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Thread: Confidence

  1. #31
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    Bellow is something that works excellent for me, but I do know a couple of Fi users (not all of them) who have extreme difficulty with it. They just 'feel' insecure and become unable and unwilling to figure out why that is. Both of the people I'm talking about are at any given time either the happiest people I know, or the most distressed.

    Confidence follows success. If you lack confidence in certain situations that means you feel insecure about whether things will go the way you want them to go. A good idea, when you are feeling less confident, is ask yourself: How can I find out how to handle this situation to my own satisfaction? Then instead of dealing with the situation itself directly, first gather the right information, skills, resources etc. you need to handle the situation. It may take some time, but it'll help in the long run.

    Also, don't be afraid to ask for help, Asking on these forums is a possibility, but you'll always get 1000 different opinions from 1000 different members. I'd say, turn to someone you assume might have the answer.
    I hate people who don't like solutions to their problems.
    As far as your suggestion, this is really tailored to my style. Everything needs goals and steps and ways to handle it. And, as far as the 1000 opinions, totally true. But of course I can pick and choose. The reason I ask strangers is that it's nice to get different perspectives rather than people who know me who are just going to blow my head up with compliments and then eventually i'd be back to where I started.

    I actually started a private journal, something I haven't done in a while, with monthly goals and stuff to do that month to make me better, happier, whatever. Sounds nerdy but I predict it will work. Need something tangible to look at.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  2. #32
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I gain confidence by:

    -focusing on "the goal" rather than my own insecurities
    -remembering that other people feel the way I do
    -knowing that you can't win if you don't play, so go get em!

  3. #33
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I hate people who don't like solutions to their problems.
    As far as your suggestion, this is really tailored to my style. Everything needs goals and steps and ways to handle it. And, as far as the 1000 opinions, totally true. But of course I can pick and choose. The reason I ask strangers is that it's nice to get different perspectives rather than people who know me who are just going to blow my head up with compliments and then eventually i'd be back to where I started.

    I actually started a private journal, something I haven't done in a while, with monthly goals and stuff to do that month to make me better, happier, whatever. Sounds nerdy but I predict it will work. Need something tangible to look at.
    I think you completely got my point. Cool.

    Yeah, you can pick and choose who to listen to, go do that, some people will just be able to help you better then others.

    I think it's great you started writing down goals as well, I sometimes do this with important stuff as well. My trick is to chunk the goals in smaller pieces and set nearby, but easy to achieve, deadlines for them. That way you'll be less disappointed if a goal isn't met. Instead of thinking 'I wasted a month', it becomes 'I wasted two days'.
    (removed)

  4. #34
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    why dont you read a book or watch a show/movie and write down YOUR opinion about it.
    then go on the internet and read everyone else's opinion. if they match, good; find another book

    when they don't match, try to convince yourself (through logic supported by actual examples from the book) why your opinion is obviously better than theirs.

    what is important here is the power of self-persuasion. it when you fail to find any argument at all as to why your opinion is better, you must accept people's opinion; but if can prove their opinion wrong, accept yours and yours only. without any doubt whatsoever


    try to pick the movie/book is easy for you; by easy i mean it is in an area that you love or find interesting...if you like basketball, get a movie about basketball

  5. #35
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    I think you completely got my point. Cool.

    Yeah, you can pick and choose who to listen to, go do that, some people will just be able to help you better then others.

    I think it's great you started writing down goals as well, I sometimes do this with important stuff as well. My trick is to chunk the goals in smaller pieces and set nearby, but easy to achieve, deadlines for them. That way you'll be less disappointed if a goal isn't met. Instead of thinking 'I wasted a month', it becomes 'I wasted two days'.
    Yea, that's always my line of thinking too. I'm a fan of small steps. (Baby steps down to the door, baby steps down the hall...) What about Bob references aside, I wanted to do monthly with a bunch of small and big goals. Can cross them off if I meet smaller ones. I hope to reach 80% of the goals. Some of them are super easy, some progressive that will never stop, and some more challenging. I also would like to see where I was a month ago versus where I am today, emotionally, physically, whatever. Should be interesting to see how it goes.
    I think it's become an issue of me being unhappy lately in general, not just lack of confidence. But all the goals and them being met alone make me happier and more confident, I think.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  6. #36
    Glycerine
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    Just try to be the best person you possibly can be...with both your strengths and flaws. However you shouldn't try to change yourself, if that makes any sense.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 01-19-2010 at 01:37 AM.

  7. #37
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Actually, you know what I think it is? It's this long vacation from school. People would give anything to be in my position right now with this loads of time off. But I haven't been as active as usual this vacation, in turn, becoming a bit depressed. I predict that next Tuesday when the activity starts up again I'll be back to my old self.

    Sometimes I think i'm crazy, but when there's not a lot going on, I start to twiddle my thumbs and feel really lonely and weird and restless and sometimes have panic attacks. Reminding myself of someone who belongs in an institution.

    I spose if I always need constant excess amount of activity in my life than so be it.

    ( I say this all with a smile on my face, of course.)

    It is absolutely bizzarre and selfish of me to think that I should be upset because I have "too much time off." Will have to remind myself not to complain when i'm "too busy."
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  8. #38
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    What helps me more than figuring out how much I care what others think of me, is to look at what I think of others. By having some level of respect for others and their limitations, it allows me to go outside myself and show myself the same kindness.

    If I make a mistake and hurt someone and lose confidence, I ask myself whether or not I would be forgiving to someone else making that same mistake with me.

    If I get up front for a speech or performance and botch it up, I ask myself if I would think less of someone else in the humiliating position.

    If I get a lower score on a test or do something stupid, I try to remember how I would feel if that were someone else.

    etc.

    By being decent to other people, I have to confront the lack of logic of not showing myself the same decency. My lack of confidence is connected to the ability to dehumanize myself - to be irrationally hard on myself. I can get knocked for a loop when someone is hateful towards me mostly because it can propel me towards that tendency to dehumanize myself. If I can counter it with that basic human respect foundation, I can push back and by showing others the patience, and I can find it for myself as well.

    This approach doesn't make me strikingly confident outwardly and many times I falter, but it makes me like a weeble wobble. I can get shaken up, but never actually knocked down. It applies to all possible situations I could ever encounter.

    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #39
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    What helps me more than figuring out how much I care what others think of me, is to look at what I think of others. By having some level of respect for others and their limitations, it allows me to go outside myself and show myself the same kindness.

    If I make a mistake and hurt someone and lose confidence, I ask myself whether or not I would be forgiving to someone else making that same mistake with me.

    If I get up front for a speech or performance and botch it up, I ask myself if I would think less of someone else in the humiliating position.

    If I get a lower score on a test or do something stupid, I try to remember how I would feel if that were someone else.

    etc.

    By being decent to other people, I have to confront the lack of logic of not showing myself the same decency. My lack of confidence is connected to the ability to dehumanize myself - to be irrationally hard on myself. I can get knocked for a loop when someone is hateful towards me mostly because it can propel me towards that tendency to dehumanize myself. If I can counter it with that basic human respect foundation, I can push back and by showing others the patience, and I can find it for myself as well.

    This approach doesn't make me strikingly confident outwardly and many times I falter, but it makes me like a weeble wobble. I can get shaken up, but never actually knocked down. It applies to all possible situations I could ever encounter.
    Sheer brilliance.

  10. #40
    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    +1

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