User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 11

  1. #1
    Junior Member luvfreedom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5/6w
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    25

    Default INTP FEMALES: Problems with Friendships

    As an INTP female I find that dealing with other females can be quite challenging for me. Many of them are attracted to my calm nature, which seems to put the average "crazy", "unhinged" woman at ease. However, I often find it quite baffling when females treat their friendships like smothering marriages.

    Friendships have advantages over marriages in that you have the luxury of having more than one friend, you don't have to be under each other's asses 24/7 and you don't have to try to be one person's everything. But females, especially groups of them, that have no love life of their own tend to get jealous, possessive and try to make their friendships make up for the other lacks in their lives.

    I am always the first friend to listen, offer great advice, give someone a ride, or money if I have it. I will do most anything for a friend in need, but I find women too damned needy. Most women love to be needed a lot, but as an INTP female I find it to be quite exhausting.

    I have always had a boyfriend/husband. I have never not been in a relationship, because men really appreciate the fact that I please them intensely and leave them the hell alone, so they can breathe. However, this does not work with women! They are NEVER satisfied no matter how good of a friend you are and always complaining about stuff they create themselves.

    I am NOT at all mean, but I can be indifferent or aloof when I try make friends with a female only to get so damn vibed out by her complex ways. I thought this would change when I got older, because I actually thought women got happier and more comfortable with themselves as they aged. Boy! I am 40 and the women are getting crazier.

    I am NEVER jealous of a woman, nor do I wish her harm or want to sleep with her man or expect her to meet unrealistic expectations. I have very close friends who have other friends and I like it like that, because it helps me out. I do not get upset if my best friend ask one of her friends to do something with her or if I find out that my friend may have told one of her friends something before she told me. Maybe, she just hadn't gotten around to it. I want a friend like that!

    But noooo, at 40 women still get angry if they are in a group and one woman gets more attention then they do, or if a couple of the women happen to be talking to eachother more than anyone else in the group-then the ladies are accused of talking about someone. Women are jealous of the other women that have successful relationships, jobs, nice clothes...The reality shows have made a complete living off of the insecurities of women.


    It is very embarrassing and my dream would be to see women tone down the crazy and just be cool. Life is too short to act this way.


    I truly feel sorry for men sometimes. You guys actually have to subject yourselves to this misery just to get laid.

    Are their any other INTP females that have this same problem?

    I am interested in meeting as many INTP females as possible. I have found that indeed we are rare and if I could get us all in one place to chat about our interesting personality it would be great!

    Facebook has an INTP female group. Join and let's see what happens.
    "Reconstruct the world by reconstructing your mind."

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    19

    Default

    I'm an INTP female, and I can completely relate. The jealousy/pettiness of many women is very irritating. The tendency to gossip is even worse, and I find myself clenching my fists in frustration whenever I have to hear it. I find, though, not all women are like this. It's possible to have friendships with women which are calm and sane and not filled with melodrama, lol. You'll have to look in universities, in libraries, places like that to sort out the INTP females from the rest. We tend to dress drab

  3. #3
    Senior Member sofmarhof's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    327

    Default

    I'm an INTP female and I don't feel like I have any more difficulty in friendships with women than I do in friendships with men. Most of my best friends are women, so by definition I have more conflict with female friends, only because my male friends are more like acquaintances—we aren't close enough to have gotten past the "polite" stage.

    My high school was an odd place and we didn't have any of the cattiness/Queen Bee stuff that supposedly happens at other schools. Coming to college, I met one or two girls who are like girls in chick flicks, and I was kind of surprised that people like that actually exist. One of them, I'm certain is that way because of watching too many chick flicks at a young age. But I find that very few women are like that.

    We are too young to be in the competitive/husband-hunting stage yet, but I don't think that's ever going to happen with my group of friends.

    My point is that it's an issue of particular groups of friends. Probably the majority of women in this country do fit annoying female stereotypes, but not so many of them that you can't find any who don't.

    Whereas my one very close male friend, we have had some issues in the past, the same sort of drama that is supposed to happen between women.

    Do you have enough male friends that you can make a comparison? Do you spend enough time with them?

  4. #4
    Junior Member luvfreedom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5/6w
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    25

    Default Thanks...

    Thanks for responding. I was a little angry, because a friend of mine was confiding in me about a situation that happened to her with her other group of lady friends. It's not just my experience, but lots of women of different ages and backgrounds that share similar stories.

    I know INTP women are no better than women of other groups and there are other types that do not participate in this behavior, because my sisters are ESFJ and ENFP and they are fabulous about not getting involved in petty stuff. However, their tolerance for it from others is much higher than mine. I think I internalize it differently, because I have ideal views about the way I "think" women should behave to create stronger bonds(my problem).

    I am also speaking from the frustration that I have had friends that have demanded so much, yet gave so little. They felt that because I was even tempered and self contained that they were just the best friends in the world. But the real story is that I let people be who they are. Yet, when I am aloof or not as expressive as one would like, it is always interpreted as a lack of caring and that couldn't be further from the truth.

    I do find that I get along with guys or either other females that are VERY secure and have a life of their own. I do not gravel in my problems or constantly complain about my love life when in a group of ladies. I usually will listen and then provide a simple solution to all the confusion that they are imagining and that either pisses them off or draws them extremely close to me, which I don't want either. LOL!

    I love my female peers dearly, just thought that with age things would settle with them a bit. I am finding guys settle a lot with age, however women get a bit more wound up as our hormones start hijacking our emotions.

    I don't want to offend anyone, but this is a safe place to get this out!

    Thanks!
    "Reconstruct the world by reconstructing your mind."

  5. #5
    Junior Member sonickel77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    16

    Default

    I often feel the same way with regard to women (and I'm a woman myself).
    I find all female work environments excruciating, because of the petty gossip, bitching about their husbands and children, and their need to constantly do social chit chat. I even worked in a library where I was sacked because I wasn't social enough with the other librarians....

    I don't give romantic advice to my friends anymore, because
    1. I don't have as much experience as them and
    2. My advice is often taken poorly, cause it's rational and pragmatic.
    Eg one of my friends was upset cause her bf snorted cocaine on New Years against her knowledge or approval. My response - you knew he's a drug addict, break up with him, cause he won't change. She insisted they were perfect for each other minus the drugs, said she cared about him, and was trying to get him to change.... 18 months later, they're finished, after lots of unhappiness.

    I've also been accused by family of not caring about them cause I don't call, and being evasive cause I don't want to repeat all the specifics of my day. Also, not getting into the typical female passions of shopping and fashion...

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    230

    Default

    Often, I find that I have a difficult time relating to most women. Many of my interests don't intersect with much of the female population. It's not uncommon for women to ask directly or indirectly for my opinion on a social situation and my pragmatic, logical conclusions aren't well recieved.

    In the past many of my friends have become frustrated when I didn't want to immediately break down and express my emotions on a situation. Social chatter bores me. I prefer topics revolving around politics, science, and/or philosophy.

    Short answer: I have mostly male friends.
    Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
    -Alice in Wonderland

  7. #7
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    1,709

    Default

    im not an INTP nor am I a female (im actually a big procrastinator)

    but yeah, i totally relate to a lot of the stuff you guys talk about in this thread

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by luvfreedom View Post
    However, I often find it quite baffling when females treat their friendships like smothering marriages.
    It's something (IMO) tied to the estrogen urge to nurture and/or dote. Women seem to build more exclusive bonds with each other, men seem far more laid back.

    There seems to be a lot of drama in the teens and early 20's, although it can continue on to later years.

    I have had a gay man tell me that a lesbian breakup is the most horrible thing to witness, it's far worse than a gay breakup.

    But females, especially groups of them, that have no love life of their own tend to get jealous, possessive and try to make their friendships make up for the other lacks in their lives.
    See that bold bit.

    Yeah, women with a marriage and esp with kids just don't have time for the drama... plus they have someone in that special role in their lives. Have you ever noticed how older single women often get a dog or cat and lavish a lot of personal attention on it, as if it were their baby and they have a special bond with it?

    I am always the first friend to listen, offer great advice, give someone a ride, or money if I have it. I will do most anything for a friend in need, but I find women too damned needy. Most women love to be needed a lot, but as an INTP female I find it to be quite exhausting.
    it can be. I actually am sort of in an "unexpected" triangle now where a friend introduced me to her friend and now that friend and I have become pretty close friends and spend lots of time together, but the first friend feels left out and was actually having possessive/clingy behavior outbursts about it and acted like she was in love with other friend and I was moving in. (We're both T's, the woman shut out inadvertently is an F, and we just have far more in common.) It really ended up seeming like this crazy romance drama intrigue thing, and I'm not sure why.

    However, this does not work with women! They are NEVER satisfied no matter how good of a friend you are and always complaining about stuff they create themselves.
    Sounds like the wrong sort of women, to me. I just don't get involved with people who are invasive like that. Even the woman I just mentioned tries to be respectful but is just having trouble, running on envy or something I suppose... The only friend I can think of that I've had who behaved that way ended up dumping me in a huff because I guess I did not stroke her back enough; they remove themselves if you blow them off enough.

    I am NOT at all mean, but I can be indifferent or aloof when I try make friends with a female only to get so damn vibed out by her complex ways. I thought this would change when I got older, because I actually thought women got happier and more comfortable with themselves as they aged. Boy! I am 40 and the women are getting crazier.
    Lol... honestly, it could just be the women, or type of women (they're all single?) Most women I'm friends with have been in relationships or are married, so they have a better handle on the realities of having a real relationship. The "drama quotient" seems far reduced.

    But noooo, at 40 women still get angry if they are in a group and one woman gets more attention then they do, or if a couple of the women happen to be talking to eachother more than anyone else in the group-then the ladies are accused of talking about someone. Women are jealous of the other women that have successful relationships, jobs, nice clothes...The reality shows have made a complete living off of the insecurities of women.
    Yah, it's crazy out there.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    ?
    Socionics
    ?
    Posts
    201

    Default

    Yep I know exactly what you mean. I only have one friend still from high school that's a girl and she's being crazy right now, thinks she's in love with a guy she just met a month ago, so I haven't talked to her at all really for a while. All my friends are guys, every person I ever hang out with is a guy. I remember in middle school I would say things like, seriously do these girls just want to talk about boys and clothes and make up? Wow. And I hate drama. It's so dumb.

  10. #10
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by luvfreedom View Post
    I truly feel sorry for men sometimes. You guys actually have to subject yourselves to this misery just to get laid.

    Are their any other INTP females that have this same problem?
    I find your post ill-conceived and deeply offensive.

    To answer your question, no, I don't share your problem. I find women to be both strong and supportive in a way that many men completely fail to be. I love women. I think they are magnificent creatures on the whole, though they have their share of assholes too, of course.

    Maybe, instead of assuming that there is something wrong with 50% of the world's population, you should take a look at yourself?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INFP male in relationship with INTP female
    By Ariz in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-28-2017, 11:15 PM
  2. [INFP] Problems with long-term INFP friendship
    By coldbloodedunicorn in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-30-2016, 10:05 AM
  3. INTP and problems with doing routine work
    By INTP! in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-25-2016, 01:17 AM
  4. [INTP] INTPs - Your Openness with Feelings/Problems/Etc
    By Orangey in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 12-19-2009, 10:29 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO