User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 32

  1. #11
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    2,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    OK, for those of you saying it depends on the connection, can you please explain to me the nature of the connection? What would make you more likely to quickly self-disclose personal information?
    Knowing that they're past judging me and take me for who I am.

    My main fear is that I'll break a good working friendship if I disclose something that they may not appreciate, etc.

    It's not like I have dark secrets, but.. yeah. It's just a stupid fear.

  2. #12
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Like I just posted on that other thread you linked, I don't really mind telling anyone anything, for the most part. My rubric for deciding when/how much to share is almost entirely dependent on how much I think the listener wants to know.
    +1.

    I err on the side of withholding information that involves others, but if it's just my personal information, I have such an unscintillating life-history that I really don't feel the need to weed out information that revolves solely around me. I don't think that will change, either, as I gain more life experience (and with that, more chips and flaws in my armor). Unless I get that spidey-sense of the listener being someone not at peace with themselves--the kind of person who might poorly wield information about others out of a defense to keep the heat off of themselves--I'm open if the person wants to hear it.

    I also feel honoured to share my personal flaws, missteps and struggles if I feel that doing so might help another person put themselves in perspective when they're struggling to succeed at or overcome something. As a teen it took me quite a while to realize that the people I saw succeeding in one arena were often struggling quietly in another arena that I was not privy to, so I think it's kind to be human around other humans.

    I think there's pros and cons to everything--I like the pro/con fallout for this situation best: I can be lazy about negotiating the censoring of my thoughts, which affords me the cognitive bandwidth to explore and possibly find things that expand my worldview or understanding of self or others. The cons are clear: if you give some people negative fodder, they will put it to use. But, meh, I don't really see that as a major loss: oohh, Usehername is human and I can show this by this evidence she told me! Incidentally, this often brings about connections with very worthwhile individuals--I think this con usually turns into a pro, if one has the patience and energy to weather the small storm before it.

    IMO, it's the least effortful way of negotiating social circles with the greatest potential for payoff.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #13
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    +1.

    I err on the side of withholding information that involves others, but if it's just my personal information, I have such an unscintillating life-history that I really don't feel the need to weed out information that revolves solely around me.

    I also feel honoured to share my personal flaws, missteps and struggles if I feel that doing so might help another person put themselves in perspective when they're struggling to succeed at or overcome something. As a teen it took me quite a while to realize that the people I saw succeeding in one arena were often struggling quietly in another arena that I was not privy to, so I think it's kind to be human around other humans.
    Exactly, every word. I've tried to be real like that with my children, too, because it can be a harsh realization when you're a teen/young adult to realize that your parents really don't know everything about everything, and they have their own human problems like everyone else.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #14
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,771

    Default

    I'm open to discussing most things, I don't really have much of a filter these days. Except if it would get someone in trouble.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #15
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Messy personal relationships?
    Quality of significant relationships?
    Illnesses (psychological and physical)
    Your sex life?
    Your financial/socioeconomic status?
    Your religious beliefs?
    Your political beliefs?
    Substance (ab)use?
    The above = private. I think my criterion for what is private/personal is anything that has an emotional impact on me and all of the above would fall under that. Also, my emotional life, innermost thoughts, personal reactions to events, would fall under "private." Under very rare circumstances will I discuss those openly. I'm open to discussing issues that I am furthered removed from, such as news, current events, others' lives, movies, TV, etc. I don't actually do a whole lot of talking, except to those I am comfortable with discussing the above topics with.

    Also, is time a factor in casually revealing what you consider private information to people, i.e. you still don't know them very well but you've been around them several times?
    Not so much time, but the significance of the relationship. Time can increase the importance of the relationship, but not always. Some I have known for years I still do not and will not share private information, and sometimes a person I've known for only a few months I find myself sharing my personal life with.

  6. #16

    Default

    Like many people have said, what I reveal depends on who the "public" is.

    I keep certain things from the people at work, because it is none of their business if it my personal life.

    I keep things from people online, mainly for safety reasons.

    I keep things from family, mainly because they may worry too much or freak out.

    I keep things from friends, but it depends on the friend. I am generally the most open with friends.

    What is private to me is simply what I don't disclose, as what is public is what I do disclose.

    What I disclose depends on who I am disclosing it too, how long I have known them, and in what contexts I know them.

    I choose not to disclose explicit examples of what is private in this thread...except for one thing. There is a lot in my blog here that people IRL don't know about. Mainly because they may worry too much or freak out.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  7. #17
    mrs disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    7,855

    Default

    When and with whom I choose to disclose things is mostly intuitive. It's giving me a headache just thinking about listing it all, but something I definitely keep private are the problems my partner and I face together in our relationship. That's no one's business.

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,075

    Default

    I'm probably with Usehername for most of that as well. I guess I don't have a lot of deep dark secrets, and I also don't think most people have reason to be privy to my sex life or finances (although it's not like it's a big secret - more just something I'd reserve for closer connections). However, depending on the person, I would pretty openly share most other things, factoring in their comfort level, how well I like them, relevance, whether it would be useful to them to know, who else involved with me that they know (if it has an impact on them) and if it aids in connecting with them.

  9. #19
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    584

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post

    Messy personal relationships?
    Quality of significant relationships?
    Illnesses (psychological and physical)
    Your sex life?
    Your financial/socioeconomic status?
    Your religious beliefs?
    Your political beliefs?
    Substance (ab)use?
    All of the above, for me, are both private and public, in the sense that I'll disclose it to people who ask with genuine reasons, but I don't tend to volunteer it. Purely bedause I figure they're the kinds of things that some people just don't want to know, so I don't want to be a bore and I don't want the conversation to be all about me.

    With some people, when they learn that you have certain issues in your own life, decide that to confide any of their troubles in you or ask for your help would be "adding to your burden". For that reason, I don't volunteer that information. I don't want people to feel like they have to hesitate to approach me for help or support.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  10. #20
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Everything is fair game in my life, but there are some things i prefer being prompted to talk about. I don't like to go too in depth all of the time because, although i may have no issue with it, other people might not want to know things.
    I feel that people are usually private for their own benefit. I get no benefit from being a private person.

    The only thing that i keep in check are my emotions (most times subconsciously). I'll be able to discuss anything that is stirring up my emotions, but i can detach from reactions at the time of discussion.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

Similar Threads

  1. What do you like most and least about INTJs and INTPs
    By yupitsme in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 01-06-2016, 04:57 PM
  2. what do you consider extreme cuisine and are you interested in trying it?
    By Survive & Stay Free in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-30-2015, 07:27 PM
  3. What do you consider to be your inner demon?
    By uncommonentity in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-11-2011, 02:35 PM
  4. What do you consider the worst?
    By Idec Sdawkminn in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 11-26-2010, 02:17 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO