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Thread: Extravert and socializing failure...

  1. #11
    A GOD Array Mace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    8 sx
    --- Te


    This is something controversial, in my opinion - to be extroverted, being able to socialize (openly), though slacking somewhere with when it comes to doing so consistently, and I feel this ought to be considered.

    ... Coming from a personal perspective, I think extroversion works almost naturally when it comes to socialization until various 'life smart' perks become apparent as we entered adulthood. That confidence we enjoyed with people becomes tested, and the frustration lies in living closely with the social norm's expectations, or the general rule that we are bound by society.

    Therefore, socialization has it's strengths in every body - including introverts, but differently. Intent, and motives are what determine when socialization fails.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array JHBowden's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    I don't run away from socializing. I run away from failure at socializing. Extraverts, can you relate to this?
    For me, social interaction for pleasure is down time; I like the friends I hang with. But why try to gain acceptance from zombies? Quality matters here, not quantity. I'm disciplined in other aspects of my life, so it is refreshing to go out and talk with others with similar intellectual interests.

    I'm not a pure extrovert in that I don't like being in the middle of a chaos just for the sake of it -- interesting alternatives are always present in my mind. Perhaps I'm more of an INTJ in this respect, I dunno. I'm not going to grovel and prostitute myself for the approval of people who suck.

    Socializing is easy; insincerity is what I hate. People who say one thing to your face and another behind your back. If someone or a group of people publicly dislikes you, at least give them merit points for honesty.

  3. #13
    pathwise dependent Array FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007


    You're just socializing with the wrong people.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #14
    `~~Philosoflying~~` Array SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    I hate socializing. I never look forward to it.
    For some reason, I almost always get the bad place - at the edge of the table, shut out of conversation; with a group where the members know each other for a much longer time than they know me...
    If I can't take part of a conversation, I fiercely hate being in a company. The last time I've encountered this, I had to run away with a little pretext... I'm rather lonely alone than lonely in a group. When I'm shut out of a group, I feel as if somehow I failed - again - at connecting with them.
    When, on the other hand, I can really take part of the interaction, I'm as happy as pie! Like a true extravert, I crave attention and interaction. Like a true introvert, I find it very difficult to socialize and would rather run away.

    I don't run away from socializing. I run away from failure at socializing.

    Extraverts, can you relate to this? Do you have any hints to combat this? Any techniques to integrate in a group without imposing yourself and being shut out again, or to turn a conversation towards a topic where you can take part without interrupting or making it all about you?
    The only time I related to your feeling shut out was when I was at an informal dinner party with a group of engineers, their conversation consisted of nothing other than engineering stuff, I felt frustrated, but then decided to recede into my own mind and think about stuff, and analyze the people who were at the table, wondering such things as who knew what the fuck they were talking about, who was full of shit, who was funny, kind-hearted, attractive, etc.

    Some other related thoughts:

    I am definitely an extravert, and when I feel like engaging people in conversation whether it's a good friend or a friendly barista, I do so.

    I've never had problems connecting to/with people of all sorts.

    When I am either not in the mood to talk, or displeased or bored with the company I'm with, I choose to go into my analytical/fantasy mode, where I basically have an introspective conversation with my self.

    Also, it should be noted, that sometimes it is great just sitting back and observing and listening to a conversation.
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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