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  1. #11
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    My goal for friendships is "dismissing" - I dont seem to pull it off, but I think it's my ultimate goal for both people to feel that way. :O

  2. #12
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post


    Why did it not occur to me that SOMEONE would say that??????
    Haha, sorry. I'm an opportunist. And I prefer not to think too much about the "deep" stuff. Good luck with your topic, though, for real.
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  3. #13
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    A lot of personality development, to me, seems to be about the resolution or avoidance of internal feelings of anxiety. (At least, that's the "pain" end of things; personality would also be about not just what doesn't create anxiety but what feels actively good, or "pleasure.")

    This is one flaw with it -- we tend to have various "groups" in our lives and each group is assigned different privileges and expectations.

    But in general there's usually some sort of underlying attitude beneath it all, which is what this chart is getting at, even if some groups of people have been screened and found trustworthy.
    Yes, yes...totally agree with this. I would say that I am slightly fearful avoidant in the begininng (particularly when it comes to romantic relationships). This stems from me questioning if someone is really has good intentions coupled with a fear that I will not be able to properly handle the situation if I end up in a bad relationship. Getting involved with someone can be scary for me.

    Logically, I know I have to get past the fear, so I white-knuckle through until I can fully trust someone, then I am good as gold as far as security goes, but those old feelings do creep in every once in a while and I have to talk through them.

    This holds true for friends too, although it is not as pronounced. It's all about avoiding pain.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  4. #14
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Getting involved with someone can be scary for me.

    Logically, I know I have to get past the fear, so I white-knuckle through until I can fully trust someone, then I am good as gold as far as security goes, but those old feelings do creep in every once in a while and I have to talk through them.
    SOLUTION: Just show up on your first date naked while holding a 12 gauge shotgun. That will get things set up right, and you won't have any worries, as it will be clear you are in charge.

    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    This holds true for friends too, although it is not as pronounced. It's all about avoiding pain.
    Tis' better to give pain, rather than receive it.
    I avoid pain by surrounding myself with good and fun people, and by dismissing the presence of those around me that have a sharp stick in their arse. You can't win by trying to avoid pain. You are not in control of ANYTHING except your own actions. Once you get involved with someone else as a friend or a lover, you have opened yourself to them, whether you like to admit it or not. Hiding in a turtle shell can turn even the nicest people into frustrated mean folk. Just be yourself, and accept that you might get scraped up a bit from time to time, but that it won't kill you, and you'll be smarter and wiser for it.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  5. #15
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    SOLUTION: Just show up on your first date naked while holding a 12 gauge shotgun. That will get things set up right, and you won't have any worries, as it will be clear you are in charge.

    Tis' better to give pain, rather than receive it.
    I avoid pain by surrounding myself with good and fun people, and by dismissing the presence of those around me that have a sharp stick in their arse. You can't win by trying to avoid pain. You are not in control of ANYTHING except your own actions. Once you get involved with someone else as a friend or a lover, you have opened yourself to them, whether you like to admit it or not. Hiding in a turtle shell can turn even the nicest people into frustrated mean folk. Just be yourself, and accept that you might get scraped up a bit from time to time, but that it won't kill you, and you'll be smarter and wiser for it.
    Halla, I never thought I would say this based on some of your previous posts...but that was a very sensitive response...I think I will open myself up to you

    I also totally agree with your assesment...100%! (Thinkers take cover becuase here I go) I can't help how I feel...becuase those feelings go way back, but I can control how I act on those feelings, so I just try to logically work through things and tell myself I am strong enough to handle the pain if things go bad...I'm getting better at it I guess I am still a work in progress.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  6. #16
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Halla, I never thought I would say this based on some of your previous posts...but that was a very sensitive response...I think I will open myself up to you
    Yay! I'm always open for business.

    With the right amount of Valium in my system I am actually quite likeable.

    P.S. Some thinkers can be a bit blunt, but we do have hearts, we just don't wear them on our sleeves, or allow them to be seen via emotional actions. We're very even keeled, but not reptilian, if that makes any sense at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I also totally agree with your assesment...100%! (Thinkers take cover becuase here I go) I can't help how I feel...becuase those feelings go way back, but I can control how I act on those feelings, so I just try to logically work through things and tell myself I am strong enough to handle the pain if things go bad...I'm getting better at it I guess I am still a work in progress.
    Wise words from Ms. JoSunshine. We are all work in progress, dear. Strong are you for facing that which you know is not easy for you. That is an act of strength, and is commendable.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  7. #17
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    As a child I was Fearful Avoidant, now if I'm super honest I'm somewhere in between Secure and Preoccupied. Unfortunately I seem to be drawn, romantically, to those who are Dismissing -- which really just brings out my Preoccupied self. Not a good combo at all.

    (several years ago I tried myself to do more of the Dismissing approach, but it just wasn't natural to me - deep down I didn't really feel that way)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #18
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    I dont know, still trying to figure out what closeness means. Can you define attachment? I need a dictionary with pictures and examples so I can understand the pretense of the word attachment and how it relates. What level of attachment are we talking about? Can I get a sliding scale included so I can rate my level of attachment along with each kind of attachment.

    I struggle with all this N stuff. Do you have a song that I can listen to that contains each type?

    I NEED SENSORY INPUT. Oh I think I have an attachment to my senses, not a very healthy attachment.
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #19
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Preoccupied or Fearful. I'll be coming back to this
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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  10. #20

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    I think I am a mix, a balanced mess. Maybe more a dismissive style from the insecure attachment styles.

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