.. that sort of thing. Things that bug me personally.

  7. #7
    Member Penda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    68

    Default

    I think sometimes standards are unreasonable. Especially if you are an idealist and the real world doesn't come close to how you wish things would be. This has caused me a lot of trouble and I am currently trying to realign my expectations for the sake of my own sanity. Every time I have a thought that things aren't good enough or that I'm not enough good, I try to correct it. Bloody difficult though.
    There are miles to go before I sleep...

  8. #8
    ThatGirl
    Guest

    Default

    The only time your expectations can be too high is when your self esteem is too low.

  9. #9
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    As an Fi dom I used to have incredibly high expectations of others when it came to what my code of life philosophy, ethics, politics, etc. Nobody could meet it. It was very lonely. As an extravert and some kind of sx/so or so/sx it's *painful* being lonely.

    What happened? After some years (not a joke) I realized that it wasn't other people's disappointing weakness that was the problem. The problem wasn't even my Fi or my sense of ethics or "rightness".

    The problem was my unyielding grip on this non-real world tested "code of life" that I was basically holding up like a 10 foot pole between myself and other people.

    And I was tired of being lonely. Of not having that *connection* with people that I need.

    So I eased up and decided to try to keep my barriers down and try to appreciate people as people. You know that corny term "appreciating the humanity in people"? You can appreciate the basic goodness, courtesy, good intentions of people who you otherwise do not agree with.

    More *real world* life experience and real life experience connecting and understanding people radically reformulated my Fi code. You need expectations for the real world to guide you to live the best life possible and surround yourself with the "best people" possible for how you want to live your life. Expectations should not to be purely academic or purely hypothetical.

    Those kind of expectations are a total misapplication of the original purpose of having expectations.

    Soooo, I guess in a nutshell that's how I dealt with it. I don't feel I compromised my ethics or my expectations and actually getting to know so many people has actually strengthened some of the values and views I already held. But now my expectations are battle tested and not just hypothetical. So it makes me more confident in going out into the world (not cynical, not naive, not tentative) and I have a better idea of what to reasonably expect from people.

    Hope this made sense. It's late and it's a snow day!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #10
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    I have a problem with this. I hope or imagine that something will be sooo amazing, and then it inevitably disappoints me. I will also idealize people and then become disappointed when the bubble bursts.

    My cure for these feelings is exercising empathy, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and trying to see a different angle on what has disappointed me. I am less critical of flaws in people or people-run things when I put myself in their shoes; and if I am able to see something in an improved light and create better possibilities to work towards, then it feels less disheartening. Basically, my ideals become fluid and adaptable, or I see the situation as a challenge for me to make the best of. Basically, idealism conquers idealism .

    Cynicism is not good for me (although I certainly wind up there sometimes). Unless I am simply being humorous, cynicism arises out of dashed idealism and is just a symptom of depression for me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] Do NTs often feel that they have too-high expectations?
    By Rache in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 03-28-2013, 08:27 AM
  2. [NF] NF(P): too-much expectations, yet little work?
    By niki in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 12-05-2008, 02:12 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO