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  1. #1
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Default How did you stop letting other people dictate your actions?

    A lot of the things I do and don't do are because I feel other people expect more of me, and thus I expect more of me. Or I think something just isn't accepted in society, so I don't do it. For instance, I want to wear the color pink often, but it's hard being a guy. The harder thing is I've always had a voice in my head telling me I could've done better at something, I could've had more discipline, I could've seen the bigger picture better or I could've been less superficial. It's like a mini-ENTJ inside my head.

    I've always felt insecure because of the effectiveness and productivity I've seen in SPs and xNTJs. I just don't know how to stop it. It's a lot of negative self-talk too that is just dictating my actions and stopping me from being happy. How did other people overcome this?


  2. #2
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    A lot of the things I do and don't do are because I feel other people expect more of me, and thus I expect more of me. Or I think something just isn't accepted in society, so I don't do it. For instance, I want to wear the color pink often, but it's hard being a guy. The harder thing is I've always had a voice in my head telling me I could've done better at something, I could've had more discipline, I could've seen the bigger picture better or I could've been less superficial. It's like a mini-ENTJ inside my head.

    I've always felt insecure because of the effectiveness and productivity I've seen in SPs and xNTJs. I just don't know how to stop it. It's a lot of negative self-talk too that is just dictating my actions and stopping me from being happy. How did other people overcome this?

    Donald Trump wears pink ties. What the hell is the big deal?
    How much of a man you are has nothing to do with what color of clothing you wear.
    Tell me you have no integrity, then I'll call you a pussy.
    If you remember nothing, remember this:

    The only person you have to impress in life is yourself. Period.
    We have but one life to live. Live it your way.

  3. #3
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    A lot of the things I do and don't do are because I feel other people expect more of me, and thus I expect more of me. Or I think something just isn't accepted in society, so I don't do it. For instance, I want to wear the color pink often, but it's hard being a guy. The harder thing is I've always had a voice in my head telling me I could've done better at something, I could've had more discipline, I could've seen the bigger picture better or I could've been less superficial. It's like a mini-ENTJ inside my head.

    I've always felt insecure because of the effectiveness and productivity I've seen in SPs and xNTJs. I just don't know how to stop it. It's a lot of negative self-talk too that is just dictating my actions and stopping me from being happy. How did other people overcome this?
    Do the opposite of what your head tells you out of spite. Get angry at that voice. Wear pink, don't listen to other people, don't worry about what you COULD'VE done, be concerned about what you WILL do.

    Also, just break it down logically:

    - Why are you afraid of wearing the color pink? Just because it's not common in guys? It would make you even more manly to be secure enough to wear it, so wear pink if it makes you feel good.
    - About the voice, even if it tells you what you COULD'VE done better, don't listen to it. What's the point in doing that - you can't change the past so why do you worry about it?

    Also - What's this about effectiveness and productivity in SPs and NTJs? No offense to those types, but I've been more productive than them. And the same could be said for the other SJs I know.

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    In the end, it's a few strategies:

    - Rationalize to yourself why it's fine and even preferable to say/do/be what you think you should say/do/be.

    - Examine the actual practical ramifications of you doing whatever you fear will bring disapproval (i.e., what are the odds you could lose your job? Lose a relationship? Be ostracized in a particular group? etc.) so you can separate realistic fear from unrealistic.

    - Examine what you need as a person -- is the risk worth what you're going to gain?

    - Build a support group of people who will accept the way you want to live... and better yet, accept you no matter HOW you choose to live.

    Expecting things from people who practice conditional love or who try to undermine you if you don't do things the way they would like is inevitably going to place you in a cage and result in your experiencing some loss if you ever step out.

    These are all things that worked for me, but it took me until later in my life to figure them out, then step out. You've got some chances earlier to live in a way that is fulfilling to you.

    * * * *

    As far as the color pink goes..
    ... it's a color.

    Some people will tease you but don't mean much by it.
    A few will tease you and be jerks -- you don't need them / you can ignore them.
    Frankly the rest won't much care or think much at all, unless of course it's got ruffles too.

    Seriously, though, that's ANOTHER big lesson I learned: Most people are living their own lives and it's just not that big a deal to them what you do, even if they do not prefer it or might have an internally slightly negative reaction. Most people just don't care.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    For what its worth it works both ways

    Listening to others too much is bad and too little is bad....

    Understanding which decisions you need to make on your own is important, that is about you beign able to express yourself.

    What is the outcome likely to be be if you stop listening to the voice in you head less? Will the sky fall in? reign it in a bit and make more deicisons on what ou want to do.. its very liberating

  6. #6
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    wear more pink, cheers up the soul.

  7. #7
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    A lot of the things I do and don't do are because I feel other people expect more of me, and thus I expect more of me. Or I think something just isn't accepted in society, so I don't do it. For instance, I want to wear the color pink often, but it's hard being a guy. The harder thing is I've always had a voice in my head telling me I could've done better at something, I could've had more discipline, I could've seen the bigger picture better or I could've been less superficial. It's like a mini-ENTJ inside my head.

    I've always felt insecure because of the effectiveness and productivity I've seen in SPs and xNTJs. I just don't know how to stop it. It's a lot of negative self-talk too that is just dictating my actions and stopping me from being happy. How did other people overcome this?
    I just talked about this to a friend today. I told him not to be the people, but to be himself. Because of what I wear people find me 'different' yet it tells them something that they don't realise. That they are cowards who hide under the social norms because they don't want to feel left out.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    Because of what I wear people find me 'different' yet it tells them something that they don't realise.
    You're not wearing skirts again, are you?

  9. #9
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    You're not wearing skirts again, are you?
    Aww crap. Now the people here know.

  10. #10
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    doing what is right.

    if it happens to conform with what people want, cool.

    if not, then they better catch up fast or they are gonna get left behind


    that said, my attitude is changing cuz im guilty of having met some peeps im starting to give a shit abotu

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