What makes someone likable?

[Metamorphosis]

Confidence + modesty

 

[TenebrousReflection]

I can't really pinpoint what makes someone likable to me, its just a sense I quickly get. A lot of people that seem warm and friendly have an instant positive effect on me, but its not always a quantifiable "warm and friendly" of smiling and cheerful, sometimes its more like an aura I feel rather than some behavior I can observe and point to. As an example, I can sometimes look at someone that everyone else sees as "the grouch" and just sense an aura of warmth that is behind the mask they show everyone else and find them likable, and those impressions are nearly always validated over time, so if/when I get a strong initial impression about someone I've learned to trust it even if I can't clearly explain why.

If someone does not make a strong impression on me, things like a visible sense of curiosity (openminded and wanting to learn new things or experiment with existing things/ideas), subtle and creative use of language (nuance), enthusiasim for any shared interest or a sense of humor that either demonstrates wit, intellect or creativity/originality (I'm particularily fond of dark cynical humor that requires some though to understand) do go along way toward winning me over. Of course finding somoene that seems to think like me also makes someoen likable to me too but thats another "just a feeling" sort of thing.

 

[Mycroft]

Protean, you really go for the humdingers.

Every human being alive has their own individual criteria. There are aggregates, but that's all. What one person appreciates, another may despise. What said two people appreciate and despise, respectively, may very well be the same personality trait. One man's confident is another's cocky. One man's kind is another's sappy.

So here's what being an iNtuitive will net you: in the end I have, through rigorous thought and reflection, arrived at what every after school special will tell you: there's no accounting for taste, so to hell with it. To the extent that it doesn't hamper other people's self-being, Just Be Yourself.

 

[booyalab]

sensible
not annoying
amusing
if not amusing, kind

 

[CzeCze]

There are lots of common things people are drawn to that ARE mutually exclusive. Like being mysterious, reserved and 'hard to get' can attract someone. And that same person will also be attracted to someone else who is really larger than life and forthcoming and honest.

Generally you want to be around people who 1) make you feel good about yourself 2) seem to 'know where it's at' either style wise, information wise, gossip wise, etc. 3) validate you. 4) pique your interest

The above 4 can cover A LOT of ground.

 

[arcticangel02]

I like most people.

And so, to be 'likeable', all you have to be is not annoying and clingy. Clinginess is pretty much one of the only things that will make me avoid you. But those I've categorised as annoying initially have, in many cases, won me over as I've gotten to know them better.

 

[booyalab]

Generally you want to be around people who 1) make you feel good about yourself 2) seem to 'know where it's at' either style wise, information wise, gossip wise, etc. 3) validate you. 4) pique your interest

The above 4 can cover A LOT of ground.

I don't know/care about 2 or 3, but I think 1 and 4 would be sufficient.

 

[ladypinkington]

Sense of Humor
Joy
Easy going
Personality and Flair
Unusual
Don't take themselves too seriously
Humility
Someone who builds people up
Inclusive

Must get either Seinfeld, Monty Python and The Holy Grail or Simpson's references. That is actually very important,lol. I refuse to awknowledge anyone who does'nt,lol. Okay maybe not that far- but in my head I'm saying yeah It's actually that far, but I wouldn't want to admit such a jerky thing like that out loud,lol.

 

[wildcat]

Confidence + modesty

An INTJ trait.

Home sweet home, eh?

 

[substitute]

Actually the stuff I said here is way too ambitious and demanding for me to just think of someone as 'likeable'. If someone had all those qualities I'd think they were totally awesome and want to be their best buddy.

To be just likeable though, I suppose polite and friendly are enough, for me.

 

[CzeCze]

To be just likeable though, I suppose polite and friendly are enough, for me.

You know I forget the OP's intention and my own answer was really more about how to make yourself more *influential* i.e. what occupational books on 'maximizing personal power' and 'workplace dynamics' will tell you to do... and no I don't read those books. No seriously, I buy them but I never get around to reading them.

And with this Substitute's amendment of 'polite and friendly are enough' -- I think this actually will make someone safe and socially acceptable. Like how you describe the shyest kids in highschool as 'nice' because you know so little about them (and have not had the inclination to change that) you have nothing else to say about them.

