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Confidence

King sns

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Nov 4, 2008
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How do you get it? Mine is often dependant on the opinions of others. I'm not extremely unconfident without those opinions, but I wish to be able to build some on my own. I'm not really interested in people saying, "who cares what others think?". Since duh, that's the most obvious remark. I'm more interested in some practical things that may have helped you guys in the past.
 

BlackCat

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My confidence is a slave to my abilities and competency. But I'm a very confident person. I remember one day I got tired of not being that way; and decided that it was useless to have low self confidence and to be depressed. So I started to act artificially confident and didn't let my depression affect me, and it sort of set in.

But basically it's useless to not be the best person you can possibly be. So I just kinda do it like that.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
My confidence comes and goes. Of course, other people's opinions, or misconceptions about me shake my confidence but I think it still goes through my internal filter whether the information I get is reliable for me, to my understanding of myself. If I happen to agree with the outside influence and it's something negative, then I start to have doubts in myself.

Another thing that shakes my confidence is when I neglect to listen to myself, to my heart, when I start to analyze and overthink and try to do things as I think I should do them and not as I feel I should do them. It's probably subconscious but I don't try as hard because deep down I know that it doesn't mean that much to me, so I start to slack off and the results are not to my liking and I start to regret it, doubt myself and my ability to stay true to myself.

Remaining true to myself is very important to me because, ultimately, it's myself that I'm letting down by my own thinking and actions. My own internal disapproval is far worse than any outside influence. So, making peace with myself is the key to building inner strength.

So I started to act artificially confident and didn't let my depression affect me, and it sort of set in.

I agree with this. You'd sort of have to forcefully make yourself believe in yourself and not let the negative thoughts overwhelm you because they're not going to get you anywhere. I admit, when I'm in a weaker mindset, I often let things overwhelm me but some days everything just clicks, turns around and stays like that for quite a while. Confidence feeds confidence.
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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But basically it's useless to not be the best person you can possibly be.

There is validity in this statement.


It also helps to think of reasons WHY you are good. Looking at the average joe and realizing you are better than him in this or that way, for example.


Also let your superior Fi value system show you how you are making the right choices when others are more preoccupied with the shine factor of their car's paint.
 

King sns

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There is validity in this statement.


It also helps to think of reasons WHY you are good. Looking at the average joe and realizing you are better than him in this or that way, for example.


Also let your superior Fi value system show you how you are making the right choices when others are more preoccupied with the shine factor of their car's paint.
:huh:
 

lamp

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Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
BC has a good response.

I have found it helpful to think less and do more.

I also have become more accepting of my silly whimsical arbitrary side, which in turn helped my confidence. I dont know how I became this way though, learning about Fi may have helped some.
 

Moiety

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Fi helps you choose a color of paint.

It also helps you understand the color you chose is the right one, irrespective of what other people might tell you.
 

LoneWolf

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Sep 10, 2009
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well I used to be alot more confident that I am right now, and what helped was going out and putting myself on the line, doing things I knew people would see me do(that I was embarassed about and could potentially damage my rep) but do it anyway. nothing crazy or anything but things outside my comfort zone. I did that repeatedly and overtime I cared less and less of what people thought. after I stopped doing it for awhile, my 'anxiety' came back.
 

Tiltyred

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Experience has given me my confidence.
 

lamp

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Jul 8, 2009
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It also helps you understood the color you chose is the right one, irrespective of what other people might tell you.
Ah I understand.

Its not about blowing off other people's opinions, it is about allowing yourself to be comfortable with your preferences and choices.
 

thinkinjazz

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May 18, 2009
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Find something you enjoy intrinsically and continue to improve; you may never be the best, but you will feel like you've accomplished something and improved yourself. Confidence and personal accomplishment are very intimately connected and are things you can look back on during a hard day. Relationships and people's opinions of you may, and mostly will, change constantly. It's much healthier to develop a loving and confident relationship with yourself.
 

AOA

♣️♦️♠️♥️
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The standard of appearance to date has given me the confidence I wanted. Otherwise, generally, I am confident about my life.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
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3,900
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You can write down all the compliments you've received from people you respect; friends, teachers, mentors, parents...
You can write your own obituary. I know it sounds weird, but how would people describe you at your funeral? I did this, and it made me feel better for a little while. It helps to remember that you are loved for who you are.:hug:
 

Snuggletron

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Sep 25, 2009
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I find confidence is often tied to perspective and expectation. For some people, looking at things from a good perspective is just innate. Honestly, telling myself all of the good things about myself/my life feels fake, forced, and does not work for me. I have to be looking at whatever I aim to be confident at at a certain angle and hold no fragile expectations.

I would sometimes describe confidence as somewhat of a feeling of mania or throwing a punch at something without inhibition but with knowledge. The knowledge being that failure cannot affect you negatively unless you let it.

Pretty easy to say, quite often hard to do.
 

Bubbleboy

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Oct 30, 2009
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116
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How do you get it? Mine is often dependant on the opinions of others. I'm not extremely unconfident without those opinions, but I wish to be able to build some on my own. I'm not really interested in people saying, "who cares what others think?". Since duh, that's the most obvious remark. I'm more interested in some practical things that may have helped you guys in the past.
Worry yourself half to death over how perfect you have to be to please everyone, and at some point you'll realize the closest to perfect is just be you.
 

Lady_X

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Oct 27, 2008
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i think i derive a lot of confidence by the fact that i've been through some difficult situations and i always get through it and feel i always will...whatever it may be and regarding social situations...if i'm myself and acting in a way that feels right to me then i'm doing my part...people pick up on sincerity and appreciate it...and if i just don't click with someone i don't feel that it's necessarily because of me...it's okay if two people don't gel well. that's just life...and i'm okay with it.
 
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