On being deliciously bitchy

[proteanmix]

This is more than likely the evil inside me that I am completely unapologetic about, but I had a brief encounter recently with someone who I would classify as being deliciously bitchy.

When I say deliciously bitchy you could say this person was immature and insecure, but I thought she was quite funny. Birds of a feather and all.

OK, let me get my word cluster together: saucy, cheeky, flippant, nervy, angry, with a clear vein of bitter shining through, but with something else mixed in that made it forgivable. OK, let me get my other word cluster together: a little sad and morose, like someone who had been hurt one too many times and you're seeing the hardness that has developed as a result.

Maybe this is that instant connection people here go on and on about but I think I felt it. It happened very quickly, we were standing in line and both of us reached for an In Touch, which prompted a three minute conversation. Maybe I got x-ray mirror for a few minutes. I didn't feel like grabbing a handful of air at all.

This was going to be a blog entry, but I'm converting it. This slightly stems from people calling others immature and insecure, but knowing that very very few of us are completely secure in all areas, I suppose I've decided to tolerate this particular insecurity for the time being.

Alright, now everyone can start giving the right answer.

 

[kyuuei]

I know I can't be the only good-semaritan type that gets a bit of a dark, sadistic joy from letting out a bitchy side of me every so often.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm generally nice to people (ok, as nice as I can be, which means when I tune in I'm nice!) but waiting places and people watching brings out my snarky side... also known as boredom and mundanity bring out my inner bitch

I once spent 3 hours playing Clinton and Stacy with a retired steelworker while sitting at the bar in a casino... we critiqued everyone who walked by in the most bitchtastic way. I suspect we had almost as much fun as the winners!

my thoughts are, we all have evil inner thoughts, why not let it out when you find a kindred spirit?

 

[disregard]

I'm not sure of the direction of the OP, so I will free-style the theme of my response:

I've always been attracted to a certain bitchiness in others that occurs when the playing field has become tilted and they step in to fearlessly pop the bubble of illusion the target has relied upon to maintain their security.

Men and women alike can possess this bitchiness.

 

[Geoff]

I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.

 

[proteanmix]

I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.

I don't know if it was so much rebellion as a gas leak or a moment of nakedness with a stranger. Simply judging by how comfortable she was talking and that she initiated the conversation, I'd say she was an extrovert, but since she was talking to another extrovert the conversation was able to sustain itself without awkwardness.

I'm not sure of the direction of the OP, so I will free-style the theme of my response:

I've always been attracted to a certain bitchiness in others that occurs when the playing field has become tilted and they step in to fearlessly pop the bubble of illusion the target has relied upon to maintain their security.

Men and women alike can possess this bitchiness.

Yes, this is one of my few free-style OPs. Do continue.

 

[tcda]

It's a trait I really hate. I can often tell when someone with dominant Fe is bitchy behind your back, sadly the world of politics is full of such people, many think they are great leaders and master manipulators, not knowing how fucking obvious their insincerity is.

This is why I very strongly mistrust many of them (especially ENFJ, ESFJ I find easier to predict and manage), and get pleasure from seeing them get their comeuppance, especially if I had a hand in it...I guess that wasn't the right answer though, so, umm, sorry. :s

 

[proteanmix]

It's a trait I really hate. I can often tell when someone with dominant Fe is bitchy behind your back, sadly the world of politics is full of such people, many think they are great leaders and master manipulators, not knowing how fucking obvious their insincerity is.

This is why I very strongly mistrust many of them (especially ENFJ, ESFJ I find easier to predict and manage), and get pleasure from seeing them get their comeuppance, especially if I had a hand in it...I guess that wasn't the right answer though, so, umm, sorry. :s

I hear what you're saying and I'm not going to invalidate your experiences by claiming these people you know are immature and insecure or it's not a type thing. These are facets of Fe, unsavory aspects.

