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  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Default On being deliciously bitchy

    This is more than likely the evil inside me that I am completely unapologetic about, but I had a brief encounter recently with someone who I would classify as being deliciously bitchy.

    When I say deliciously bitchy you could say this person was immature and insecure, but I thought she was quite funny. Birds of a feather and all.

    OK, let me get my word cluster together: saucy, cheeky, flippant, nervy, angry, with a clear vein of bitter shining through, but with something else mixed in that made it forgivable. OK, let me get my other word cluster together: a little sad and morose, like someone who had been hurt one too many times and you're seeing the hardness that has developed as a result.

    Maybe this is that instant connection people here go on and on about but I think I felt it. It happened very quickly, we were standing in line and both of us reached for an In Touch, which prompted a three minute conversation. Maybe I got x-ray mirror for a few minutes. I didn't feel like grabbing a handful of air at all.

    This was going to be a blog entry, but I'm converting it. This slightly stems from people calling others immature and insecure, but knowing that very very few of us are completely secure in all areas, I suppose I've decided to tolerate this particular insecurity for the time being.

    Alright, now everyone can start giving the right answer.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I know I can't be the only good-semaritan type that gets a bit of a dark, sadistic joy from letting out a bitchy side of me every so often.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

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    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I'm generally nice to people (ok, as nice as I can be, which means when I tune in I'm nice!) but waiting places and people watching brings out my snarky side... also known as boredom and mundanity bring out my inner bitch

    I once spent 3 hours playing Clinton and Stacy with a retired steelworker while sitting at the bar in a casino... we critiqued everyone who walked by in the most bitchtastic way. I suspect we had almost as much fun as the winners!

    my thoughts are, we all have evil inner thoughts, why not let it out when you find a kindred spirit?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I'm not sure of the direction of the OP, so I will free-style the theme of my response:

    I've always been attracted to a certain bitchiness in others that occurs when the playing field has become tilted and they step in to fearlessly pop the bubble of illusion the target has relied upon to maintain their security.

    Men and women alike can possess this bitchiness.

  5. #5
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.

  6. #6
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoff View Post
    I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.
    I don't know if it was so much rebellion as a gas leak or a moment of nakedness with a stranger. Simply judging by how comfortable she was talking and that she initiated the conversation, I'd say she was an extrovert, but since she was talking to another extrovert the conversation was able to sustain itself without awkwardness.

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I'm not sure of the direction of the OP, so I will free-style the theme of my response:

    I've always been attracted to a certain bitchiness in others that occurs when the playing field has become tilted and they step in to fearlessly pop the bubble of illusion the target has relied upon to maintain their security.

    Men and women alike can possess this bitchiness.
    Yes, this is one of my few free-style OPs. Do continue.
    Last edited by proteanmix; 01-26-2010 at 07:07 PM. Reason: merged posts
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #7
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    It's a trait I really hate. I can often tell when someone with dominant Fe is bitchy behind your back, sadly the world of politics is full of such people, many think they are great leaders and master manipulators, not knowing how fucking obvious their insincerity is.

    This is why I very strongly mistrust many of them (especially ENFJ, ESFJ I find easier to predict and manage), and get pleasure from seeing them get their comeuppance, especially if I had a hand in it...I guess that wasn't the right answer though, so, umm, sorry. :s
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    It's a trait I really hate. I can often tell when someone with dominant Fe is bitchy behind your back, sadly the world of politics is full of such people, many think they are great leaders and master manipulators, not knowing how fucking obvious their insincerity is.

    This is why I very strongly mistrust many of them (especially ENFJ, ESFJ I find easier to predict and manage), and get pleasure from seeing them get their comeuppance, especially if I had a hand in it...I guess that wasn't the right answer though, so, umm, sorry. :s
    I hear what you're saying and I'm not going to invalidate your experiences by claiming these people you know are immature and insecure or it's not a type thing. These are facets of Fe, unsavory aspects.

    For what I was referring to in the OP, I find them to be moments of nakedness. I'm not the type of person to walk around bare and exposed to the elements, but I do recognize when people expose themselves and when I personally judge it to be sincere and I enjoy those moments. One of my main opportunities to observe people in the wild is at work. I asked a coworker of mine who is typically Sam Sunshine the mother of all mundane Fe questions "How was your weekend?" He took a big breath, shoulders dropped, he smiled a small smile and didn't say anything. I shook my head, said OK, and smiled at him and left. I feel like people get real a lot, but then maybe it's me.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #9
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I hear what you're saying and I'm not going to invalidate your experiences by claiming these people you know are immature and insecure or it's not a type thing. These are facets of Fe, unsavory aspects.

    For what I was referring to in the OP, I find them to be moments of nakedness. I'm not the type of person to walk around bare and exposed to the elements, but I do recognize when people expose themselves and when I personally judge it to be sincere and I enjoy those moments. One of my main opportunities to observe people in the wild is at work. I asked a coworker of mine who is typically Sam Sunshine the mother of all mundane Fe questions "How was your weekend?" He took a big breath, shoulders dropped, he smiled a small smile and didn't say anything. I shook my head, said OK, and smiled at him and left. I feel like people get real a lot, but then maybe it's me.
    Fair enough. Maybe it's being nice to people all the time that forces this "bitchy" shadow out, and maybe it takes the form of something "delicious", and goes too far sometimes, exactly because it is repressed? Not wishing to state the obvious or anything I'm just saying "I understand".:p

    I'm often just objectively rude about people (though, not usually to their face, no time to waste on those kinds of arguments.). Like, my INTJ buddy and I, can just sit there, and just "rip the piss out of" (as we say it round here) everyone we know, and laugh a lot. I never thought of it as "bitchy", it's just, like, I can't help noting peoples pretensions and seeign through them can I?

    But then it's like, I don't want to take it any further, whereas with some unhealthy ENFJ's, it seems like they really want to ostracize the person or "spread the word" against them, or can be very sly in the way of doing it. I mean I might not tell people all I think of them to their face, but neither do I pretend to be ecstatic to see them if I don't really like them. :s
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  10. #10
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I'd definitely consider my SO to be "deliciously bitchy" and it's a quality I find incredibly arousing. Even when it's aimed at me. It does seem more "real" I guess, and I suppose I just love the feisty, I love the taking-care-of-business 'tude, and am a huge sucker for blunt delivery. For me, I think I am attracted to the assertion of the Self above the subservience to the Other, because it's one I can understand and respect in a way.



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