I remember the ONE person on my team in my last job that I actually could stand, and that was exactly why. He was polite. Actually he wasn't even friendly, he was NEUTRAL which comparatively in tank of sharks might as well be friendly.

Basically, I have to rethink what makes someone 'likeable'. I guess I'm not sure about the definitions. 'Likeable' can mean don't rock the boat and kinda boring...which is exactly what people go for in certain job and work situations. Pleasantly safe.

I guess if you were enthusiastically and genuinely friendly that would push someone past 'safe and bland' to having a likeable quality.

At least this is what is going through my mind right now.

 

[substitute]

Well I just meant, the minimum prerequisites for a person when I first meet them, for me to think I wouldn't mind working with them. To me 'likeable' means just someone I don't hate. If I say someone's likeable, I just mean I'm just a bit warmer than neutral towards them, predisposed to listen to them and say 'yes' to a reasonable request, and likely to be friendly towards them. In which case, as long as they're polite and friendly, it'll be enough for me, and I'd have to see a few bad qualities before I became less well disposed towards them.

 

[kuranes]

I can "like" a wide variety of people.

If they are interesting or funny enough, I am even willing to put up with an extremely selfish person, to some extent. In the latter case, it's kind of like the old stories about always remaining within the circle when conjuring demons. If you know that this person takes their time and scheduling commitments lightly, for example, do not even try to get their agreement to meet you at a future date.

The Dale Carnegie-type books say that we like people who show an interest in our favorite subject -ourselves. I think there's a lot of truth to this. Having some common interests or goals can help this phenomenon to not seem so disagreeable, if indeed you see this as "false".

I also like people who can smoothly change gears between being good listeners and good talkers. Creative people. People who are open to suggestions, assuming they seem to lead a life which ( to me, or to both of us ) seems boring or otherwise objectionable when I am meeting them. Sometimes I am student and sometimes I am teacher, even with children or people one would not otherwise think to be "teachers".

I like some people whose skills and strengths complement mine vs. mirror them.

It is not necessary for me to "like" someone to spend occasional productive time or even enjoyable time with them. This assumes I can subtly or directly take some charge about when or how often I interact with people I don't like, though. I can feel the opposite way when I am stuck dealing with such people at their convenience. I can often change the behavior of people who were originally unlikeable by me. Or I can at least get them to change it temporarily ( while they are with me ) by making sure that during those occasions we engage in activities that we find mutually beneficial.

I have even been known to take on clients that were obnoxious, just because they paid well. One must always weigh the pros and cons of this kind of thing, to constantly update our evaluations of whether it is worth it. ( And weigh the cost of time spent evaluating, too, which is a secondary aspect sometimes not considered. ) I have friends and associates with the complete opposite POV on this latter point. They will not take on clients unless there develops a really strong warm/fuzzy sense of "win-win" in early meetings. I continue to question myself as to whether I should change and begin doing this myself.

 

[OctaviaCaesar]

The most pleasant kind of person to me is one who can engage me in conversation, making me laugh while not judging me, and being optimistic. The xSFPs I have met are like this.

 

[the human iPod]

Interviewer: Why don't alot of people like you, John?

John Lennon: You know, I think it has something to do with me face. People just really don't like me face.

Interviewer: Is it the fact that your against the establishment?

Lennon: I guess it shows up on the face.

 

[Haight]

Feel free to use me as a test case.

 

[LadyJaye]

Deodorant.

 

[Hypomanic]

+ Sexy
+ Friendly

 

[Valiant]

This may have obvious answers, but I'm curious to know what qualities people find likable and pleasant in others. I'm specifically referring to the people you come into contact with that you have a positive disposition towards but aren't particularly close to. What do they do? Smile a lot? Funny? Helpful? Knowledgeable?

I just love when people are cheerful, decisive, openminded and empathetic.

On the opposite side I despise people who can't make quick decisions, are closeminded boneheads(extreme cases like nazis etc), emo kids and psychopaths. Though strangely enough, I also find psychopaths interesting, as they in general are quite the opposite of how I work.

 

[lecky]

In general, I tend to like people who are friendly, thoughtful, funny, and put me at ease.

I have a great fondness for people who I can act goofy and silly with! I like people who love to laugh like me!