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  1. #1
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Default I suck, you suck...let's scare each other!

    So at the same time I became interested in MBTI, I also discovered attachement theory. Very interesting in my view. Here is a pretty simple chart that explains it in a very basic form:



    So basically, how you percieve yourself and others influences how you attach to people (romantically, friendships, family). (e.g. Negative view of yourself + Negative view of others = fearful attachement). I really had to think about this, becuase there is how I like to belive I think of myself and others and then there is how I actually think of myself and others...So really think about it and be honest.

    Here are some brief desc of each attachment style:

    Secure attachment
    Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me." This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.

    Insecure attachments

    Preoccupied - Anxious attachment
    People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them." People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners' lack of responsiveness. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsiveness in their relationships.

    Dismissive-avoidant attachment
    People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

    Fearful-avoidant attachment
    People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.

    So what's your style? What are your thoughts on this?
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    So what's your style? What are your thoughts on this?
    I like the "I suck, you suck" part. Your place or mine?
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

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  3. #3
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I like the "I suck, you suck" part. Your place or mine?


    Why did it not occur to me that SOMEONE would say that??????
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  4. #4
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Dismissive.

    Also kind of sounds like SPD, if taken to the extreme.

    Although I wouldn't say I seek less intimacy from romantic partners, quite the contrary. I require no contact in terms of friendships and such but in a romantic relationship I have clear expectations, and can be pretty warm [why be in a romance otherwise?]. But I do notice the burying of feelings and distancing from rejection as things I've done in the past.



  5. #5
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I am the poster child of "Secure Attachment."
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  6. #6
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    For me, Secure with a slight dash of Preoccupied. I used to have an extremely negative view of myself that put me somewhere between Preoccupied and Fearful, but I've never had the confidence for Dismissive. It comes from internalizing everything, I suppose.

    As far as the model, the terms themselves (Secure, Preoccupied, ...) actually stand on their own to describe each entry, which is refreshing and not often the case.

  7. #7
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I am the poster child of "Secure Attachment."
    I am glad to know you have a positive view of all of us here at TC
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  8. #8
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I'm wondering how this works because I appear to have different types of attachments on that chart with different people. Do I have a higher view of myself with some people but a low view of myself with others?

    Actually looking at this chart I can guess why I feel certain ways when I talk to certain people - I would say I have relationships that encompass 3/4 of that chart at different times.

    These are friendships I'm talking about.

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Attachment theory and object relations actually does intersect with personality theory -- the main interface I'm aware of is via the work of Karen Horney (with the moving toward, moving against, and moving away styles of relating, which are specifically reflected in current day Object theory) as incorporated by the Enneagram, where Riso/Hudson have made specific charts and tables assigning various types to these styles of engagement.

    A lot of personality development, to me, seems to be about the resolution or avoidance of internal feelings of anxiety. (At least, that's the "pain" end of things; personality would also be about not just what doesn't create anxiety but what feels actively good, or "pleasure.")

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I'm wondering how this works because I appear to have different types of attachments on that chart with different people. Do I have a higher view of myself with some people but a low view of myself with others?
    This is one flaw with it -- we tend to have various "groups" in our lives and each group is assigned different privileges and expectations.

    But in general there's usually some sort of underlying attitude beneath it all, which is what this chart is getting at, even if some groups of people have been screened and found trustworthy.

    I also think it's difficult because someone might feel little anxiety vs another person with bad anxiety issues and yet they'd be lumped in the same basic category. This makes it hard to categorize people.

    As far as I go, I'm a mix of dismissive-avoidant vs fearful-avoidant. Probably more fearful-avoidant, I think, nowadays; I seem fine on the surface but almost always experience some level of anxiety inside even with people I know well.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
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    Hm, yeah, mine seems to be the fearful-avoidant attachment style. With all kinds of relationships out there. Nothing more to add to this.

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