I was having a conversation a few days ago that got me thinking about a part of me that I was able to explore while I played Star Wars Galaxies. It was a more...feminine side of myself. I had just come off of playing Team Fortress Classic and in those forums, I was ridiculed constantly for my weight because I posted pictures of myself. I guess you could say I was insecure, because I created a female character in SWG, then proceeded to tell everyone for the next few years online that I was a girl IRL.
I enjoyed it greatly, because I could do things like pick out girl clothes, customize my character's looks, do dancing and things like that in the game, and I felt secure doing it, because I didn't feel I was being judged. I didn't feel secure enough to act like a guy in the game. Now, though, I feel like there's this hidden part of me that is itching to get out.
It's like a compassionate, insightful and cold female persona that I feel has been there mentally the last several years, and it's almost like someone I've come to compare myself to. I just think to myself, that that girl is someone who would stop on the way home from work just to buy a cupcake mix or a flower. She's someone who is excellent with the details of her life, but at the same time, able to recognize the more gentle side of life because she's worry-free about the details.
I think I'm just rambling, but I've just started to think about it a lot more often the last few days. It's just like an alternate persona that isn't as judgmental or analytical. Does any of this make sense?