For what I was referring to in the OP, I find them to be moments of nakedness. I'm not the type of person to walk around bare and exposed to the elements, but I do recognize when people expose themselves and when I personally judge it to be sincere and I enjoy those moments. One of my main opportunities to observe people in the wild is at work. I asked a coworker of mine who is typically Sam Sunshine the mother of all mundane Fe questions "How was your weekend?" He took a big breath, shoulders dropped, he smiled a small smile and didn't say anything. I shook my head, said OK, and smiled at him and left. I feel like people get real a lot, but then maybe it's me.

 

[tcda]

I hear what you're saying and I'm not going to invalidate your experiences by claiming these people you know are immature and insecure or it's not a type thing. These are facets of Fe, unsavory aspects.

For what I was referring to in the OP, I find them to be moments of nakedness. I'm not the type of person to walk around bare and exposed to the elements, but I do recognize when people expose themselves and when I personally judge it to be sincere and I enjoy those moments. One of my main opportunities to observe people in the wild is at work. I asked a coworker of mine who is typically Sam Sunshine the mother of all mundane Fe questions "How was your weekend?" He took a big breath, shoulders dropped, he smiled a small smile and didn't say anything. I shook my head, said OK, and smiled at him and left. I feel like people get real a lot, but then maybe it's me.

Fair enough. Maybe it's being nice to people all the time that forces this "bitchy" shadow out, and maybe it takes the form of something "delicious", and goes too far sometimes, exactly because it is repressed? Not wishing to state the obvious or anything I'm just saying "I understand".

I'm often just objectively rude about people (though, not usually to their face, no time to waste on those kinds of arguments.). Like, my INTJ buddy and I, can just sit there, and just "rip the piss out of" (as we say it round here) everyone we know, and laugh a lot. I never thought of it as "bitchy", it's just, like, I can't help noting peoples pretensions and seeign through them can I?

But then it's like, I don't want to take it any further, whereas with some unhealthy ENFJ's, it seems like they really want to ostracize the person or "spread the word" against them, or can be very sly in the way of doing it. I mean I might not tell people all I think of them to their face, but neither do I pretend to be ecstatic to see them if I don't really like them. :s

 

[JocktheMotie]

I'd definitely consider my SO to be "deliciously bitchy" and it's a quality I find incredibly arousing. Even when it's aimed at me. It does seem more "real" I guess, and I suppose I just love the feisty, I love the taking-care-of-business 'tude, and am a huge sucker for blunt delivery. For me, I think I am attracted to the assertion of the Self above the subservience to the Other, because it's one I can understand and respect in a way.

 

[cafe]

People that are nice ALL. THE. TIME. get to me. Even (especially?) when they are genuine. Because I'm not. I have strong opinions about things -- negative opinions sometimes -- and I don't want to pop people's bubbles or pee in their koolaide, but I can't stand pretending like the emperor is wearing an Italian suit.

So, yes, give me a little bitchy so I don't have to feel like I need to have a lobotomy or gouge my eyes out in order to have a conversation with someone. I'm too old for that crap.

 

[GirlFromMars]

Oh, I can be bitchy alright, and enjoy a certain type in others. I think of it more as fiesty. I can't stand people that are alllwaysss nice. I like a bit of rebel yell. But I don't like NASTYNESS - there's a difference.

 

[JoSunshine]

Hummm...I don't know if this is bitchy or just plain scary (to the recipient of my wrath )

I am generally a very congenial person. I like most people in one way or another. I don't go out looking for trouble and am generally considerate and compassionate, UNLESS....

You f*ck with me And I mean, REALLY f*ck with me...look out! It is mainly bullies who I have an issue with. If a person becomes aggressive and threating to me or any of my friends I WILL SAY SOMETHING (male, females, big, small, it doesn't matter) and will most likely scare the crap out of the person in the process - funny thing is the person almost always ends up coming up to me and apologizing afterwards. I think becuase in my rants I usually point out what a jerk the person is being. I know my friends think it is a real hoot, becuase I am so easy-going normally. I like to think I am just bitchy enough to be interesting

As a side note, I have had bouncers who have come over to "break things up" ask me out afterwards...so maybe there is something to the "deliciously bitchy" theory. I guess there is something appealing about a bubbly "cheerleader" type threating to tear somebody's head off

^that makes me sound nuts, but oh well.

 

[sculpting]

EXFPs who get hurt develop a distinctly Te externalized bitch feel. It can appear hard or callous when we are unhappy or seem a bit edgy if we are happy.

Real-I am almost always real and open-this is a flaw from the typical Fe perspective I am afraid. Naked is a good word to describe this. simple is another word.

deliciously bitchy-I am actually most deliciously bitchy when interacting with Fe guys. I sucker punch them and pick on them endlessly. I cant use Fi to interact with kindness, so I revert to a fun bitchy Te punching match. I pick on them and insulting them is actually a sign of affection.

 

[Lurker]

I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.

Hawt.

 

[BerberElla]

I think it's an NP quality (typically) to admire a certain amount of rebellion in someone. Bitchy edgy could do that.

I do admire rebellion but not bitchiness.

Maybe my definition of what bitchy means is off in regards to what is being referred to in this thread though, I don't know.

To me being bitchy = being intentionally mean and cruel, catty, vicious, untrustworthy in the sense that a friend bitching about you behind your back and them smiling in your face and denying it, or even taking credit once found out but being completely unapologetic about it.

There have been times in my life where I have desperately tried to cultivate the bitch in me, to squash peoples feelings with no associated feelings of guilt that usually plague me daily. I have usually failed miserably anyway haha because I regret it instantly.

My ESFJ and ESTP sisters are very proud of being bitches. They love it, I personally am horrified by it and prefer to avoid them, either apart or together.

If that is what is meant by being deliciously bitchy in this thread, then this is my reaction to it's glorification. :horor:

In the women's refuge I lived in though, the term bitch was reworked to help the women living there come to terms with the overuse of it towards them in the relationships they were fleeing.

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself

Was printed on posters and put up in each woman's room, and they tried to get us to associate being called a bitch with being strong, in control of yourself as a woman, not taking any crap from anyone, and any other positive traits they could try to emphasize in that word.

I can get down with that classification of deliciously bitchy, I still fail miserably at it, but I admire it.

 

[Biaxident]

Heartless Bitches International

 

[neptunesnet]

I'd definitely consider my SO to be "deliciously bitchy" and it's a quality I find incredibly arousing. Even when it's aimed at me. It does seem more "real" I guess, and I suppose I just love the feisty, I love the taking-care-of-business 'tude, and am a huge sucker for blunt delivery. For me, I think I am attracted to the assertion of the Self above the subservience to the Other, because it's one I can understand and respect in a way.

But is that bitchiness?

If so, then most confident women would fit under that definition, and I just can't agree with that.

"Bitches" are the girls who've tried to make me their victim. They're insecure and annoying. Boisterous and on the right side of pathetic. They manipulate because they're not smart to get their way ethically. Very few people respect them.

I am focused, I am fiesty, and I am sure, but I am not a bitch.
Just call me rebel.

People that are nice ALL. THE. TIME. get to me. Even (especially?) when they are genuine. Because I'm not.

Well you see those who are nice all the time usually are not genuine.

If by chance they are always nice and sincere, they're either wearing a tightly fitting mask or they're just not self-aware enough to build an acquaintance with.

 

[proteanmix]

Eh, I know that I haven't adequately explained what I mean.

The closest I can come is when you're watching a movie or reading a book and there's a character who OWNS their badness, their flaws. Perhaps what I mean is you can find just as many reasons to dislike them as to like them. In the balance of good and evil, right and wrong, this person is breaking even. I'm thinking about the tension this creates in other people about them not strictly falling into the obviously "good" or obviously "bad" category. There personality is a complete and fully functional ecosystem where you see predation and symbiosis.