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  1. #21
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I'm "secure", but probably only because I've gotten over a heap of "preoccupied". It could come back. Maybe I'm just a little exhausted.

  2. #22
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    I waffle between secure and preoccupied.

  3. #23
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Halla, I never thought I would say this based on some of your previous posts...but that was a very sensitive response...I think I will open myself up to you
    Don't do it! He makes these great posts and suckers you in!!!! Don't say I didn't warn you!

  4. #24
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm pretty sure i'm secure attachment.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #25
    Senior Thread Terminator Aerithria's Avatar
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    Dismissive.
    [insert funny quote/saying/etc.]

  6. #26
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    thanks for posting this, JoSunshine

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I'm wondering how this works because I appear to have different types of attachments on that chart with different people.
    i think, for me this can change from moment to moment, depending on whether i am hooked by an insecure sub-personality, or whether i have the transcendence of a mature person (second tier to be precise) - it also changes depending on whether my partner is hooked.

    so i have understood the table this way:

    • when we are hooked we feel dependent (uneasy with what is, depending on change, manipulating to get it)
    • when we are free, we don't feel dependent. we may fake freedom and be unconscious of dependence. it is true freedom if we feel overflowing. all we want is to contribute. of course you can fake this too. steady freedom is hardly possible before the age of 28, which is about the earliest time, people could develop to a transcendent autonomy, also called "second tier".



    given that both partners are self-aware and authentic and second tier meaning potentially free (all of which is to good to be true), there are only four constellations.

    1. when i am hooked and my partner isn't, then i am touchy and clingy:
      "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them."
    2. when i am hooked and my partner is also hooked, then i am paranoid:
      "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others."
    3. when i am relatively free and my partner is hooked, then i may worry about becoming drained and loosing freedom and i become greedy (hence i loose my freedom) - or i am totally free and stable and enjoy giving:
      "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me."
    4. when both me and my partner are free, we can be intimate.
      "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me."



    in addition to this, i am likely to project, that my partner is needy and clingy (even if (s)he isn't) while i am trying hard to feel free, when i am really secretly hooked. for example. you can create a chess like game, if you assume that one fakes a pattern, the other believes it and responds to the pattern by switching to another pattern himself. since you can always appear to overtrump the amount of fake freedom or the amount of fake dependency of the other.


    too bad for people who are never truly free.

  7. #27
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    if we number the possibilities (as i did) we can do easy talk about the projections that most likely occur, when we don't admit, that we are not freed yet, or if we have no obvious information on the true state of our opponent.

    for example: pattern 3 includes the schizoid style "you may be free, but i am ubermenschlich-free!!!" but it also includes the enneagram two "i am free, and you are sooo needy, you need help" - if these two distortions break down, both of those candidates end up in pattern 1, unless they would become freed from identification with their personality in the light of the break down, in which case 4 becomes possible.

  8. #28
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    Usually secure, sometimes preoccupied in certain situations

  9. #29
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    i am all 3 except dismissive.....

    and this changes based on your level of health etc.. so, not very insightful IMO

  10. #30
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloee View Post
    i am all 3 except dismissive.....

    and this changes based on your level of health etc.. so, not very insightful IMO
    It can be insightful to people who never realized they were consistantly (or often) one of the insecure types and want to change it. That's how it helped me anyway. Of course, it wasn't just looking at a chart. I had to figure out where the fears came from, take responsibility for them and then start developing to coping mechanisms. It took a lot of research / work (still in progress), but that little chart up there is what started me thinking. Of course, it won't be helpful or even interesting to some...maybe even most people, but may be insightful to others.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

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